Colleagues contact you on mat leave?

[Yummydindins123]

Hi,
I’m posting this here for traffic.

I have worked in the same department for more than 10 years. I’m hard working, lead a team and thought I had some good friends at work as we used to regularly socialise pre kids, go for coffees, had good chats at work etc.

I have been on maternity leave for 6 months now and this isn’t my first baby. 3 weeks before I started my mat leave I had to stop going in to the office as I was so exhausted and I wfh 2 days per week so my presence had reduced since Covid and socialising began to reduce then too. I still worked hard and got a lot done before I left. I handed over everything in a good state instructions everywhere) and gave them about a month of freedom with extra work that I had done in case they were short staffed. I worked late at night to sort that out.

I was quite disappointed when I started my maternity leave as I only had a handful of people contact me today directly to say good luck (actually these weren’t friends these were more from senior people I worked with who made a nice effort), I didn’t get contacted by my line manager or any of my peers really. I thought this was a bit poor and would hate for my colleagues to feel like this in the past.

Once baby arrived about 2 people contacted me to say congrats and these weren’t people I worked with closely either. Not that I should have expecting much but I received a Moonpig teddy worth <£15 from the whole department and a typed card. For my first baby I did receive a lot from them and they did make an effort which I was grateful for. Now.I know it’s not my first baby and it’s not about the gift value but I was really disappointed that this came across as a lack of effort. I still had a new person enter my life which needed celebrating imo and it came across like they don’t care as it’s not my first. It also felt like - here she goes again taking more time off, causing more work for us to do…. Again. I’m usually the first to dig in my pockets and sort out gifts in the office quite regularly. Noting at the same time as my baby was born I was sent emails to donate for someone else’s baby.
I live down the road from a colleague so I don’t know why they did a Moonpig.

Since I have been on maternity leave no one has contacted me, I know it’s a two way street but I kind of feel neglected and am really sad about it.
Im not a controversial person at all and am quite easy going, get on with most people.

What are your colleagues like while on mat leave? Do they contact you much? Am I expecting too much? Should I get in touch or is it up to them too? Feels like out of sight out of mind which I’m gutted about as I have worked so hard there. I also feel now there are just work colleagues and no longer see them as friends.

AIBU?

This is my third baby, this didn’t happen with my second. I got text messages at least… this time nothing.
it is nothing to do with HR as they didn’t care about this last 2 times. As I have mentioned before these people have been to my wedding and some have been to each others houses….. this time no text. Some have also seen me (and I them) in vulnerable situations unrelated to work. That’s all I was asking for.

some people I only seen as work colleagues but others were not.

I think YABU

I thought this was going to be another thread about being contacted on maternity leave which is a huge no-no apparently.

They have sent you and gift and card and they’re letting you enjoy your time off with your new baby.

When you start reaching out to them more, then I’m sure they will reply.
They just don’t want to disturb you.

Tbh if they're close enough to go to your wedding (and accept the invite), and you generally send the odd text message, they should be sending a congrats text. I'd be a bit miffed by the radio silence if you already maintain 'out of work' comms regularly. But a third baby doesn't have a lot of excitement about it so I really wouldn't be expecting the whip around etc by then, sorry to say!

I think work friends are a bit of a funny one, they can really feel like amazing friends, and you share so much time and experiences with them, but will you stay friends with these people if you left the job? You think you will, but often you don't. It can feel shit but it is just situational. I think it's just a case of that happening a bit with the mat leave :(

I had two babies within two years.
One colleague said 'here we go again' and you know what, yes it probably felt like that to them!
People have busy, stressful lives and how their life is going to be affected by someone being off will be on their mind. Don't take it personally.

That’s so rude isn’t it! It makes you feel they are somehow restricting the number of kids you are “allowed” to have with that reaction.

It’s so true, people only really care about how it affects their lives. Who’s going to cover you etc how long will the gap be.

My only grievance is that I had such a long journey to have a family in the first place, it took years and I thought I had some support there. As soon as you have kids people forget that and don’t give a shite and are variably no support during pregnancy.

Some good POV on here. I’ll move on and get over it!

I can't relate. But where I did have a similar experince was the gifting. When people leave the office they always go all out and make a big deal. Even peoppe who worked there for 6 -9 months on short term contracts. I left my place of work after 3 years and all I got was a generic snack box and typed card. I easioy looked it up and the value was £18 and with the card £3.
Whereas they normally collect £30 per person. I did loads for my office and team and was disappointed.

100% people are less enthused with subsequent children. I noticed it bug time even with in personnfriends and family. 1st child a big fuss. 2nd child crickets 😂

This happened at my work place it didn't help that the person was a stuck up antisocial bat, but when she got back from Mat leave and was 5 months pregnant no one was impressed and no one made a fuss.

I’ve literally just went back to work after my maternity leave and really the only people I heard from were people I was actually friends- rather than colleagues- with, and my manager but he had asked me beforehand if I wanted to keep in touch while off otherwise he wouldn’t have either.

Those are people I communicated/spent time with outside of work pre-mat leave whether that was over text, coffees, some of us go to the same run club or walk our dogs together. Anyone I didn’t already have an outside-of-work relationship with I wouldn’t expect to contact me on mat leave & they didn’t.

I’ve worked at my organisation for 10 years. I have about 5 people’s numbers - one is my boss and two are team members who I manage.

It wouldn’t occur to me to expect colleagues to care about me going on maternity leave. I’d expect a few to drop by and say bye but that’s it.

