To book a surprise holiday for my partner’s birthday?

[SeemToBeConfoosed]

We’ve agreed no holidays this year as we are saving up a house deposit with plans to buy early next year. We have one trip booked to see his family abroad but that’s different as we’ll be staying with them and only paid for flights. We are all on track to have our house deposit ready next year with other little bits left over for new appliances etc.

I’ve also come into a bit of extra money. Nothing major, but about £1000 gifted to me from my aunt on behalf of my grandmother.

DP has mentioned a few times he’d love to go to Greece, but he isn’t wavering on the “no holidays this year” stance. I haven’t pressured him but I do think it’s a shame as we have a bit of spare spending money even if we stick to our house deposit goal, and we also plan to TTC as soon as we’ve bought the house and I want us to enjoy the spontaneity and double income no kids lifestyle whilst we have it, within reason.

It’s not a case of him not being interested, as I said, it’s one of his dreams to go to Greece, but I don’t think he can justify it in n his mind at the moment. He grew up in an impoverished country, single mother working 3 jobs, nothing for his birthdays etc and often denies himself treats. I’ve found 4 nights in a gorgeous part Greece from our local airport the week of his birthday (he’s already booked the week off) with Breakfast included for about £500 all-in-all. It’s a fab deal especially as his birthday is in August. The rest of my £1000 would be dinners, snacks, transfers etc. Going any longer than 4 nights the price jumps up massively so it will deffo be 4 nights. He wouldn’t be asked to spend a single penny on the holiday as that’s obviously an awful position to put somebody in, I’ll cover everything.

So, would I be unreasonable to book it? I just worry I’ll put him in an awkward situation or he’ll feel like I haven’t listened to him stating he doesn’t want a holiday this year. But surely, if I’ve come into some money and wanted to get him a really special gift, then that’s different? It would be a surprise also, tell him on his birthday and then leave 2 days later. That at least gives him time to get his head around it. I genuinely think he’ll love it once he’s there. It’s a pain because he always says he doesn’t like surprises but I know if I ask him now and offer to pay for the holiday he’ll feel guilty and say no.

Opinions welcomed, thank you!

Does he know that you've been given the £1000? If the money was given to you by a relative, it's not your partner's business how you spend it and there shouldn't be an expectation to put it towards the pot of savings for the house. If you are generous enough to use it for a few days to treat your partner, I think that's a lovely idea. I would be thrilled with a surprise like that, but I do think you need to make sure he's not booked anything else for that week!

Stamp duty, furniture? Have you considered the rest of the expenses?

We’re lucky enough to be in a housing association property (he was allowed to keep the tenancy when his mother moved back to their home country) which we will be buying through Right To Acquire, so we will keep all of our furniture. There’s a couple of appliances we want to replace but no rush. We won’t pay stamp duty as FTB.

this is another reason I feel he should get his dream trip

Personally I would book it on the assumption that he will get over the needing to save every penny (particularly as this money is unexpected), and have an amazing time! I would love this and so would my partner. You have years of needing to be careful with money ahead of you, I'd go and have a lovely holiday before all the financial commitments kick in!

Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking regarding things to look back on. He really wants to go to Greece and knows the area he wants to visit. I know we can go one day with kids but it would be different, probably stuck in an all-inclusive, one of us stuck in the hotel room whilst the baby naps, only eating buffet food etc. This, hopefully is our last year as a double income, no kids couple and I really want to just fly him out to Greece, drink wine on the beach, the late-night romantic walks, restaurants etc. It’s not something we’ve done yet in our relationships as we’ve always prioritised going to his home country to see his family (which is fine and I do enjoy those trips), but we’ve never had a couples holiday. It’s not for lack of wanting, but we’ve had other goals.

Our overall house deposit is £25,000 which is plenty for our area, and we’ll hit that easily by next year. I feel like that extra £1000 will be a drop in the water when it comes to our future mortgage payments, and would be much better spent on a lovely experience.

i see you about marriage and it has been offered but we’re leaving it for now for personal reasons, childhood trauma etc. we have a very healthy relationship. I’ve got my own savings pot too

Oh and not much chance of him having something else planned, he’s not the going out on the piss or lads night out type. He’ll probably suggest a BBQ

In that case Id go ahead and book it. I know it was very different circumstances but I'll never forget the look on my Mums face when I took her on a surprise Orient Express day trip for her 80th birthday. She had no idea where I was taking her - I'd just told her to dress reasonably smartly and when we caught the train to Victoria, she assumed we were going to a museum. Her face was a picture when we walked round to the Orient Express platform and she was still taking about it when she was in her nineties. It cost me a fortune and took me months to pay off my credit card, but it was worth every penny to see her reaction. I hope your partners reaction is similar!

No no no, his being sensible. I understand your situation but you have agreed no holidays. Keep the money separate and once you have moved in see how you feel about a break away. IMO it’s a lovely thought but that money will be needed once you have moved. I look back now and we had a 2 income household but even we had unexpected fees we had to pay when we moved. We had budgeted for EVERYTHING but when the invoice came through I was glad I had back up money. You have the rest of your lives. Be sensible and prioritise your extra cash x