Child(12) giving expensive gift

[frogsoutofthebag]

DSD(12) got a necklace earlier this year that her best friend has said she really loves, they have had before and enjoy having matching things.

DSD has asked if she can buy her friend the necklace (which costs £110) for her birthday in a few weeks, she can afford to do this as she gets pocket money and is a good saver. DP would usually buy friends gifts and so would contribute the usual amount but expect her to pay the extra.

I am worried that its too much for a child to spend on a friends gift and will be seen as inappropriate by parents or cause problems at school. (It wouldn't necessarily be obvious how much the necklace costs unless they looked it up.)

Do other parents think it would be unreasonable for a child to buy an expensive gift for a friend?

Hugely awkward, please don’t let her do this! It’s so kind and so well meant but I would be mortified if my daughter received this from a friend.

I would be v uncomfortable with my child recieving a gift of this value from a friend, or even a relative tbh. It would put pressure on reciprocal buying on friends next birthday or xmas

As mentioned above, this is way too much to spend.

Absolutely not £10 budget tops. That's absolutely ridiculous.

Also at that age they have no clue. My dd's ex best friend asked for White Fox for her 11th birthday....yeah right!

You really have to step in here and say no. It is hugely inappropriate. No.

No, I wouldn't let her do this, for lots of reasons. I would tell her that it's too much money to spend on a friend, particularly at this age, and suggest that her friend asks her parents for one for her birthday if she likes it that much. Then go with her to buy something more suitable.

Not a fucking chance.

How much do you spend on a friends gift?

I spend about £20 for my adult female friends - it's enough, it really is.

I agree and think it's a bad idea.

DP however thinks it's fine as it's DSD's money being spent and thinks no one needs to mention how much it costs.

Surely she can buy a very similar but cheaper version??

I know she means well but it’s too much, it could possibly overshadow what her family get her (unless you know their circumstances) and it does put pressure on for a reciprocal gift that would be really awkward.

What's the necklace like? Is it possible to get a similar one somewhere a bit (lot!) cheaper? Twelve year olds also tend to say they love their friend's things to be nice, any chance she's overstating it and not really fussed about the necklace? It could be an expensive mistake.

The best thing to do would be to suggest that she buys a different, much cheaper, matching necklace - as she could get each of them one for much much less than £110 in total.

She's my step-daughter so can't go against dp and say no.
I will heavily advise him against it though, just wanted to see if anyone thought it was okay before I did.

You must be able to find a cheaper alternative? Bet the collective powers of mn can!

What about suggesting she looks for a best friend necklace set where they each keep one half? You can get some really nice ones for much more reasonable price - maybe something like this?

https://www.bloom-boutique.co.uk/personalised-sterling-silver-create-your-own-family-birth-flower-necklace-photo-gift-set?utmmedium=ProducttFeed&utmsource=BloommProductFeed&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADeY4iSxKI7qbvDDVRNyha61bV9jP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgLrW9tj4iwMVqpRQBh1HGxytEAQYDiABEgKhafDBwE

I would feel really awkward about one of dd's friends spending so much on her, lovely a thought though it is.

Please say no! I would tell my dc he wasn't allowed to accept such an expensive gift from a friend, not even if the family was very wealthy because I would feel obliged to spend the same amount for friend's bday later on and it's just not possible.
I would say 30 £ max for Best friend. 15-20 for other friends.

Good idea about looking for a cheaper alternative or even a different cheaper necklace than DSD can buy two of so they can match.
Will suggest these.

But you have the experience of being a 12 year old girl. He doesn’t. It’s ok for you to quite firmly tell him how terrible an idea this is. For one, she won’t keep quiet about the price. She’ll be too excited. It’ll go round the class what she spent, other girls might be snipey and jealous, the friend might feel awkward, her family will most likely be very unhappy and feel a sense of obligation going forward. It’s a really bad idea.

It's too much. It's a lovely thought for your DD to be so generous but it's not appropriate gift for their age and stage.
Also friendships change quickly at their age and you don't want this to cause ill feeling later down the line.

Is it pandora?

He is not showing himself to be a great parent here. A child of that age does not have capacity to make an informed decision about this. She doesn't have a concept of how much money it is or the consequences of spending all of her savings, or realise the ins and outs of navigating a tricky relationship/expectations/other's reactions to the gift. This is where a good parent steps in and readjusts the boundaries to make sure they safeguard their child against possible consequences. He is picking an easy route here which doesn't make him "the bad guy". It's not acceptable, really.

This is hugely inappropriate. Aside from anything else is putting the receiver under pressure. As a parent of a similar aged child I would be furious.

At 12 on the cusp of being a teenager it's highly likely the friendship won't last into teens as they develop their own tastes and form new friendships

That's too much

Is her mum in her life? I imaging she'd take the same view you have - it really is too much.