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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not throw a birthday for 2nd child

64 replies

custardandpie · 06/03/2025 09:25

I have DD1 and DD2. Their birthdays are 4 weeks apart. The eldest had 2 big birthdays and one smallish with family. The DD2 is about to turn one very soon. We've had multiple dinner parties recently and eldest childs birthday within the last month.
Now little one is about to turn 1 and I'm worried that we have exhausted ourselves. We can't even set a date as everyone we know is busy this month. I really fancy going to a lush restaurant in London and having a little celebration there for her just as a family.
AIBU? Will she resent not having a big 1st birthday? Will she throw this back in my face? This child is a little more clingy than her sister and prefers quiet surroundings.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 06/03/2025 09:46

I really don't think any child is going to take anything from seeing their sibling not have a big birthday party and it give them a sense of superiority. Load of overthinking there.

It's not a big deal. And not doing anything for a one year old who has no concept of the day doesn't mean anything about what might be done in future years.

Not being arsed about it when the birthday child doesn't have the capacity to be arsed themselves is an entirely valid option.

Needmorelego · 06/03/2025 09:47

She's 1.
She won't care about a meal in a "lush" restaurant. Do that for YOUR birthday.
Do something that 1 year olds like. Go to your local park.....sandpit, swings, pointing at things going "wa dat" and then take a nap 😁

toomuchfaff · 06/03/2025 09:48

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

Are you for real?

Do you remember your first birthday?

The child is 1. Has no idea about celebrations.

876543A · 06/03/2025 09:49

I have good memories of my DD's first birthday. We mainly just threw a party for our friends and family - those who had helped us out during that tough first year and a way to say thank you for their support. And a load of babies crawled about in the middle of the room and we sung them songs. Fond memories. But I remember her second birthday we just had a roast dinner at home and Nanna came over. Doesn't have to be a big do every year. Do what you have the energy for.

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 06/03/2025 09:54

I think you need to do something for her first birthday so that you have a little story to tell and some photos. As others said, it's important for her to know later on that she was as loved and as celebrated as her older sister.

And if that's a nice restaurant as a family then that's great! My boy is now 18mths and we can still take him to nice restaurants and he genuinely enjoys it. He likes food with big flavours and having a captive audience to chat to.

Happy birthday to your daughters!

PinkChaires · 06/03/2025 09:56

Sorry im going against the grain here. If you had done just the one party for DD1 then i would have agreed that dont bother. But 3? Its setting a precedent for later years. What happens when you cant be bothered when dd2 turns 5 because you've already done parties for dd1

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 06/03/2025 09:59

KarmenPQZ · 06/03/2025 09:31

I think you need to do something. For DD1 rather than 2… to help her learn that her little sister gets a birthday and it’s not all about her. It’s a very hard lesson to learn so will be better to start small ish this year as other years but will be bigger

This is what I think too. DC2 won't actually care what is or isn't done for her birthday, but it's really important that DC1 sees her being treated equally (which doesn't mean doing exactly the same). So she doesn't need a big party etc., but it also shouldn't be a non-event or some sort of afterthought after a big celebration for DC1. I do also think that they aren't even that close together so this is a bit of a weak excuse!

IlooklikeNigella · 06/03/2025 09:59

The one year old won't care! We went to a lush restaurant in London and have photos of her fast asleep in her buggy when we were cutting the cake.

But it is simply not ok for dd1 to think that her sister doesn't get celebrated as she does. I'd involve her in arrangements, making a card, choosing at outfit.

Original poster
custardandpie · 06/03/2025 10:00

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 06/03/2025 09:32

What would a one year old get out of a 'lush restaurant in London'?

they are both surprisingly good at restaurants. Monsters anywhere else. we did that for xmas and it's one of my happiest memories as a family.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 06/03/2025 10:02

But it is simply not ok for dd1 to think that her sister doesn't get celebrated as she does. I'd involve her in arrangements, making a card, choosing at outfit.
The older one isn't going to overthink it like that. She isn't going to out 2 and 2 together to make 5. Probably wont even notice.

