Child(12) giving expensive gift

[frogsoutofthebag]

DSD(12) got a necklace earlier this year that her best friend has said she really loves, they have had before and enjoy having matching things.

DSD has asked if she can buy her friend the necklace (which costs £110) for her birthday in a few weeks, she can afford to do this as she gets pocket money and is a good saver. DP would usually buy friends gifts and so would contribute the usual amount but expect her to pay the extra.

I am worried that its too much for a child to spend on a friends gift and will be seen as inappropriate by parents or cause problems at school. (It wouldn't necessarily be obvious how much the necklace costs unless they looked it up.)

Do other parents think it would be unreasonable for a child to buy an expensive gift for a friend?

If my daughter received a gift costing this much from a friend, I'd insist she returned it and would make it very clear to the parents that I found it excessive and inappropriate, as though someone was trying to buy my daughter's friendship.

Yes but a limited and difficult relationship.
Wouldn't be helpful to ask her opinion and I don't know what it would be anyway.

I will push that it's a bad idea to both DP and DSD(who might actually understand why better)

what is a White Fox

Clothing brand. Hoodies are around £50

Interested in at what price people think it becomes too much?

My DC are both small so a £5-15 gift is perfect but expect this will increase as they get older and want to give more personal gifts.

£20 max for us for close friends, £10 ish for general classmates birthdays.

The standard here is 20 for a classmate's birthday gift IF invited to their party. As they near the end of primary, and for current 'best friend', this has crept to 25 max.

I think your DSD's friend's mum would probably ask her to return it to DSD if she gave a gift of 110. I would......

Once my dds started secondary school they and their friendship groups started buying their own presents for each other. So a lip gloss, chocolate, enamel badge for blazer . Stuff like that. One of mine bought a friend a pen the same as one she had borrowed and liked. That sort of thing.

I think that's way too much to spend.

Yes agree that's way too much.

DD(12) has a best best friend who she has been with since preschool, absolute super max for this friend would be £25/£30

I misread that and thought it was £10, which could be fine. £110 is massively over the top and inappropriate.
If she has that much money lying around her dad should be helping her put it into savings or whatever.
I personally would be uncomfortable if my best friend spent that much on me as then I would feel I had to reciprocate.
It's way too much.

Absolutely not. £10 budget is the rule of thumb for children’s gifts to friends as far as I’m concerned. Spending more puts the recipient in a tricky position and also sets far too high expectations going forward. I would never spend that amount even on a close family member, let alone a child’s friend

Whilst it’s very kind of your DSD, I would also be concerned that she might feel she needs to buy expensive gifts to keep friends as she gets older. Plus - friendships can be very fickle at that age; what happens if they fall out in a few months?

You and your DP should talk to her about the importance of saving for really important things for herself, not splurging ridiculous amounts of money on a friend’s gift.

It’s a hard no from me.

£10-20 would be the norm.
I think there is the issue that the girl and parents would see this as too much and pull away, thinking it odd to have such a high value gift (and potentially more than they would gift their own child).
There is also the possibility they don't recognise it's value (unless it's a brand and boxed) so might even just see it as a normal £20 gift and not appreciate it's true value.

I don't understand how dad is happy to allow her to spend this much on a friend. If my kids did this they would have no money.
Does he give her an extreme amount of pocket money therefore she doesn't recognise that to many people this is a lot of money?

For a reliable and long term best friend, I would go up to £20-30 maximum.
At this age it's tricky especially for girls as they can fall out. I think your DSD would be gutted if she spent that much and this happened.

Why don't you suggest buying a voucher for the place where it was from? Her friend can then use any other birthday money she gets to put towards it.

Oh - I thought they literally wanted a White Fox LOL

I think it would still end up too expensive tbh (even if half price), but is the necklace something that she might be able to find on Vinted (etc) much cheaper?

Oh no, definitely not. Very awkward