Not to know how to get teens cooking dinner?

[Wahey79]

I try to keep on top of DS15 and DD12’s contribution to the household, and mostly they do what is asked of them, but one thing I haven’t cracked is getting them to cook the odd dinner.

Wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get this started? How much help should I give them to begin with? I was thinking they should offer, plan, shop and cook with minimal input from me, but I’ve realised that is just not going to happen!

I suggested they do one night per week on rotation, so not a heavy load, and they were up for it in theory. But since then nothing.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks!

Gousto taught my husband to cook. And I learned a lot too!

Ooo, I’d forgotten that..

I made a family cookbook for ours…still have it ….wrote out all the recipes we had as family staples.

did in in word, then printed out on A4 and stuck in file- but these days you could go all fancy and have it printed and bound professionally on line .

I did it for when eldest went to uni, but it helped youngest one too whilst still at home.

I did an index based on 2 ways - by main ingredient and then by type of food (eg. Sundays, Italian, spicy , long cooks, etc) so they could easily search for things.

Have you been getting them helping with cooking & learning how since they were younger? 15 is awfully late to start.

Appreciate this is no good to you op but in case parents of younger kids are reading....

In an ideal world they are helping cook from way younger. Eg from 6 or 7 helping chop and prep veg, weigh out ingredients, mix pancake or cake batter.

By 8-10 they should be able to (with a little supervision/support) make simple things like macaroni cheese or a tomato pasta sauce.

I made a family cookbook for ours…still have it ….wrote out all the recipes we had as family staples.

I did the same, they each have a binder with the essentials!!

We had family meeting and agreed that we all worked/studied full time, we all contributed to mess so we all needed to contribute to cleaning/ cooking. We then came up with a roster that lived on the kitchen door as to who was responsible for what on each night, including cooking, kitchen clean, general clean and tidy, animals etc.
I had a folder on the kitchen counter that had menu plan on the front and recipes inside for the week.
Bulk shop for ingredients on weekend. If they didn’t tell me what they wanted to cook by shopping day, it was decided for them.
Roster changed according to sports and work commitments.
Nights could be swapped but no abdication expecting Mum/Dad to pick up the slack.
It also meant if DH or I were caught late at work, someone else could start cooking.
This continued until they left home.
Good luck

Are you expecting them to do it together or separately?

How much time do they have at home, taking into account clubs, homework etc?

I don’t disagree if it is complicated around timings of complex side dishes like Sunday dinner …but cooking a pasta sauce with mum/dad helping to get pasta on at right time, lay table etc is easily manageable
Mine were doing that at 10/11, they weren’t remarkable other than being permanently hungry hollowed legged boys, who like food. So high motivation, granted.

I reckon if kids can do high speed thinking and decison making, and eye hand coordination that computer games need from a very young age , they can cope with cooking, sorting and putting washing machine on, doing an on line food order frankly (though wouldn’t trust them to load up basket with crap!). Or pretty much any domestic chore. Obviously they need some training- especially where heat and sharp knives are concerned, but mine had good knife skills at a pretty young age - they’re 30 plus now and chop like chefs at very high speed. But then they also type much better than me having used keyboards form young age. 🤷‍♀️

One night per dc. Just say "You're
cooking on Wednesday and you on Friday" making sure they are days when they're home early enough. Get them to decide at the weekend what they are going to cook and add the ingredients to the shopping list.

Personally I feel they are a bit young to be expected a cook a family meal, especially the 12 year old.

I'm stunned by this. My 8 year old knows how to make a simple pasta or curry sauce with supervision, its really not a big ask of a 12 year old.

I shopped for and cooked all my own meals from 14 by choice. Well, partly because my mum wasn't really up for it anymore which is fair enough.
I really loved the freedom of shopping for my own food with a budget. I was pretty dire when I first started and plenty of pesto pasta was consumed! But I always loved cooking.

If you give them a budget, tell them it's for dinner tomorrow night. You can choose which nights a week and stick with them. Hopefully!
They might prefer searching recipes online than in a book?
If they fail to spend the money wisely and make something awful then at least they're getting practice. Obviously get a receipt for the shopping. They may try and be cheeky and buy a bunch of sweets as well!

If they don't cook the meal, then they must return the money and there's no dinner (for them). Make a point of not having anything they can easily heat up so they are stuck with toast or a sandwich. If you were to rub their noses in it you and DP could get a takeaway for yourselves. Though that might be a bit cruel?

I reckon after a while they'll start to enjoy it. If not at least learn a bit about how to budget and cook.

@0ohLarLar I think for me it is the expectation that a 12yo will cook a meal every week. Not that they don’t know how to cook a meal at 12yo.

DS had a long commute for Secondary school, so rarely got home before 6. Then factoring in clubs and homework, it would have been a big ask to then expect him to cook a meal on top of that.

They will do it separately, on one night a fortnight (to start with), that works around clubs etc.

DD12 who I just chatted to about this has already planned her menu ☺️ and is definitely capable. She’ll thrive on the task and has asked if she can add pudding! She’s going to re-do something she did at school. DS15 can do the following week, and it will help him to see how his sister tackles it. No doubt his will be a meat fest 😂.

