Stress - alternatives to getting drunk, diazepam or exercise?

[ICouldDoWithALifeReset]

I should say this is related to grief following a huge loss so it is something that comes and goes in waves but when it comes it comes hard.

I've been prescribed diazepam by the GP for a short term but they've been v. clear I can't have any more. It's is actually really helpful because I'm not in an addiction situation as it isn't every day but when I feel really anxious and aggitated it calms me down.

The only other thing that works as well is alcohol - I say getting drunk but I don't mean paralytic. I mean enough to take the edge off which is probably about 4 glasses of wine. I'd rather take a tablet as it's better for me that alcohol but I know I have to keep them for the really bad times as I won't get any more. I would rather have another prescription which would mean I don't need to use alcohol but like I said when I was given the first one I was told no more.

Exercise would probably help but the problem is that these 'attacks' tend to occur when I am alone in the evening late at night when there isn't a safe option to go exercising and I wouldn't want to anyway.

Any other suggestions to coping with that anxiety stress panic feeling ?

@Theunamedcat Theunamedcat · Today 17:04

Why do you think they are posting here? What cheap thrill does it give you kicking someone who is obviously down? Maybe take a look at yourself

Well quite. Thank you for your kind support.

I am reading all the ideas some helpful things I have not thought of. I will look for the grief pack on headspace.

If there’s no one to talk to or you feel bad for offloading again, a listening service like Samaritans could help. Lots of people call about grief and you’ll get a compassionate ear to offload onto with zero guilt. Open 24/7 but be warned you’ll have a wait if it’s 3am.

No need to be alone OP. People are out there to help you.

I'm not kicking anyone.

Grief creates addicts if you allow it to persuade you to abuse substances to cope.

The OP is already exhibiting drug-seeking behaviours by latching onto the first person who suggested an alternative substance (propranolol)

I am stating that there are ways through without substances and that the op can decide not to be a passenger. There is nothing wrong with that.

Here is a Ted talk by a woman who had one of the worst things I can think of happen to her. She states similar sentiments.

Hi @TourangaLeila I understand what you saying but I don't think it's helping the OP at all at moment. Might be best just to stop posting on this thread.

Walking outside.
Borrow a dog and walk somewhere green (i love a towpath walk). This has helped me through lots of difficult situations.

Some really good ideas on here OP.

I would add you could go for a night walk (depends whether your area is safe). More feasible as the nights get lighter.

@ICouldDoWithALifeReset I understand how difficult it is with the diazapam, I was prescribed sleeping tablets. When something makes life just about bearable it's hard to give it up. There are some really good tips on here, it is going to take time.

Long-term help for me is: yoga, meditation, journalling feelings and things that go well too, music, drawing, walking in nature, socialising with friends. Try to look after yourself with nutritious food and self-care, even when you don't feel like it's doing anything, eventually it will.

The OP is already exhibiting drug-seeking behaviours by latching onto the first person who suggested an alternative substance (propranolol)

I am finding this so offensive. There is nothing helpful or kind or pleasant about what you are posting or the way you are expressing it. You must be a really nasty person to keep attacking on a thread like this. Just look at your language 'latching on'. FFS.

Which is precisely the point OP is making

Distraction: find a small but real job and do it. Clear out your sock drawer, scrub the shower screen.

Also exercise in the house. Could be the sweaty sort with a YouTube video but I find a ten minute yoga video calms me. They'll force you to breathe properly and to focus on your body and it'll help get you out of your head. Or a mindfulness session; it'll help you go 'yes, this is real, but it's just my mind doing this and I can work my way through it'.

Complete change of scenery? A retreat? Only thing that ever works for me - sun, being near the sea and a simple spa, with space to just to be and to journal to reset purpose. I found - and can still find - routine a triggering factor.

Lots of good suggestions. I actually find being on here helps when my mind is racing - not just reading threads though. I go onto "active" and then "unanswered" and I go through and answer as many as I can, because there is nothing more dispiriting than posting something and having zero replies. After a while of that I feel like I've hopefully helped a few people and properly distracted my brain.

You’re already describing addiction.

Go back to your GP. You need some professional help beyond a quick fix.

Another relaxing activity is Yoga Nidra, which is a guided relaxation. Lots on YouTube, but I especially like Ally Boothroyd who has a lot of different ones with different background music, so you can find one that works for you. I really like binaural beats, which help slow down your heartbeat.

