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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with his childish answer?

44 replies

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:01

So generally my partner of 1.5 years have an open and honest relationship. We make each other happy and get along well. At the weekend we had a small disagreement which is unusual for us and moved on quickly.

He is in a job that means mostly 9-5 with some evening work. Today he mentioned by text that he’s rammed with work and also has ‘a Chinese meeting at 3am’. I asked why on earth and he replied ‘Because why not’ and I am incensed.

on the one hand, I am currently hormonal. On the other, it feels so dismissive? Evasive? He clearly mentions this 3am meeting to cause a stir as it’s out of the ordinary but then won’t say what it’s about.

how would you reply? I think it sounds very unlikely his workplace would expect him to join a meeting at that time.

OP posts:
Cunningfungus · 05/03/2025 23:06

Not sure why you are incensed. I’m guessing the meeting is at 3am because of time zones? I know I’ve had to do meetings at crazy times because of this.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 05/03/2025 23:06

Honestly I would probably reply

"Yeah, true! What's it a meeting about?"

He was probably trying to be jovial. Maybe if he then carried on being weird about it I'd be miffed and think "oh just crack on..."

But based on what he said so far, I wouldn't really be annoyed.

desperatedaysareover · 05/03/2025 23:07

Are you guys maybe entering the ‘getting on each other’s tits’ part of the relationship? Usually about the two year mark, give or take.

Twonewcats · 05/03/2025 23:07

I feel like we're missing a critical part of the story here. Why on earth would him having an overnight Zoom call for work make you incensed??

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/03/2025 23:07

What's a Chinese meeting, op?

Edited - a meeting with China, sorry

pinkdelight · 05/03/2025 23:09

Unless this is the tip of some iceberg, I don't see the issue. He's busy, stressed and didn't want to get into the details. You saying 'why on earth?' Isn't exactly showing genuine interest anyway. You said something a bit snippy and so did he. It's a work meeting. Not much of a talking point. Wouldn't give it any more thought.

Moveoverdarlin · 05/03/2025 23:09

I’d reply ‘Fair enough, hope it goes well’.

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:10

He has never had to attend meetings in the early hours before and works for a British org. So it’s a fair question.

I think I’m suspicious because when we first got together he kept talking about working in China for a while (he loves the culture etc), but then as we became more committed he let go of the idea of moving to another continent.

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 05/03/2025 23:10

I'm confused as to what the problem is here??

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:12

@pinkdelight i didn’t realise my reply was snippy. As I said he works for a British organisation and has never been up at 3am for a meeting, so it seemed a fair ask!

maybe he misread my tone and replied in kind.

OP posts:
titchy · 05/03/2025 23:12

Eh? Have you missed a paragraph somewhere? Or is 'Chinese meeting' some sort of youth slang I'm unfamiliar with. Otherwise you're having a go at him for having an international work call...

BusterGonad · 05/03/2025 23:12

Twonewcats · 05/03/2025 23:07

I feel like we're missing a critical part of the story here. Why on earth would him having an overnight Zoom call for work make you incensed??

I feel exactly the same, and why did the op ask 'why in earth' isn't it obvious due to the time zones? A, few brain cells missing I think.

Cunningfungus · 05/03/2025 23:13

Your update is even more confusing @Lucia23 - are you worried he has some sort of job interview for a job in china or something?

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:13

@titchy he isn’t in the type of job that would generally require a work call at that time. That’s why it’s weird.

OP posts:
AFairDistance · 05/03/2025 23:13

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:10

He has never had to attend meetings in the early hours before and works for a British org. So it’s a fair question.

I think I’m suspicious because when we first got together he kept talking about working in China for a while (he loves the culture etc), but then as we became more committed he let go of the idea of moving to another continent.

But if they have a potentially big. Chinese client they’re trying to get into bed with, say, surely it wouldn’t be terribly surprising? I know an architect friend of mine based in Ireland had a big Hong Kong client at one point, and at one point he was keeping HK hours to try to make a dead,ime.

Clairey1986 · 05/03/2025 23:14

I mean I work for a British firm as part of a global firm and speak to many other geographies daily. Makes sense if he is interested in other cultures that he may have put his hand up to deal with any engagement with china.

3am for us is middle of their day so makes sense that way.

SwerveCity · 05/03/2025 23:14

BusterGonad · 05/03/2025 23:12

I feel exactly the same, and why did the op ask 'why in earth' isn't it obvious due to the time zones? A, few brain cells missing I think.

Show quote history

Because it’s not the norm for him to have meetings at 3am possibly?

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:15

I think so. I think I’m worried he’s dipping his toe back in about taking a job there.

I also think I’m more sensitive because we never usually fight and did at the weekend. Usually we’re really open about how our day goes and this felt like him saying ‘I’m not telling you about my day now’.

OP posts:
Twonewcats · 05/03/2025 23:16

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:13

@titchy he isn’t in the type of job that would generally require a work call at that time. That’s why it’s weird.

Was your reply literally "why on earth?"
Or did you say eg "China? Wow, that's cool, why on earth do you have a meeting with China though?" kind of thing?

If the former, that's not really "asking" anything at all. It sounds arsey and scoffy and I wouldn't have given you a decent reply either

bostonchamps · 05/03/2025 23:16

I'm maybe coming at this from a 'DH and I both have professional al services jobs that could potentially mean Chinese clients' but...wtf? You're incensed? What?

Even if he is dipping his toe into the idea of working in China...you're incensed??

I can't imagine he's super happy about having a call at 3am, either.

OfficerChurlish · 05/03/2025 23:20

I'd just ask him if it's for his (current) job and if so, understand it might be something he's not free to discuss in detail with someone outside the company beyond just saying he has the time commitment. If it's nit for his current job then I think it's reasonable to ask him if it's anything to do with relocating, as he's expressed that interest to you before.

I'd wait and ask face to face, though - he's just said he's super busy and probably doesn't have a lot of time to explain even if he's free to tell you what it's about.

Deadringer · 05/03/2025 23:20

I am sitting here like a thick wondering what a chinese meeting is and if it involves a takeaway. I think yabu

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:28

@bostonchamps we recently had a conversation about settling down together in the UK. So if it is a job interview rather than a ‘meeting’ I’d rather he was up front if plans are changing.

that aside I do fully recognise being incensed is weird and I’m not sure why I feel so angry.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 05/03/2025 23:36

Why don't you ask him straight out (preferably in person) and then you'll know if it was an interview or if he's still considering a move?

Original poster
Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:39

@iamnotalemon good idea. I know people must think I sound nuts but he’s usually not evasive and I know him pretty well. Had my spider senses tingling.

OP posts: