Working in a PRU..any advice on getting the kids to respect me?

[Lemur98]

These kids have drug convictions, ASBOs etc. Before the age of 16. They are not afraid of teachers, I'm not saying they're bad kids or that I dislike them, but they are here for a reason.
If you try to discipline them they will not hesitate to hurl a barrage of abuse and swear words and go and smash something up, I've just tried a gentle approach.
I will tell them I need them to do x work, and for some just writing 2 sentences is a massive achievement.
I'm really finding it tough. I start each day afresh, ask about their weekend etc. But I'm careful not to ask about family or home life. The majority of them have very troubled lives and it seems that many are sexually active under the age of 15 even.

I would say they respect our headteacher a bit more who is like a matriarch figure. Some lessons are OK, some if I even ask them to write the title or date they will tell me to shut the fuck up and laugh at me.

Any suggestions? Some staff have a very bantery relationship with the pupils but I'm just not really like that as a person. I am friendly with them but don't talk to them like we're best mates. However with the lack of respect not a lot of progress is made in some lessons. Some pupils do work hard and are making progress but there are those who do nothing.
Any advice/suggestions? I am a qualified teacher but this is my first time in a PRU.

Relationship based approach, Oxytocin is the antidote to cortisol. They need to feel loved and safe to be more compliant x

Thank you. They seem to like me but don't respect me as a person. As in they know they can get away with things, well not that they can get away with it but they just don't respect me enough to do any work.

You need to spend some time getting to know them. Adapt lesson plans and takes so that they can share things about themselves and let them get to know you as well - obviously in an appropriate way - but you need to establish a bond with them first and foremost.

I don't teach in a PRU but I teach some really tricky kids and I've found a combination of friendly chat, along with one on one help with tasks that are related to their lives, has really helped to improve things with them. Praise and reward for when they put in effort - but don't go overboard or it'll lose its significance.

Good luck OP and keep at it! It might take a while before they start to come round, but when they do, it'll make everything so much easier.

Consistency and time.

The PRU should have a fairly robust disciplinary policy. Stick with that - they will be looking for any gaps/deviations between teachers to exploit.

Respect is at different levels. A basic level that allows you to actually teach is necessary and should be created by SLT/ supported by disciplinary policy. It might not be quite the level you expect.

Otherwise it will take time to build relationships. These are often young people that have poor role models and do not trust adults, many for good reasons. You need to be an adult that is calm, consistent and caring and in time they may come to respect you.

Talk to the other teachers in the PRU - use their experience. I would hope there is strong support in place for you to help with difficult situations.

Just get a different job tbh, life is too short to waste on stuff like this. You arent Michelle Pfieffer in Dangerous Minds

These kids rarely hear anything nice about themselves. Try and find something you like about them or compliment something you have done and tell them. It shows you value and respect them and have “seen” them. Always worked for me and i’ve worked in children’s homes etc.

Disagree. These kids really need a grown up to show that they care, because they probably feel like no one else gives a shit, so the OPs job is really meaningful.

@Lemur98 I second getting to know them. Find out what they like, try and make their learning relevant! I've worked with some really challenging kids in a state school and explaining things using what they already know makes it seem less of a barrier to learning. There will productive days and awful days.

Would be a lot more rewarding working with smart and engaged kids who actually want to learn, rather than being abused by little shits all day

Not the same but I have some reaaaaallly challenging groups at the school I teach at, (very tough inner city comp) and have to manage some of those with the most difficult behaviour.
Stay calm, show no fear, be friendly and build relationships. Ask their advice about something low stakes, but that they’ll be interested in (kfc or McDonald’s is a good place to start!) have you seen that x has opened in town, have any of you been there yet? Ask questions as you’re giving things out, so you can speak one to one instead of always to the whole group. Kids more likely to talk then.

Create harmless silly in-jokes or routines, I have a kid who loves wordsearches, I print one for him every lesson. Takes me 15 seconds, means he remains engaged and participates and has learnt some key words. At the beginning of the year he wouldn’t even make eye contact with me or answer his name in the register, now he’s chosen to sit in the front row and says hi whenever he sees me in the corridors.

initially ignore swearing that happens in passing, but always challenge swearing that is at you and sanction accordingly. Once you feel more confident, then challenge the casual swearing in a non confrontational way. I always just say ‘LANGUAGE’ in a mock outraged tone without even looking at the student. They invariably say ‘oh sorry miss’ and we move on. If you shout at them, they’ll shout back. I taught a group yesterday and we learnt about Romeo and Juliet for an hour, and there was not a single swear word uttered in the whole lesson and everyone stayed in their seats throughout. That’s taken me since September with this particular class. Every child has either an EHCP or significant behavioural issues and we’ve had some lessons where I’ve just wanted to hide in a cave 😂😂😂

I went for the mum role.

So I'd tell them about how annoying my teens and or husband were - also talk about my cats. Start to build a relationship basically.

Most kids like pets and are quite amendable to listening to you talk about neutral subjects like pets, your hobbies if you have any.

Friends of mine used to talk about his singing and how he was getting on.

Just makes you a bit more of a person.

Then listen to what they say. Do they have pets? Do they have things they do?

Then you can start to have conversations based on that.