Original poster
custardandpie · 06/03/2025 10:03

I think you've all brought up very valid points. I hadn't thought about teaching DD1 that it's not all about her.
Might do tea and cake at home and maybe consider the restaurant.
Thank you all

OP posts:
Parker231 · 06/03/2025 10:04

custardandpie · 06/03/2025 09:25

I have DD1 and DD2. Their birthdays are 4 weeks apart. The eldest had 2 big birthdays and one smallish with family. The DD2 is about to turn one very soon. We've had multiple dinner parties recently and eldest childs birthday within the last month.
Now little one is about to turn 1 and I'm worried that we have exhausted ourselves. We can't even set a date as everyone we know is busy this month. I really fancy going to a lush restaurant in London and having a little celebration there for her just as a family.
AIBU? Will she resent not having a big 1st birthday? Will she throw this back in my face? This child is a little more clingy than her sister and prefers quiet surroundings.

A one year old will get nothing from going to a London restaurant. Have present opening and a birthday tea at home with her sister. Neither will remember what happened on their first birthday. At that age, big birthdays are for you rather than them

Gogogo12345 · 06/03/2025 10:04

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

No you don't A one year old will neither know nor care Any celebration is for the parents

Livelaughlurgy · 06/03/2025 10:04

What did you do for your eldest first birthday? You need to replicate. My kids will look at photos from something and then say show me mine.... and it's difficult to say sorry chicken, you're the third child, I ran outta steam

minnienono · 06/03/2025 10:04

First birthdays are for the parents, do what suits you but i question a "lush restaurant" a trip - to the park and a homemade birthday cake with just your household is going to be more enjoyable for them!

TheGoogleMum · 06/03/2025 10:05

For my second child's 1st birthday we took him to a farm park, I think his older sister enjoyed it more though! 1 yr olds don't know what a party is though you definitely don't need to do one. Nice to do something for the child like a trip to a soft play or something

Anon501178 · 06/03/2025 10:05

I think you need to something child focused to celebrate....not sure what a 1yo is going to get from a meal at a 'lush London restaurant' 🤔
Why not do a trip to the zoo or soft play centre with family and take a cake if you want something simple?

POSTC123 · 06/03/2025 10:06

KarmenPQZ · 06/03/2025 09:31

I think you need to do something. For DD1 rather than 2… to help her learn that her little sister gets a birthday and it’s not all about her. It’s a very hard lesson to learn so will be better to start small ish this year as other years but will be bigger

This. I remember the first time my son realised other people had birthdays too. Utter ugly jealousy cry! The only time i heard the same cry was when he first saw me holding a friends baby. 😂

Now he has a little sister. He wants to hold her a birthday party so we are doing a late 0 party. it’s very cute. He has picked balloons and a cake.

Onlycoffee · 06/03/2025 10:07

How would she even know? My adult children have never once asked what we did for their 1st birthday!

Printedword · 06/03/2025 10:09

We only have one DC, we did 2 different parties for first birthday, just GPs and close family for 2 and 3, same plus sep mini party for 4 nursery pals for 4th. Proper parties from age 5.

TunipTheVegimal24 · 06/03/2025 10:11

How far apart in age are they? My two ard two years apart, birthdays are three weeks apart. We do a cake on each one's actual birthday, and a family meal or trip out.

They then have a joint party, sometime that month, whenever it's most convenient for us.

I think it's a good balance, as they both get to feel extra special on their actual days. But two parties in two months, would be untenable. They both seem happy with the arrangement so far x

Doitrightnow · 06/03/2025 10:21

I don't think parties for one year olds are necessary.

I do think doing something the child would like on that day is important though, given you made a fuss of dc1. Whatever they'd like - soft play, zoo, whatever. I know the child won't remember, but they don't remember anything from the first few years and that doesn't mean nothing they do in the first two years affects their development!

HoppingPavlova · 06/03/2025 10:22

Never did any 1yo celebration for any of ours. They have zero idea what a party is at that age. Didn’t start until they understood what a birthday meant and what a party was. Was super simple for the older kids to understand, you don’t get a birthday celebration until you are old enough to know what a birthday is i.e. the point of the celebration.

However, for their first birthdays we purchased a decent gift that would appreciate in value and handed that over to them on their 21st birthday. Was then theirs to keep, sell, hand down to their own kids in same manner, whatever they wanted to do.

kaela100 · 06/03/2025 10:35

The first birthday is for you and for your child to look back on. It's a good idea to do something but it doesn't have to be a massive production - just do something at home.

In the future you will need to figure out ways to make this fair to both kids though.

Coconutter24 · 06/03/2025 10:45

AIBU? Will she resent not having a big 1st birthday? Will she throw this back in my face? This child is a little more clingy than her sister and prefers quiet surroundings.

please tell me you’re joking?!?!
Who even remembers if they had a first birthday?