I understand why you feel like that. These are your colleagues not your friends.

OP I think you’re entitled to feel a bit upset about this. Its a poor show from the ones you consider friends! I work in NHS too in a huge dept where we always have staff on leave. They all get a collection just before they finish up & we buy flowers & some bits & bobs for them/baby. Staff who are closer with the new mum will buy gifts when baby arrives too. I know for a fact they all have visits/ meet ups with close colleagues at least once in their time off. We often share pics on a wats app group & there have been a few large meetups of all the mums with preschool kids ( inc those back at work) with lovely pics of all the babies & toddlers!
Maybe your colleagues feel they would be intruding on your time off ? Why not ask some out for a coffee & catch up?

I'm about to go on mat leave with my second. My team and office were very generous with my first mat leave and I actually emailed the team PA today to ask that there was no whip around for a gift for me this time around!

I'm also very close to my team and wouldn't expect anyone to contact me on mat leave

Honestly, nobody cares that you've had a baby. I mean that in the nicest way. It's a big deal for you and your family, maybe even close friends, but not to colleagues who are busy with their own lives. People usually make an effort with first babies but when you're in your third it's less of a thing.

I wouldn't contact a colleague on mat leave, well maybe just a congratulatory text/ Facebook message but I wouldn't keep in contact unless we were actually friends.

What are the time gaps between your children? People can get contribution fatigue from giving money to collections and there are probably some people who've worked there years who've never had a collection done for them. After a wedding and three babies, people are perhaps a bit fed up of contributing/congratulations? I know that sounds harsh but it is likely.

Given it’s your third, other people outside your immediate family and friends just aren’t as bothered.
I think the effort you said you went to for the handover is irrelevant - ultimately you’re still leaving them short staffed so it won’t be seen as a favour. Sorry if it seems harsh but although your colleagues may be happy for your pregnancy, their day to day work has been impacted.
People may also be a bit fed up of having to contribute for the third time?

I chat to people at work but unless I regularly hang out with someone outside of work I really don't see any reason I'd message them while they aren't actually at work or meant to be thinking about work. Can have lots of chats with colleagues without it being an actual friendship. So unless these are friends outside of work I'd try not to take it personally or let it colour how you are at work when you return. Basically I'd think about if you'd be messaging any of these people if they went on to a new job right now - that's how you'll know if they're a friend or a work friend.

Congratulations on the new baby :-)

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad about this! Your feelings are totally valid.
When my close colleagues have gone on mat leave, I've messaged them occasionally - probably once every few weeks to check in /catch up. I was surprised that none of my other colleagues did the same when I mentioned this in a team meeting but I just don't think it's the norm for some workplaces.

I still had a new person enter my life which needed celebrating

Really?????

Don't you have a family to celebrate with? You sound very demanding of your colleagues.

I’ve seen many posts on here complaining about being contacted by work colleagues when on maternity leave. Maybe they’re just leaving you alone to get on with it with your family ?

Thank you.
it is sad but as least we now know where we really stand. The thing is it is the norm in our workplace, so many people have gone on mat leave and over the years people would have kept in contact (at least say congrats initially) or met up at weekends with closer people, including myself. It’s just not reciprocated which is sad (I’ll get over it) but at least I have other friends and I will focus more on them.

@Shubbypubby I agree that unfortunately this may be it!
You've worked somewhere for 10 years so I'm assuming wedding and 3 babies (I'm not sure of the timeline)

I've worked at my place for 11 years and had a collected when I went on maternity 5 years ago (this was after 2.5 years ttc then failed IVF etc) Unfortunately I haven't been blessed with another child but I would be expecting a big collection or anything for my second. Possibly a token gift and especially for a 3rd....well it's a lot! And they have gave you a gift!
For a lasses 3rd child we did give her a voucher!

I think you have missed my point.

im not talking about gifts itself… i wasnt expecting much either. My point was more referring to the lack of contact from work colleagues who I considered good friends. Obviously there are people at work who are just work colleagues and I didn’t hear from them nor am I bothered (but beside the fact they usually cross work/life boundaries anyways by calling me on my annual leave or non working day so contacting on mat leave wouldn’t have been a HR issue in their view but that’s beside the point). These close colleagues didn’t even sign the card, no text afterwards, it’s been complete silence which I am miffed about. It’s nothing to do with HR. We have been to each others houses, each other weddings, one particular person came to a pregnancy scan so it’s completely different from what you are talking about.

colleagues who I considered good friends.

It isn't about how you consider them, it's about how they consider you.

yea a few years ago I did the same, someone had £8.42 (who on earth put 42p in!!) I just put in £20 to at least buy some flowers.

This is who your team are. If you're not there to put in an extra £20, nobody else is going to do it.

When I went on mat leave, the boss sent flowers on behalf of the team. One other colleague who I also socialised with outside of work brought round a gift. I was fine with that.

When I left after 11 years, there wasn't a card or a big send off, I was also fine with that, I was happy to slink off with no fuss. I knew there would be nothing else as the woman who usually organised cards/whip rounds was on long term sick. I organised a whip round for her because I felt it was important someone did it. Nobody else would have bothered, and that's ok too. Personally I feel it's a silly thing to do, particularly in larger offices. Forcing a donation and a witty card signature for someone you barely know is meaningless. It just becomes another popularity contest. I don't contribute, and do individual gifts for people I know best.