Happy wife, happy life

[Nettyhugs]

AIBU to think the happiest marriages involve a man who truly believes that a happy wife makes for a happy life. I think it works like this - he’s nice to his wife, appreciates her, pulls his weight at home so that she isn’t overburdened, surprises her with little gifts that he saw and made him think of her and is focussed on her happiness. This then gives him a wife who likes him back, fancies the pants off him (because that stuff he does for her is very attractive), is up for regular sex, happily irons his shirts and makes his favourite meals even though she doesn’t have to and indulges him.

This isn’t about love, it’s a given that the couple love each other.

I wouldn't iron my husband's shirts except occasionally. I probably have done it less than 5 times in our 18 year relationship and 12 years of marriage. And he would laugh at the idea of me ironing his shirts to please him. But yes, it's important to make an effort for each other. YET I also believe you can't make someone happy. Meaning it's up to that person to appreciate life and be happy. There are spouses/partners that are incredibly kind to their SO but get nothing in return. And yes they are unlikely to be happy but point being the receiver is choosing not to appreciate and derive joy, happiness from all they are being given

Not just cook and iron. If he's nice and buys little gifts, she'll be up for regular sex

Of course people talk about happy wife happy life as if it means the man is a doormat sometimes, but to me that's exactly what it means - a relationship built on mutual respect and care where neither is taken for granted and they champion each other and therfore bring out the best in each other. Actual teamwork.

I don't fuck my partner as an equivalent action to ironing his shirts, for God's sake (he does his own shirts). I fuck him because I want to and he's great in bed. He doesn't buy me 'little gifts' either. Thus all sounds like a crappy magazine version of what a relationship is. I'm bisexual. If I were with a woman would I be expected to iron her shirts too? Or is that different? Last time I looked I didn't iron shirts with my labia.

Last time I looked I didn't iron shirts with my labia.

That must be where I'm going wrong.

Who'd have thought women wouldn't be the problem in the equality equation at the beginnings of Women's Rights?

TBF, probably every woman, even 200 years ago. But still...

Last time I looked I didn't iron shirts with my labia.

Now that would be a skill.

Would you still want to have sex with your partner if he didn’t appreciate you, left you to shoulder the burden of family life alone and prioritised his own happiness over yours? I personally don’t find that sexy. I wouldn’t want to have sex and would end up in a relationship with a lack of connection and possibly lots of resentment.

My theory is that if a man prioritises his wife’s happiness, she will likely prioritise his happiness in turn. If a woman prioritises her husband’s happiness, I think it’s less likely that he will reciprocate and you still won’t have a happy home. This would explain the hundreds of threads by women on MN complaining that they do so much for their husbands but get fuck all back.

I hate ironing. The only time I iron my DH’s shirts is when I’m feeling warm and fuzzy towards him because I know that he hates ironing even more than I do and in that moment, I just want to do something nice for him and see his face light up when he discovers the neatly ironed shirts in the wardrobe. I feel warm and fuzzy towards my DH when he takes our DD to all her weekend activities without me asking or without fuss, does the food shop and picks up my favourite wine and makes me coffee in the morning. I know he does these things to make me happy and my response to that is to want to make him happy too.

I think both husband and wife should be decent, kind, and appreciative of each other. Both should be happy, both should contribute, both should be equal.

I think marriage works best when you want to bring each other happiness and try to do what you can to make life better for one another whilst not neglecting yourself.

My theory is that if a man prioritises his wife’s happiness, she will likely prioritise his happiness in turn.

I agree that both partners should prioritise each other. I just disagree with the things you put in the group for husbands to do, and the things for wives to do in return. He buys little gifts, and she is up for regular sex?

Women tend to want to make their husbands happy, ime. They are trained/socialised and even possibly as a sex based trait inclined to care.

Men not so much. So a man who works at loving and caring for his wife is what makes the difference. A truly happy marriage rather than one that just goes through the motions relying on the woman to do all the flexing.

Except my mother. She was not like that at all.

I mentioned the regular sex after reading yet another thread about a man with small children he refuses to help raise complaining because his wife isn’t interested in sex. If he shared the parenting burden and bought her flowers every now and again in appreciation of just how hard it is to (for example) breastfeed a baby, she might be up for having sex more often. Choosing to prioritise your wife’s happiness might get you regular sex. That’s not to say anyone owes anyone sex, just that I reckon it’s a natural consequence.

This is exactly what I mean.

eh???

Works both ways. I don't think I could ever really be that happy if my husband wasn't too.

I was with you until ironing shirts and cooking meals. Fuck that. 😂

Do you know what one of the sexiest traits in a man is? Independence. No one wants to "mother" their husband. Talk about a sex drive kill.

I've skimmed through and should say in iron his shirts weekly. Before we lived together I used to pop to his house on my day off and do all his ironing and afternoon, he'd always leave me lunch in the fridge.
I'm very happy and we have a very equal marriage with each of us doing little things for the other because we want too

@Nettyhugs , what absolute bollocks! We fought for equality not to piss all over our partners and treat them like shit. Shame on you.

Doesn't anyone think this is incredibly patronising? It's a bit 'keep the little woman happy' said with a wink down at the golf club bar.

It works in our house.

Yes, of course it is. I love my husband but I don’t think I’ve ever ironed him a shirt in 30 years, or cooked him a meal more than a handful of times. And I certainly don’t exchange sex for housework or childcare.

On the other side of it, a friend of mine was drilled by her mother, that the woman in the relationship must have all the power, as women are more fair and both partners will have a more equitable life. We were young and unmarried at the time, so I thought this was nuts! I'm old and divorced now and I think she was probably right. But only in relationships where there is no mutual respect iykwim. Mutual respect? Great, crack on. Lazy selfish partner? Woman takes the reins, or leaves.

This is much better!

Waterlilysunset ·
I’d love someone to empty the dishwasher without coming to find me to tell me to get a well done. It would be bliss!

I’m not allowed to touch the dishwasher. I don’t load it properly, apparently. Fine by me
😁