Colleagues contact you on mat leave?

[Yummydindins123]

Hi,
I’m posting this here for traffic.

I have worked in the same department for more than 10 years. I’m hard working, lead a team and thought I had some good friends at work as we used to regularly socialise pre kids, go for coffees, had good chats at work etc.

I have been on maternity leave for 6 months now and this isn’t my first baby. 3 weeks before I started my mat leave I had to stop going in to the office as I was so exhausted and I wfh 2 days per week so my presence had reduced since Covid and socialising began to reduce then too. I still worked hard and got a lot done before I left. I handed over everything in a good state instructions everywhere) and gave them about a month of freedom with extra work that I had done in case they were short staffed. I worked late at night to sort that out.

I was quite disappointed when I started my maternity leave as I only had a handful of people contact me today directly to say good luck (actually these weren’t friends these were more from senior people I worked with who made a nice effort), I didn’t get contacted by my line manager or any of my peers really. I thought this was a bit poor and would hate for my colleagues to feel like this in the past.

Once baby arrived about 2 people contacted me to say congrats and these weren’t people I worked with closely either. Not that I should have expecting much but I received a Moonpig teddy worth <£15 from the whole department and a typed card. For my first baby I did receive a lot from them and they did make an effort which I was grateful for. Now.I know it’s not my first baby and it’s not about the gift value but I was really disappointed that this came across as a lack of effort. I still had a new person enter my life which needed celebrating imo and it came across like they don’t care as it’s not my first. It also felt like - here she goes again taking more time off, causing more work for us to do…. Again. I’m usually the first to dig in my pockets and sort out gifts in the office quite regularly. Noting at the same time as my baby was born I was sent emails to donate for someone else’s baby.
I live down the road from a colleague so I don’t know why they did a Moonpig.

Since I have been on maternity leave no one has contacted me, I know it’s a two way street but I kind of feel neglected and am really sad about it.
Im not a controversial person at all and am quite easy going, get on with most people.

What are your colleagues like while on mat leave? Do they contact you much? Am I expecting too much? Should I get in touch or is it up to them too? Feels like out of sight out of mind which I’m gutted about as I have worked so hard there. I also feel now there are just work colleagues and no longer see them as friends.

AIBU?

I think this is a hard one as many don’t want contacted and folk will think about you then think “oh hope it’s not too early to text” or “oh don’t want to make her think about work”

Also work friends are often folk you get on with but the main thing you actually have in common is work - so unless you want to talk about that, actually you’re not quite as close as you thought.

I didn’t vote as I honestly sit right in the middle.

Your feelings are valid, but these are just colleagues, it’s your second baby and honestly, these are ‘friendships’ of proximity. They are not ‘real’ friends and they are not celebrating the new person in your life because that person isn’t important to them. They will likely never meet them or see them.

Focus on having a lovely mat leave with your new baby - leave work behind for a year/9mth. - you deserve to!! If you want to see colleagues, def get in touch! They will be holding back because whilst you’re on mat leave you’re supposed to be given that time and space away from work.

congrats on your new baby x

Thank you for your advice. It seems so clear now and I feel very naive as we used to share lots of personal discussions and were invited to each others weddings. They are clearly just work colleagues now and nothing else. I will remember that when I go back.

I still had a new person enter my life which needed celebrating imo and it came across like they don’t care as it’s not my first.

Sorry, but this is a you issue. Of course it's something you want to celebrate. And your family will. But everyone else, not so much. Not when it's not your first. It's just human nature.

They are your colleagues not family or friends. They are friendly with you when you are at work but aren't friends.

Of course.
so would you have expected a text message from colleagues you used to speak to every day? Even for the ones it was purely just work chat?
Maybe my expectations are too high but I would contact anyone who had a baby and wish them well regardless if it’s number one or 5.

People's lives are busy. My work friend is on maternity. I saw her in the summer with her baby and suddenly thought this week 'gosh I must message her, it's been ages'. I do think it's natural to get less from work for subsequent babies. They have already contributed to other gifts for you.

Well i’d 100% contact a colleague I was close enough to have their number to say congrats. Would depend on the relationship whether I’d contact them again though during the leave.

But you saw your colleague at least, I’m saying there hasn’t even been a text to say hello from the very beginning. I don’t care about the gift. My whole point is its lack of effort all around.

