AIBU for not letting my 12 year old have TIktok & Snapchat yet?

[historyismything82]

I'd like to know if you think I'm being unreasonable for not letting my 12 year old have Tiktok and Snapchat. I'd rather she was a little older but she constantly asks for it and it is hard as all of her friends have it.

Each to their own, but I personally don't like these apps. I feel the majority of content on Tiktok is brain rot and whilst I know she is resilient, I still don't want her exposed to some of the garbage out there. I have an issue with disappearing messages on Snapchat - although not sure if that is still a feature as I don't use it. My main concern is lack of parental control. Perhaps someone could suggest a way of making it safer if such a thing exists?

YABU - I am worrying for nothing, just let her have the apps.
YANBU - I have good reason to protect her for as long as possible.

Thank you.

I spend a large portion of my day on TikTok for work, I would not let a 12 year old have it (and the age limit is over 13 anyway, which is still too low but still) as you said it’s mostly brain rot, with just the scroll to the next thing, you can get some offensive/scary/awful ones suddenly pop up.

Absolutely not. I have a 12 year old who does not have any social media and will not have any of it before 16. Not negotiable.

She has friends who have been on TikTok and Snapchat since they were 10. Predictably, they are being followed by all sorts of creepy perverts. Not a chance in hell that’s happening on my watch.

Absolutely not. YANBU

You are not alone. Having caved on What’s App, I am standing firm on no Snapchat and TikTok for my 12yr old.

No, absolutely not unreasonable at all. My ds is 12 and he only has WhatsApp. No other social media at all. It’s just dangerous.

Thank you. We are not too rigid on a lot of things but this is something we need to be firm on. I am getting accused of being 'so strict' and I've explained my reasons but understandably she doesn't see our point. However, I will be showing her these replies!

I don’t let mind either. Now it’s 50/50 with her classmates so she is not alone on being not allowed. I am mainly concerned with the safety aspects. She is not happy about it but I have explained my reasons and am sympathetic that she feels left out but I tell her that her safety takes top priority for me.

If everyone else in her class was on it I would let her though and just monitor it very carefully.

No Snapchat or Tik Tok for my 12 year old DD soon to be 13, she's finally stopped pestering but it's hard work fending her off! She has WhatsApp and used YouTube where I think she can see similar / same videos to those on Tik Tok which is frustrating. I won't be allowing it anytime soon, all these apps are such a distraction, not to mention the risk of creepy pervs and inappropriate content appearing beyond our control

This is exactly us. She has Whatsapp but I can't get away with the others.

YANBU a friends girl, younger than yours has tiktok, supposed to be secure but I could see a video she posted on my FYP! Not sure if it’s because I’m friends with her mum on there, I did tell her so hopefully she’s made sure the settings are right.
She’s dancing to the trending songs which aren’t the most appropriate songs, her dancing isn’t inappropriate in the slightest but pervs are pervs.

There is also a page being made by an anonymous person at her school posting pictures of her classmates with nasty comments, it’s awful. Friend has spoken to the school about the page, haven’t heard an update on what happened with that.
I don’t have this problem yet but I will attempt to keep my kids away from social media for as long as possible, it’s awful as an adult (she says while continuing to scroll tiktok 🙈)

Exactly! I am useless with certain apps so I wouldn't have a clue how to set parental controls or filter out innappropriate content. I wouldn't trust it to work anyway. You're right, so many creeps!

DD is 15. She wasn’t allowed WhatsApp till she was 13, she got instagram (where I follow her so I know what she’s doing) and Pinterest at 14.
She only got Snapchat a couple of weeks as she changed schools and her new friends don’t use WhatsApp much.
But she still doesn’t have TikTok and nor will she.

That's awful re your friends daughter! I worry about bullying too. It's too easy for them to make nasty comments!

I was guilty of doomscrolling on Instagram. They've been designed to reel us in haven't they.

Mine's 11. None of that and no whatsapp even here!

My mate's DD got her first phone recently as well. Mate said i'm copying you Laiste and will not allow whatsapp. She got talked into it a day or so later.