I am sorry you are struggling 😔. We need to bear in mind that we are all individuals and react and cope with things in different ways, so what works for some ppl won't work for others.
Everything seems a hundred times worse at night. Additionally it is a very lonely time, ringing the Samaritans is a good idea, I can't imagine exercising in the night but getting up having a cup of tea and watching something crap on TV sometimes helps. My trauma manifests itself as night terrors which is unpleasant for my grown up kids when it happens. Talking to a therapist helped initially, I am not sure if that is something you have done. But now Talking sometimes triggers me too.
I am taking medication but after the summer I am going to get advice about weaning myself off it, I have an event before then to draw a line under what happened but I am not ashamed to take the medication and am very grateful for the help it has given me.
Please reach out when you need to, there are ppl out there that are kind, empathetic and helpful as well as the trolls .💕

Is it a specific time in the evening? Is it when you’ve done everything you need to do and that’s when you start feeling overwhelmed?

Here are two things you can do - you can create extra capacity for stress and emotions so you can manage them when they come - this is healthy lifestyle type stuff you can do at any time of day or night that will help you build up space in your life - exercise, healthy eating, sleep, relationships, rest. The other thing is having techniques you can use in the moment when you feel overwhelmed- you can write a list of these so it’s easy to pick one when your brain is struggling to think of one. These are small things that are easy to do like breathing exercises, grounding exercises, meditations, mantras, having a bath or shower, making herbal tea, petting an animal etc.

If it’s been more than 6 months since your loss then you could consider counselling. Usually it’s not recommended before then because it’s completely normal to feel not normal after a loss. Be kind to yourself op and I’m sorry for your loss.

If you do have a friend whose dog you can borrow, having them stay with you for a few days could give you some non-judgemental company, something to cuddle.

@TourangaLeila

Ooh careful. You'll get told you're a nasty person.

You are being beyond inappropriate now.

Ask your GP to prescribe amitripyaline.

I have found it amazing (far better than zopiclone etc) and the docs find it far preferable to prescribe too.

I only use it once in a blue moon, for reasons that sound similar to yours. By the time the stress/insomnia/intrusive thoughts take over it’s too late to do anything else at all to help myself (late in terms of the hour of the day - after 11pm usually). I probably take one tablet one every 3 weeks (if not less). I seem to find that knowing I do have a backup that’ll take over if I spiral means I actually don’t really spiral. Because the stress about the spiral was causing the spiral more frequently.

Do you get lost in reading OP? Not the same as your grief but when I was in the middle of a brutal miscarriage reading helped me to take my mind off the immediate trauma. And podcasts. I was up with anxiety in the middle of the night and find radio 4 documentaries that lull me back to sleep. I'm half concentrating on what I'm learning which stops me from worrying.

I like CBD drinks too.

All very good ideas.
But I’d look at counselling too.

Also, alcohol makes sleep issues so much worse. I would sleep better when I’m struggling after a couple of glasses of wine, but would feel so much worse the next day.

I am very good at rationalising so although on the surface, the wine may ‘help’, it’s not actually helping. Not in terms of long term, addiction, liver damage etc (which is also true, obviously) but in terms of the here and now. It’s a depressant, so while it may help you sleep tonight, you’ll feel worse tomorrow. Then you’ll need more alcohol tomorrow, because the alcohol from day has left you feeling worse tomorrow, and on and on as finitim. You really need to stop using alcohol to medicate, above all else.

We have a ‘rule’ in our house, that alcohol is for fun and social occasions only. It’s never to cheer us up, lift us up, deal with emotions etc. If the sun is shining and I fancy a glass of wine in the garden, great. If I’ve had a terrible day and that makes me feel like pouring a glass, I won’t. Never, ever. I find that blanket rule is helpful as it’s black and white.

I don't know anyone with a dog but I was looking into dog fostering for people who were in hospital.

I'm not too keen on the CBD idea.

@Nina1013
I seem to find that knowing I do have a backup that’ll take over if I spiral means I actually don’t really spiral. Because the stress about the spiral was causing the spiral more frequently.

This makes sense to me. I think it is the knowledge of the backup that helps. It's why sometimes I have some wine - to 'save' the diazepam. If I knew that I would have access to a backup, like you I think I'd need it less. It's that sort of fear of it.

@SomethingFun I don't know if it is at specific times. I will track it. I have noticed that most of the time I have felt like this is was later than most grief helplines stay open. If I won the lottery that's what I would do - fund a 24 hour grief helpline because my experience is that its late at night when you really need someone to talk to and there is no one to call.

@Putthekettleon73 I do like to read but find when Iam in deep grief anxiety stress that I can't really concentrate. I try to listen to sleepy stuff but its hard and zone out but with someone speaking its easier to realise youve zoned out and concentrate again than if you are reading. It's more passive reception.

Is there any scope to sign up to something (like a running club or similar) a couple of nights a week? Force yourself out, exhaust yourself a bit? Maybe try and get addicted to a really trashy book series set in another time or world?

Sorry you’re experiencing this and that some posters have been so obtuse when you’re actually asking for alternatives