People are probably just thinking you’ll be massively busy and don’t want to disturb you. I wouldn’t be offended by a typed card either, it’s just a MoonPig / convenience thing.

Yeah, baby number 3...it's just not a big deal to anyone else.
Mine are all grown up now, but I remember the stack of cards and boxes of lovely presents when DC1 was born, and then a few pressies and half a dozen cards for DC2, and poor DC3.. he had hand-me-downs from his brothers and their friends, but I don't remember many cards or new presents at all for him.
OP, this is the way of the world and not worth worrying over. Don't make judgements on your workmates, you want to be able to return on good terms with everyone. Enjoy your maternity leave and your new baby .

It might be an HR thing. I know I have recently been told to ask permission to contact someone on mat leave to tell them what their annual bonus was... Such is the crazy. Or it could just be crappy people. My department coughed up a grand total of £31 for a colleague going on mat leave. £31 from 23 people - including 2 senior managers. I was so appalled I paid for decent gifts out of my own pocket but am still seething now at the people who signed the card and contributed very little or nothing.

I’ve given up expecting any celebration of life events in work. I had a milestone birthday a few weeks ago. No mention of it at all. Just an embarrassed happy birthday from my manager the day before when he asked what I was doing that weekend and I told him. I won’t be contributing to any collections ever again.

They're not real friends. They're pleasant colleagues.

Your baby isn't special to them. I'm sure they're happy for you, but that's as far as it goes. Most of them will never meet your baby so any interest in it is mostly out of politeness. Let's be honest. Other people's families are boring beyond the funny stories, or the problems we have with them that we chat about at work.

No I think it’s just crappy people. I think it’s just common sense for someone when they have a baby to say congrats, like I would if someone was sick I’d say thinking if you, no questions asked.
yea a few years ago I did the same, someone had £8.42 (who on earth put 42p in!!) I just put in £20 to at least buy some flowers.
min from a dept of 60 people so £15 between most isn’t exactly much!!
I know where I stand, all I would like is a simple text, a department that goes on about mental health and wellbeing and can’t get the basics right says a lot I think,

@Iwillquit That’s just terrible. It does make you feel worthless and even questions why you work there in the first place. Dare I say is it NHS like mine?!

One of my direct reports is on mat leave right now, early days, baby born just 2 weeks ago. We are quite friendly, I went to her wedding etc (day time not just night time etc. I did (get my PA to) sort out collection and gift and contributed and arranged a goodbye coffee over zoom for the team (her choice not to have an in-person).

She let me know when baby arrived we exchanged messages/pics. I will probably check in with her in a couple of months time in conjunction with advising her of her pay rise. Other than that I would not contact her first. She is on mat leave and as much as she is a friend she is a friend because she was a colleague first and it is 100% for her to drive how much contact she should have with anyone who reminds her of work when she is focussing on her family and newborn.

Technically - not allowed contact people out on leave.

Talk every day in a work setting? Of course not. I am not even entirely sure how they would find out any personal details about my life. I would expect a message from colleagues who are also friends outside of work. Someone I go to theatre with or for Saturday brunch. Someone with whom I share dinners at each other's houses, someone whose car I sobbed in for 4 hours after breaking up with my boyfriend.
Someone with whom I share a cup of tea in the office - not so much

Some people would be in uproar at being contacted while on ML so maybe they’re wary too.

Well that’s not who I am referring to, these people came to my wedding. I cried about MC as they did to me. It’s more than work talk for some.

Makes me feel utterly worthless and irrelevant having been there 15 years. No, not NHS. A private company that does f value its staff. At all.

This would be a serious HR thing both in my current public sector job and in my previous company. You are simply not allowed to initiate contact when a colleague is on leave (maternity, paternity, sick, annual leave). They can't reach out to you as making contact could be seen as engaging you in work when you are entitled to be left alone on leave. I think you need to be the one to message them and be really clear about being happy to be contacted/how often and by what means (email, message, meeting up).

I wouldn’t contact a colleague who is on mat leave, just to respect their space - I don’t know how they are coping, birth etc and as a colleague I might worry they think I’m not respecting their personal life!

You are being unreasonable. They are your colleagues not close friends. Of course you are friendly and engage with each other in a social manner at work. But you spend time with each other in that context because you are paid to spend time with each other. Also second pregnancies never generate the interest of a first.

I am going off on mat leave soon. I work with a massive team and don’t expect anything off them. I am getting (crap) pay for 9 months; that’s enough for me.