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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to reply and check I got home safely?

36 replies

GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 18:24

Last weekend my boyfriend and I went on a trip, we had a long weekend together and then he had to fly home to work. I stayed the rest of the week and travelled home today (we don’t live together yet). He warned me the night before the transport route was difficult.

So I sent a message at 9am this morning saying I was setting off. Sure enough the journey was hellish. He liked the message and otherwise hasn’t messaged me all day. He would usually ask how the journey went, ask if I got back safe or just check in on his lunch break.

I know I sound needy but how hard is it to send one message? It’s not a nice feeling.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 07/03/2025 18:45

Is he at work? Busy? Just message him and say you're back and it was hell. It would be nice but it's not the end of the world.

TheMorels · 07/03/2025 18:47

It would be the norm. Unless it’s a casual relationship?

GreenWimmin · 07/03/2025 18:48

How busy is he?

Some days I pretty much sit in meetings for 7 hours and barely have time to eat or piss between calls. Sometimes I look at the clock at 11 and suddenly it's 5pm and the day has gone by in a blur.

festivemouse · 07/03/2025 18:49

Hmmm do you usually check in on each other like that? When he did the journey, did you check in with him? If you did I would probably expect the same from him!

Covertcollie · 07/03/2025 18:50

Are you a grown adult with 4 limbs and a head? If so, no. I would find this clingy and suffocating.

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 18:50

TheMorels · 07/03/2025 18:47

It would be the norm. Unless it’s a casual relationship?

It’s not a casual relationship.

OP posts:
Quinlan · 07/03/2025 18:51

But he was working? Did you check he got home safely?

Createausername1970 · 07/03/2025 18:51

It would have been nice, but not a deal breaker for me.

I would message to say I am back and the journey was crap, as he feared.

I work from home with fairly flexible hours, but I can still lose track of time.

amber763 · 07/03/2025 18:51

Don't be weird. Just message him and let him know you're back. He's probably busy.

dammit88 · 07/03/2025 18:55

Have you considered something may have happened to him? I would call him

Meadowfinch · 07/03/2025 19:10

It's Friday night, is he even home yet? Still stuck in a late meeting? Queued on the M25? Dealing with a war time bomb?

Just text him, saying you're back.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 07/03/2025 19:10
Episode 8 Sigh GIF by One Chicago

Yanbu he needs to apologise for not checking in, anything could've happened to you x

biscuitsandbooks · 07/03/2025 19:12

I would find it really odd if DH felt the need to "check in" on me, tbh.

Just message him to say you're home, surely?

Lol13260187 · 07/03/2025 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/03/2025 19:20

I don't see the problem. If you want him to know how the journey went, tell him.

Lindy2 · 07/03/2025 19:20

I think I'd expect some contact from him to see how the journey was going or if I'd got home OK.

It's not a lot to expect or particularly clingy or needy in my option. It's normal communication for many people.

I'd message my mum if she was doing a long journey alone just like I would my husband.

Some people seem to have very low standards in terms of expressing care for others. Yes we can travel alone perfectly competently but it's nice for the significant people in our lives to just want to quickly check we are having a good journey and everything is OK.

Does he normally message in this type of situation OP? Is he working so it might be difficult? I can see why you feel a bit let down.

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 19:21

we have a routine of keeping the other person company during their journey (started by him I’ll add) which I always indulge him in.

no, it’s not the end of the world and I probably am being clingy, but how much time out of his day would it take to message at lunchtime. He was working from home today.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 07/03/2025 19:30

Am sure read thread from the other side recently where one who went home to work was most disgruntled with the extended holidayer!

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 19:32

@Lindy2 he usually messages yes. He was working today.

I think it IS a low bar and a bit off. I’m hurt that he didn’t ask or if I got home ok. We’re looking at nearly 12 hours since I messaged to say I was starting the journey!

I have now messaged myself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 07/03/2025 19:34

Where were you coming from?

BansheeOfTheSouth · 07/03/2025 19:36

12 hours without a message? YABVU

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 07/03/2025 20:11

Clearly messaging someone else Wink

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 20:12

@ludicrouslycapaciousbags dont say it!

he replied saying he had been up working since 5am and sorry I had a crap
journey. Not going to say anything more for now, but not very considerate.

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 07/03/2025 20:13

I mean - you are an adult and maybe he just doest need to check in on you....i would find this irritatingly clingy and needy...sorry OP, but glad you are safe etc - were you coming from Ukraine or some war-type place etc?

Mayhem01 · 07/03/2025 20:13

I think the least he could do is ask how’s it going and are you back yet?

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