Not to know how to get teens cooking dinner?

[Wahey79]

I try to keep on top of DS15 and DD12’s contribution to the household, and mostly they do what is asked of them, but one thing I haven’t cracked is getting them to cook the odd dinner.

Wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get this started? How much help should I give them to begin with? I was thinking they should offer, plan, shop and cook with minimal input from me, but I’ve realised that is just not going to happen!

I suggested they do one night per week on rotation, so not a heavy load, and they were up for it in theory. But since then nothing.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks!

Tell them they are cooking dinner on x night each week

dont get them to work together IME. One night per DC

Give them free rein and the budget. For the first few weeks remind them before hand and talk through with what needs adding to the shopping, look at if there are any particular cooking challenges on there (eg pastry or bread making, boning fish, mincing, or piecing chicken) that they might need talking through. Check for schedule clashes eg their chosen dish is braised over several hours but you aren’t home till late. And check portion sizes and amounts to make sure they make enough! Then leave them to it. After a few weeks you can stop checking so much and ask them to come to you if they have questions instead. And then eventually they’ll have their repertoire and it’ll be a matter of stretching them to make different things rather than their trusty standbys!

Hello Fresh is my suggestion.

Personally I'd never use it for all family meals for all of us as it comes in so expensive. BUT I did use it to train both teens to cook and it's bloody fantastic for that.

There are 5 of us...two teens that eat like horses, 7 year old, me and dh. We usually get a HF box for 4, twice a week. Each teen chooses the meal they want to cook and started off very basic then branched out.

The HF for 4 feeds the 3 dc plus a bit leftover for dh and I to taste. On the 2 x HF nights, dh and I have beans on toast or something or a takeaway.

Another one for hello fresh to start with

Go for hello fresh or gusto. How much do they cook with you? Or for themselves? How realistic is it for them really? It should be 100% realistic for them but it does depend on their existing habits/upbringing

Someone has beaten me to the meal kit suggestion. Gousto is nice and their introductory offer is usually v good, you can cancel or reduce after a short while but it is a good way to get them going. My you gest has also started baking things he likes to eat which is a start. Or if I get so.ethjng like salmon and stuff for a stir fry he will cook that himself.

Also, even with HF, youngest (13 I think) needed heavy input from us at first - and it would have been so much quicker and cleaner to just do it myself so I had to hold myself back from jumping in when he was getting the hang of it 😂

But after a couple of months I was able to step right back and other than the very odd question they just crack on now.

Start by getting them to cook with you, so they can master the basics. If they’ve never cooked before they won’t have a clue. Plus it always helps to have a sous chef.

I think initially I’d ask them what they wanted to cook on their night, and get the shopping in. First time I’d hover round the kitchen if they had any questions like how long to cook this thing for/how big should I chop this veg etc.

How is meal planning for the week done currently? Just involve them and have a structure.

Meal kits are a really good suggestion, thanks. I'll look into it. Do you let the DCs choose the menu from a website ahead of time?

Mine are both vegetarian, so would they have enough options?

You have to set clear expectations and assess their current skill set. If they have never had to plan, think about or shop for dinner, then it's unrealistic to expect them to have the skills. You first star by setting one task they are responsible for - for example every Thursday they pick what they are going to cook on a Friday. You then shop for the ingredients and they cook a Friday meal with your help and supervision. Next Thursday, they plan a meal, you shop, they cook with distant supervision. The week after that, they plan, they shop with supervision and cook unsupervised. Eventually you wind support right down to just prompting to plan on Thursday. You then withdraw prompting.
You may have to go back and forth adding or removing support depending on how their skills and confidence develop over time.

I would agree it's unlikely to happen they they suddenly start offering, planning, shopping and cooking without input from you, in fact it's made me laugh out loud at the very thought.

You will need to support, particularly to get the new regime underway. Otherwise it will all seem too much - you want them to succeed in this so they know how to do those tasks, not set them up to fail. The objective is for them to develop the skills, not just save you a night's cooking each week.

Have you all agreed what night each will cook? Then sit with them to plan what they will cook, what ingredients they will need. Personally I would just add this to the weekly shop, it's great to get teens cooking but I see no reason to make 12 year olds trawl around the supermarket.

On their night, are they clear what time they should start to have the meal ready at a sensible time, are you around to answer questions, chat and help out - make it a part of the day when you spend time with your kids and teach them at the same time. Eventually they will be able to do more without you which will be beneficial for them, and for you.

Yes, dc just choose themselves - with the proviso (in our case) that it has to be suitable for dc3. Um no, you cannot cook him a Madras 😂

Always seem to be plenty of veggie options. And a difficulty scale so at first I limited them to the quickest/easiest selection to choose from.

We made it a condition of our son's pocket money from age 11. We didn't include shopping and budgeting (not saying you shouldn't) and when he started out, one of us was always on hand to supervise. We let him choose the meal and we did eat a lot of pasta, tuna and tomato sauce at first but he's now an enthusiastic cook if a messy one, (With hindsight, we should have included clearing and washing up!)