It’s so interesting how there’s a judgemental edge to (thankfully) a minority of the responses. 15 being “awfully late to start” and a presumption from some that I haven’t cooked with them or involved them before. I’ve grown veg with them, made all sorts of meals with them helping, baked with them, given them input into meals, introduced them to new foods, never made it a massive deal but encouraged experimenting, ensured they help clear up, taught knife and heat skills etc etc. They also both cooked with my mum. So the only bit I think is missing is developing the habit of preparing a meal for others, fairly regularly, and getting to that point from a standing start in terms of current contribution. Thank you so much to the posters who are giving really great advice around that.

Don’t forget to have fun with them!

putting expectations on them/being frustrated/making it a chore won’t help at all.

I spent years wishing I could leave them to it, but reminded myself to just enjoy the time with them. And overall it’s been lovely.

The DCs are now 18/17/16, confident cooks who enjoy creating meals. But it took years of natural evolution from them “helping” me. I would prep all the boring bits to keep them interested, give them just one isolated job at a time “you are whisking till it goes thick” “you are going to fry this for four minutes and don’t move it around”.

They really enjoyed it, partly cos it’s doing something with you rather than for you. Or maybe im a bit of a softie 😅

My tips would be to:

Get them to cook separately
If it says 20 mins prep assume 40
Try to just leave the kitchen and leave them to it unless they ask for help.
Accept they don't clean up as well as you would (surfaces might be clean but don't look at floor!)

We use Mindful Chef - if they help select the recipes they are more likely to choose which one they want to cook and then do it in my experience.

Aahhh, it sounds like you’ve done a lot of the base work then.

Ours progressed to full meals just really naturally, but not till 16. And it wasn’t the food that I would cook or was in my recipe books, but food they were becoming interested in from insta/tik tok.

Beautiful, exotic looking salads, colourful egg creations, Mexican food.

The only meal they have inherited from me is a chicken roast dinner 😁 all of them can do it with their eyes closed.

I can't believe how much reliance there seems to be on here for expensive kits that come in a box. We really have become a nation of adults who can't plan/think for themselves. There's so many meals that can be thrown together from scratch on 30 mins max.
My DS started cooking with me, then progressed to cooking pre agreed dishes on his own. Now living in his own house on a limited budget, he is batch cooking and freezing. From being a reluctant cook, he developed a real interest in food and flavours. He developed his skills and ideas from watching YouTube videos over time. He can now churn out an interesting meal from whatever is in the cupboard/fridge.

The way I started with my dc was to get a meal that was 'theirs' so when we were having that they would be 'head cook' and I would be assistant. Over time the number of meals that were 'theirs' increased and I no longer needed to be around to help.

18yo ds now cooks about twice a week (and even does lots of veggies for me), 14 yo ds is more like once a fortnight (and I do the veggies).

we started out by teaching the basics (rice pasta potatos white sauce) when your dc age they then cooked together once a month (including planning and shopping).

now the youngest is 15 and they sometimes have to step in due to dh and my work committments.

My DS who’s 13 started off heating up some basic things on the evening I’m out with the younger ones swimming. Just for himself initially so a pizza, chicken and chips, toasties, pesto pasta, scrambled eggs or omelette. Or starting off a freezer crap meal for me in the oven so it’s ready for when we’re home.
He can do other more complex things with supervision and we currently haven’t pushed that but happily have him help out when we’re cooking which I think really is a step not to be missed out.

I think you need to tell them (or pin them down and get them to decide) which night is theirs, otherwise they will lack the initiative. It's developmentally normal - the thinking and planning ahead bit kicks in later. Then have it be the same night each week for ease of remembering and so it fits in with any activities anyone does.

Do you meal plan at some point during the week? Do it at a time they are home, grab them when you sit down to do it and get them to do it with you. They can each choose the meal they will cook (if you want them to make the decision) or you can tell them what you want them to cook. I would get them to locate the recipe they will use as well - mark if it's in a book, or get them to send you a link over whatsapp if it's an online recipe.

That way you can add the ingredients to the shopping list and they don't get to their cooking day and suddenly decide to make something else.

Do a big visual reminder somewhere like if you write the meals up on a board add a name.

I don't think hello fresh is necessary or really a great way to learn cooking and meal planning from the start. I'd say start super simple with minimal planning required and work up to more complex recipes is a better option than have all the thinking done. What about just scrambled eggs on toast? All they need in is bread and eggs plus butter and any condiments? Could also be mushrooms on toast, rarebit. Maybe some grilled tomatoes alongside.

Make having the routine the focus, the recipe not a huge deal to start with as long as it's reasonably nutritious which the above all are. Get the habit formed then more confidence will start building.

My daughter loves cooking and was responsible for cooking dinner at least one night a week. She wanted to. It wasn't even a 'chore' for her. She started when she was about 13.

She used to peruse the BBC Good Food website, find something she wanted to eat and then send me an ingredients list to pick up on the way home and she'd cook for me, her brother and herself. He also cooked once a week but wasn't as adventurous as her!

That might be an approach to take.

Everyone has always meal prepped with me from tiny using proper knives and equipment.

Then we meal plan for the week. Shop together. Everyone has to cook a meal a week. They get to choose what they're cooking.

To be honest it's the shopping that's the hardest to crack. If 3 peoples meals involve courgettes then 1 courgette isn't going to cut it.

DH is the worst for this because he's almost never shopped with me so has no idea of quantities needed for 8 people x 9 meals plus left overs for 1-3 x 5 days a week. Above all it's a massive amount of veg.

Sorry but this is mad, teens boning fish and braising meat over several hours on a school night?
Maybe a small minority but this is the polar opposite of many of the subsequent suggestions of meal kits!