AIBU to break up with a man that loves me deeply?

[Confusedkelp]

I’m 26 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He loves me a lot, and is very affectionate. We have lots of amazing times together and he often makes me laugh.

However, I’m not very attracted to him a lot of the time. I have to force myself to sleep with him, rather than actively wanting to and looking forward to it. He also snaps very quickly sometimes and can be moody and cold. He has PTSD, which fuels a lot of this behaviour. I feel bad about it because I know it’s not in his control, but I never know which version of him I’m going to get.

im also concerned because we have very different desires in some ways. I love travelling, whereas it makes him anxious and he travels under sufferance because I like it. We both live in London together, but I want one day to move back up north to be nearer to my family when we have kids. But he refuses to even talk about moving, because he said his friends are in London and he doesn’t want to think about leaving them.

im not sure what to do. We have so much fun together on many occasions, and my family and friends really like him. I’m also worried that I won’t ever find anyone else and I’ll regret breaking up with him. So AIBU to break up with a man who really loves me?

You don’t have to stay in a relationship because of the way the other person feels about you. What’s important is what you feel about them. Put yourself and your needs first.

Dont stay out of fear of not finding someone else. It’s better to be alone and living to your rules and preferences rather than being in a relationship living by their rules that you’re not happy with.

It will all be ok in the end. And if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.

If it doesn’t feel right now, when the relationship is relatively fresh and you are young and free, it’s not going to get any better. Having children is hard, having them with the wrong person is extremely difficult. It won’t make you more attracted to him when you’re both exhausted.

I was in my early twenties when I was going through the same thing with my ex. On paper he was great and my mum loved him, but in reality our goals did not align and being with him felt like a chore more often than not. But I delayed ending it because I was scared I’d never meet anyone else and I’d invested years into the relationship. In the end, I decided that it was better to be on my own than with someone I didn’t love and broke up with him. Then I met DH and we just clicked in ways I couldn’t even imagine with my ex. But even if I hadn’t, I would have been free to live my life without the burden of being tethered to someone I didn’t really like that much.

You are young and chances are you’ll meet someone else. But even if you don’t, do you want to spend the rest of your life forcing yourself to sleep with him?

If he is not for you, that does not make him a bad person. You deserve to be happy and just be considerate in the way you end the relationship.

Women stlll seem to be expected to "need" a man even now! Look youre 26 young ,and free with plenty of time ahead to marry,travel have DC.If you have to force yourself to sleep with him now ,how will you feel when you are 36 and have kids? Just end it with him.he sounds controlling and possessive .Your family may like him but thats irrelevant they are not gong out with him!

I agree with PP's. I'm 28 and alone with 2 DC, I've never been more content. Life is far too short to waste on people that don't enhance your life.

My youngest's dad was like this. Very emotionally stunted in a face to face sense but would constantly sit and write love letters or draw me lovey dovey pictures. It was bizarre and every letter was almost a carbon copy of the last or of something from google. I had about 43 lengthy love letters that I didn't even need to read because I knew what they were going to say. It became clear that he wasn't actually trying to express his feelings, they were attempt to try and manipulate me.
Before I left him for good, I remember having the talk about not being happy and wanting to break up. He disagreed, stormed downstairs for an hour and came back upstairs with a lengthy emotional speech saying he was dumping me and I was to blame. Stupidly I believed him cried and agreed we could work on things because "it was better than being alone". Spoiler alert, nothing changed. 2 weeks later I came in from work, made him leave my house and that was that. I've been free for almost a year and a half now. DD hasn't met him by his choice. He claims he will only agree to see her on the condition that I get back together with him and be a "family".

He also snaps very quickly sometimes and can be moody and cold. He has PTSD, which fuels a lot of this behaviour. I feel bad about it because I know it’s not in his control

This bit stood out to me.

I have PTSD and cPTSD.

Whilst it may be a reason for certain behaviour, it isn't an excuse and it's certainly not an opt out of seeking remedial action.

Sometimes you need therapy. Sometimes you need several or continual rounds of therapy. You may even need medication and to trial weeks or months worth of different strengths.

It is absolutely nobody else's responsibility to make sure he isn't triggered, or temper his responses, and certainly not anybody else's responsibility to excuse his poor behaviour.

On this point alone, there are so many red flags you should have run for the hills ages ago.