You still need to accept that sometimes they'll work and sometimes they won't. Much more than other students, they are emotionally driven and it's a complex skill to be able to help them control the emotions,

I taught one child once who liked green. I always collected green things - if any description - to show her as it made her day.

Teaching challenging individuals who don't want to be there is brilliant, actually. I had lots of contact with a PRU for some years, and taught basic functional skills in prison, sadly seeing some of my PRU kids coming through the prison system. You have to be consistent, and straight with them, but show them that you are genuinely interested in them and their lives.

Try not to be too horrified about their drug use and being sexually active. These kids from a world you barely know, it's rarely a good place. They desperately need reliable adults around them, even if they think they don't.

I would have died of boredom teaching in a naice school.

Not everyone can deal with PRU kids. Doesn't sound like you can, but I take my hat off to the unlucky few who can.
Only advice I can give you is get the hell out for your own safety

Are you familiar with the PACE approach? This is what we follow in our setting

Starting each day a fresh is great! I used to work in a PRU and now work with complex teens with autism. First and foremost is building a positive relationship. Kindness, warmth and humour, fair boundaries help. Find relatable topics, if they love music, sport, art, cars, animals, pets, gaming, fashion then ask them questions about these topics. Make the lessons relevant to their interests. If writing is difficult, how else can they show their knowledge? Are they having enough movement breaks or general movement within each lesson. Can you get out and about to other locations?

I just wanted to say hats off to those that can handle working in a PRU.

OP, you sound great. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s not the right environment for you though.

Bit raw for me today because I work in a “naice” school and we have just excluded a boy I have worked with intensively for two years. He is starting at a PRU. 😔

Also chat about your own pets if they have pets, chat about your own car if they love cars

Stay calm, show no fear, be friendly and build relationships. Ask their advice about something low stakes, but that they’ll be interested in (kfc or McDonald’s is a good place to start!) have you seen that x has opened in town...

This is exactly the advice I would give. 'Keep calm' is the mantra but if it is not the environment for you get out. It takes a type of person.

Consistency and fairness. Not entering into justifications or negotiations.

Every day is a new day.

High expectations are a form of respect.

It takes time. Time, patience, a sense of humour, investment in showing them that you care about them and that you’re genuine, not doing this just because it’s your job or because you’re trying to bribe/trick them into doing some work. Kids will see through bullshit!

Do you know their backgrounds? Have they experienced trauma? What led to the behaviours that landed them in the PRU?

What are their interests? Do they like music? Gaming? Would they play cards/a board game with you? What are their hopes for the future? Can you support them to find out more about their chosen job/career?

Absolutely just talk about everyday boring mundane stuff. Shall I order some new highlighters/ a new water bottle/travel mug (Get Amazon up on board, get them to help me choose) have you seen this picture of my dog, can you believe she’s nearly four, shall I make the dog a birthday cake? (Google dog birthday cake recipes) etc etc. kids LOVE people asking their opinion, doesn’t matter what about 😂 I once spent three weeks on a quest to find a local shop that sold a particular chocolate bar - I told the kids that they would make my day if they could find it - every day they’d come in going ‘we checked in the petrol station’ or ‘we checked londis’ 😂😂😂😂 it’s nonsense but it’s huuuuuge for these kids who are disengaged and disaffected. They just need some normality and some calm.

My advice is it's not about you. My mum worked in PRUs for years and got kids through GCSEs that no-one thought they were capable of and I never, ever heard her talk about the kids the way you have. It doesn't really matter why they're there, it's your job to teach them for their benefit or at the very least keep them occupied. Games and things can help but they've probably been constantly written off and can tell if you're going to do the same.

And why do you think they behave like little shits?

Most kids who are little shits behave like that because they have parents who don't give a shit.

So although they can be little shits, let's not forget WHY they usually turn into little shits, as the majority in PRUs are from this sort of background.

They're still children and the right person in their life can make a huge difference.

It takes a tough person to be abused all day and not take it personally. You need thick skin and resilience to do a job like that.

My DS has been in a PRU and like so many of these kids he has ADHD. He is 13 and young for his age but lots of this will still apply.

-Talking back, shouting, swearing, aggression is often an ADHD brain seeking a dopamine hit. Don't get into any arguments at all. None. Tell them once then don't respond.

• They may have learned that aggression gets what they want. DS would come home and say "I will kick my TA so I can go to pupil support and do my colouring". If I had my way there would be no exclusions because that's what they want.
• Rewards work if they are immediate. Do this page of work or read to someone or do this maths and you get... Well for DS it's usually game time. But have a very very tight control on electronics.

And look up ADHD Dude on YouTube. It's changed our lives.

Agree with this - you actually start your post listing all the ‘bad’ things about them - but they are kids and everyone will have some fab bits - you need to find them (which takes time and trust) we used to call it mining for gold. I bet they don’t think anything good about themselves.

grab all the training you can, especially around a trauma informed approach, familiarise yourself with each child plan, what works for them, their triggers etc, any EHCPs or behavioural needs. Give it time they will test you to the limit ( because adults let you down, aren’t consistent, leave) and it will be worth it.

young people like this are a hard group so help them celebrate the tiny things - like turning up on time or even being there!

Oh and they aren’t little shits they are kids probably with chaotic home lives, a lack of safe functioning adults around them, care experienced, with diagnosed and undiagnosed complex needs and trauma!