By the end of that same afternoon her DD was in tears already. Had joined a whatsapp group with a few of the kids in her year and had been called a name and laughed at. The friend then cancelled it all off her phone and back to just happily texting back and forth a bit with my DD and taking pics of the cat. Which is all it should be.

Stories like this

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj4d40922xvo.amp

and reports like this

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2024/oct/15/roblox-allegations-ofcom-online-safety-act

just make me feel very confident that my approach is not too strict. I don’t allow any apps/app settings that mean that strangers can talk with my child. You wouldn’t let a stranger get into a conversation with them in the street.

Utterly horrific. Thanks for all your comments so far everyone, it's given me the extra strength needed to stick to my guns!

I bet not all of her friends have these apps, probably some do but not all.

I won’t be allowing them for as long as possible and don’t care what others allow.

My DD is 12 (yr7) and doesn't have any SM apps, including WhatsApp.

Luckily she's never asked for any, except WhatsApp, so I'm getting off lightly so far! I work in education and I know exactly what they get up to on those apps and I don't want DD involved. The amount of wasted time spent by schools sorting out all the nonsense that has happened on Snapchat the night before is ridiculous.

I'll most likely let her have WhatsApp at 13, but I will be waiting as long as possible for the rest. I also find that it limits their interests to make up, skin care and dances to inappropriate music; you can tell from their interests alone what a child has access to.

Hang in there, Mum. No, not everyone else has it, no matter what dd says.

For support, links here. www.esafety.gov.au/parents?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAqKZzLT9blcY9cjMwMxqVd3_MH2pC&gclid=Cj0KCQiAlbW-BhCMARIsADnwasrMSXMA7EQmasn06RLMtNXIPwsdC9XYsBWcOsw0PNDM2h9BBXiQ0lUaApImEALw_wcB

Mine doesn't have those, no. She (13) only has WhatsApp and she knows she's allowed it on condition I check it regularly. She's stopped asking for TikTok and Snapchat, mainly because she sees how her friends use them.

I have explained in great detail why I don't want them having them (DC1 is 15) and they still accept (at the moment) that I might have a point.

No way, stick to your guns. My 14 year old DD isn't allowed either. And she's happy and fulfilled. It's no great loss and in reality a huge positive not to have them.

Well done for sticking to your guns! I think it's so damaging to let anyone have those apps let alone children/teenagers. Imo, a lot of parents forget that they are meant to be a parent and not a friend to their kids. Unfortunately you have to make decisions sometimes that your children don't like. It's hard in the short run but I think will pay off in the long. You're doing a good thing.

I don't let my 13 (14 this year) have either nor any social media, just what's app. She's survived and isn't overly bothered.

She'd like tick tock and as she does watch you tube videos anyway I might allow TT when she is 14 but never snap chat.

Yanbu

You r not being unreasonable.

My now 13 year old has thankfully never asked for tik tok (he's a boy and tik tok does seem a little more popular with girls at his school, so that's possibly one factor there). However, he downloaded Snapchat without my knowledge. I found out quite quickly because we take care to monitor our children's phone use and when I addressed it with him he had lots of reasons for wanting to be on it. He had researched parental control and monitoring options and showed me how to connect to his Snapchat so every time he sends a message or gets a message I now get a copy of the message. Because we've been able to set it up like this, I've agreed he can continue to use Snapchat. To be honest, he only seems to use it to talk about gaming and it's all reaaaaaallly dull stuff that gets exchanged !!

I also talk to both my children constantly about the dangers of sexting, online grooming and sending or receiving inappropriate messages. They r bored of hearing about it, but I think they need to be v aware as these things can have serious consequences (including, if they open and download an indecent image by accident, that could be a criminal.offence and land them in trouble - and if they send any images of themselves, that could also be an offence of making and distributing indecent images of children - something they absolutely do not want to have on their record at age 12/13. Never mind the obvious direct risks they are at if they send any indecent image of themself, from their own images being exploited etc......)

I don't think you r unreasonable at all. If you don't feel its appropriate for her yet, have that conversation with her. Find out why she wants it, what type of messages she wants to exchange etc. If she has a v v good reason for wanting to be on it, that you r happy with. And if you can set the controls to receive copies of all in coming and out going messages, then it might work for you both. But ultimately it's your decision, though she does need to feel included in that decision.