Welcome drinks at pub - AIBU not to go

[F0rky]

I don't drink alcohol. I quit two years ago, not because I was a raging alcoholic, but because I never felt fully in control of my drinking. I wanted to stop before I got too far down the slippery slope.

The thing is, there is quite a big drinking culture where I work, although the management would deny that this is the case. At christmas parties, alcohol is paid for and a lot of people get absolutely hammered. The vast majority of networking events with clients and contacts involve wine tasting, vineyards, wine bars etc. With the exception of the Christmas party, I avoid these events. No-one seems to have a problem with this.

However, whenever anyone passes an exam or joins the firm, someone will arrange drinks at a nearby bar. Now, this doesn't bother me. If other people want to stand around making small talk and drinking, then it's up to them. What I object to is the fact that I am expected to join in and, if I don't, I'm seen as separating myself from the team / being unfriendly. FYI I do chat to people in the office and have joined in with many social events (quiz nights, activity days, meals, escape rooms), I just hate going to anything where the sole purpose is to drink and chat.

We have just received another email about someone new who is starting next week. Drinks will be held at the local bar and they "trust we will all come along and make him feel welcome".

I now feel obliged to go in case I'm seen as being unfriendly if I don't go. I just wondered what other people think about this as it's not something I feel I can bring up at work.

YABU - Just go along with it. The pub is a normal place for people to relax and get to know each other.

YANBU - Don't go. They can't expect a non-drinker to stand around in a bar, in their own time making small talk with people they wouldn't otherwise choose to socialise with.

OP says there is a " drinking culture" at her work which management aren't admitting to. The impression is that attending these after work drinking sessions is compulsory. And there is something far wrong if OP doesnt feel comfortable going along and not drinking.
It's one thing to have occasional " drinks after work" but it's entirely another thing if every event at work is " celebrated" with the employer organising booze ups. I don't see how normalising heavy alcohol consumption is good for anyone.

I am introverted and don't like work socials. I usually don't go. But there are a few times you have to show a face and this is probably one of them. Go for an hour, say nice to meet you to the chap, have a soft drink and go home.

@Blossomtoes
Doesn't mean it's easy or as easy as some folks are suggesting.
People who have an issue with alcohol don't suddenly get over it in a set amount of time, in fact most need to be careful and aware of it for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying OP falls into that category but the length of time is irrelevant.
Christmas is likely a different type of event, it often includes a meal and so not just all hanging around in a bar which OP may find more difficult than the distraction of a meal.

I based my response on not knowing you weren't paid to attend the pub.
I've changed my mind, work life balance trumps pub and getting to know new starts.
I make an exception to show my face at christmas, but otherwise dont go.
i take my own team out for breakfast (no alcohol) when we are getting paid.

Go literally for one non-alcoholic drink. Then it’s not eating into your personal time, you don’t look like a dick and it’s minimal small talk.

It literally is eating into personal time, if this is happening 'after work'.

Plenty of people have commitments that mean they need to leave work on time - parents (which is a huge part of the workforce); people who are running a Cub Pack or Brownie Pack or St John's Badgers; people who are traveling somewhere either by public transport, or just who don't want to set off on a long drive later in the evening; people wanting to get back for pets, or for adults they care for; people who have to work 2 jobs; people who are organising an event that night, or who are just attending an event that night; people who have tickets for something that night; and I'm sure 101 other reasons.

Look, you don’t have to go but your colleagues may think you’re unfriendly. That may be fair of them or may not be but either way, that’s how it is. Not amount of whining will change it.

So the question is what do you hate the idea of more - making small talk in a pub or people you work with thinking you’re not very nice? Choose which is the lesser of the two evils and act accordingly.

They are probably telling you that because your whole post is mainly about alcohol and not the fact you don’t want to go. I think it’s clear by the responses you’ve had it sounds more like alcohol is the issue, wether it is or not that is how your post comes across

Tell your manager that you have a family history of an alcoholic in your family and that being in a setting with people drinking is very triggering for you and you would appreciate not being asked to go in future. Slight untruth but means you aren't outing your own issues to them.

Then make a fuss of the new person in the office..bring in a cake or something