Ours are a similar age. I guess they've always had access to kids cookbooks, done chefs badges in scouts etc.

I think we probably started with an 8yo who wanted a cooked breakfast and no adult wanted to cook it so we supervised them to do it themselves. These days we're at " I'm going to be late home, so you can wait for me or crack on and cook your own".

We'd ask what they fancied cooking, ensure we had all the ingredients and then offer appropriate levels of support.

Dc1 learned the hard way that they'd start making cakes then discover we'd not have enough ingredients so would have to stop part way through and go to the shop.
Dc2 is very slowly learning what cleaning up afterwards means and needs recalling to the kitchen 2 or 3 times to do it adequately.

Another vote for Hello Fresh - they aren’t the meals I’d ideally choose but it was so good for getting them started. All the ingredients are there in the right quantity and the recipes are all pretty easy. I think my DC was about 13 and I let him choose the recipe and we used them on and off for about 6 months.

My 16 year old can now competently plan, shop and cook a family meal and he really loves it. He now does one weeknight and one weekend night, still some work to do on the clearing up though…….

My younger DC is 14 and a bit more resistant to start cooking (he can do some basics like scrambled egg and pasta etc) so I’ll probably sign back up to Hello Fresh soon for him to start.

Some absolutely fantastic advice here, thank you all so much. I also laughed out loud at myself when typing out what I’d realised I’d expected of them in terms of planning 😂.

We’ve cooked together over the years and they have some random sort-of meals they can do, but I think the more focused support with a gradual reduction of that as they develop confidence will work well.

We’ve done HF before when I was working more hours, and it’s a good idea but I feel a little bit concerned that they won’t learn the ability to cook from what we’ve got/using freezer stocks/measuring out/finding a recipe etc. In two minds about that but it could work to build initial confidence…

Thank you all so much again x

H

This the answer

They will have done cooking at school though, even if not at home. They may be surprisingly competent! My teen wants to do the shopping if he's going to cook, from the point of view of adding things to the online shopping basket. So maybe that's a way in. He has no sense of cost though, and will happily chuck dearer steaks in than we have the budget for! Going in person would be better probably.

The elder should be cooking for the whole family at least periodically, make sure they either have a selection of family recipes you have typed up for them or a teen oriented cookbook. The younger should be prepping breakfast, lunch and snacks for themselves most of the time, but of baking perhaps and shadowing you cooking helping with prep. These are life skills all parents should be passing on (along with managing money, looking after a house/flat and self care

Sam sterns cooking up a storm is good as a resource, or student cook books

We have loads of Gousto recipe cards, so when I'm doing the food shop, DS1 (14) has to pick out a meal he is going to cook, and I buy the ingredients. He cooks once a fortnight and then helps on one other night.

To clarify, they absolutely do their own breakfast lunch and snacks, plus DD quite a keen baker and DS can poach eggs. The post is more about them taking responsibility for a weeknight meal for the whole family, and getting to that point from their current random and unfocused skills/application 😆

HF is good idea, folks, didn’t have that in my day when teaching kids to cook

what I did was getting them to “help” me. Even at very young age (5/6 years) i would get them to smell herbs and spices, and the cooking pot during prep, and ask them if they thought this or that would be nice in it? I’d also get them to look in fridge/freezer with me to select ingredients and decide what to put with meal (like shall we have brocali or beans, what about carrots with this?). Ask them to choose, Build their confidence into knowing they can play around and experiment. By time my DS were in teens they’d be would invent recipes like pasta sauces, and certainly wack up heat on chili and curry’s (no regard for mums more cautious approach to having her taste buds nuked 🤣),

a cheaper option than full HF is getting them to choose a recipe form a recipe book or on line. Show them how to chose main ingredient they’d like (ok, not lobster or steak maybe😉) but let them decide. And then how to search for recipes . Let them decide . Give advice about costs. Then get them to add to shopping list. Then help them, at first, to use the recipe . Maybe if you’re up to it, get them to start choosing more recipes, even if they’re not main ones cooking…let them take charge of deciding.

Be prepared for disasters. We had some bad experiments, but we also had great successes! Don’t be negative, in your “reviews”, just laugh and say it’s part of learning a new skill, and unfortunately we all make mistakes. Just with other things we don’t all have to eat them 😱

Another thing helped us was, that as main breadwinner and long hour job, I was a pre planned menu junkie. We had an 8week rolling menu. On excel. Printed out in kitchen. Food shopping on line for all ingredients once per week. Kids knew what was for tea each night, and if they fancied making it, rather than dad or me, they’d just get on with it. We never did that “what’s for tea” bit. But they also knew they could, with pre planing, swap out a menu dish for something they’d like to make, or a new recipe…they just had to ensure we had right ingredients.

Personally I feel they are a bit young to be expected a cook a family meal, especially the 12 year old. Mine were older teens when they got into cooking and started by making meals for themselves (and girlfriend/boyfriend). Then they progressed to main meals for the whole family. Both were competent cooks by about 17/18.