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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so annoyed with his childish answer?

44 replies

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:01

So generally my partner of 1.5 years have an open and honest relationship. We make each other happy and get along well. At the weekend we had a small disagreement which is unusual for us and moved on quickly.

He is in a job that means mostly 9-5 with some evening work. Today he mentioned by text that he’s rammed with work and also has ‘a Chinese meeting at 3am’. I asked why on earth and he replied ‘Because why not’ and I am incensed.

on the one hand, I am currently hormonal. On the other, it feels so dismissive? Evasive? He clearly mentions this 3am meeting to cause a stir as it’s out of the ordinary but then won’t say what it’s about.

how would you reply? I think it sounds very unlikely his workplace would expect him to join a meeting at that time.

OP posts:

iamnotalemon · 05/03/2025 23:42

No, I get it, but it's so difficult over text and I'm often guilty of reading into things that aren't there (or sometimes my senses are right) but it's such a big thing if he is considering moving, that id ask face to face. You may not get the answer you want but I always prefer honesty, as not knowing is awful.

He might have just been trying to be funny or just giving a flippant answer, whereas it's clearly more loaded for you

Hwi · 05/03/2025 23:43

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:10

He has never had to attend meetings in the early hours before and works for a British org. So it’s a fair question.

I think I’m suspicious because when we first got together he kept talking about working in China for a while (he loves the culture etc), but then as we became more committed he let go of the idea of moving to another continent.

Interviewing for a chinese employer?

rosemarble · 05/03/2025 23:43

After a year and a half I would expect you to know for sure whether he has calls with China or not.
Also, you either trust him or not.

I have a meeting with colleagues in Hong Kong tomorrow; thankfully it's at 8am for me (4pm for them)!

Shitmonger · 05/03/2025 23:45

Is he not just being a bit sarcastic? I would think the subtext is “because why not [schedule a meeting in the middle of the night because it’s convenient for the client].” Bit of a dig at the higher-ups, you know?

At least that’s what I’d assume.

FrangipaniBlue · 05/03/2025 23:47

Shitmonger · 05/03/2025 23:45

At least that’s what I’d assume.

This was how I read it too...

Justhere65 · 06/03/2025 00:00

Deadringer · 05/03/2025 23:20

I am sitting here like a thick wondering what a chinese meeting is and if it involves a takeaway. I think yabu

😂😂

KrisAkabusi · 06/03/2025 00:18

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:39

@iamnotalemon good idea. I know people must think I sound nuts but he’s usually not evasive and I know him pretty well. Had my spider senses tingling.

Seriously? Someone else had to suggest just asking him for you to think of that? I know communication these days is gone to the dogs, but did you really not just consider having a conversation with him about this!

Anonforthis58 · 06/03/2025 00:25

i actually thought you meant he was meeting someone for a Chinese meal at 3am 😳 I would have been pissed as I’d want a chinese 🤣🤣 However, now you’ve clarified it’s actually a meeting with a totally different time zone country, then yabu.

WillIEverBeOk · 06/03/2025 01:41

Are you sure it's 3am, and not 3pm and he maybe made a typo?

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 06/03/2025 01:46

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/03/2025 23:07

What's a Chinese meeting, op?

Edited - a meeting with China, sorry

Edited

In fairness I had to read it a couple of times before realising it’s not a euphemism

BlondiePortz · 06/03/2025 01:49

I dont see how the answer is childish and can women mention anything without the word hormones being used?

Tandora · 06/03/2025 02:16

FrangipaniBlue · 05/03/2025 23:47

This was how I read it too...

Show quote history

Same.

Sorry OP, but another one here who thinks you are being unhinged.
he’s not being “evasive”. You sound q paranoid. Are you prone to insecurity in the relationship ?

2021x · 06/03/2025 03:01

Hmmm his answer was a bit short, but there are 1000 reasons for that.

Also we are only getting your side of the story on this, and maybe your disagreement he felt like you were trying to control him, and asking him questions about a meeting with china (or a takeaway) he felt defensive.

Or maybe he is booked in with a prostitute at that time and uses off colour slang to describe it.

PicturePlace · 06/03/2025 03:10

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:10

He has never had to attend meetings in the early hours before and works for a British org. So it’s a fair question.

OP, are you jealous of China?!

GravyBoatWars · 06/03/2025 04:01

The slightly nicer version of his response would be "because that's what time worked for the parties in China regardless of whether it's a shite time for me."

I'm traveling for work right now and if my DH texted to ask me about how my day was going and I told him I was underwater at work and had a 3am call on my calendar I would expect some sort of comiseration or support and for any follow up questions to be aimed at that. If it instead got turned around into me also having to justify my overloaded schedule to my partner when it didn't affect them I would be pretty unamused.

If you just want to hear about what new things are happening for him at work that he needed to have a call with China about, ask that actual question later (preferably in person or on the phone) when he hasn't just told you how overwhelmed he is.

NiftyKoala · 06/03/2025 04:26

Cunningfungus · 05/03/2025 23:06

Not sure why you are incensed. I’m guessing the meeting is at 3am because of time zones? I know I’ve had to do meetings at crazy times because of this.

This has happened to me a ton of times. Dictated by time zones.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/03/2025 05:35

I do t understand why you’d be annoyed?

GreyCarpet · 06/03/2025 06:32

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:28

@bostonchamps we recently had a conversation about settling down together in the UK. So if it is a job interview rather than a ‘meeting’ I’d rather he was up front if plans are changing.

that aside I do fully recognise being incensed is weird and I’m not sure why I feel so angry.

My son had an interview for a job in Japan at 5/6am.

I think it's clear that you're concerned this is what's happening akd perhaps your subconscious kicked in before you'd realised what it was that was actually bothering you which is why you felt incensed but couldn't articulate why.

Obviously, the disagreement at the weekend has unsettled you if you don't usually argue.

I think I'd be inclined to ask him straight out too.

Of course, it's his life and you've only been together for a year and a half so, if he wants to apply for a job in China - somewhere he's previously expressed an interest in living and working - then that is actually OK. But I would also want to know if an interview had been secured. Otherwise, it casts a very different light on your 'open and honest relationship' and I think that's the crux of what is bothering you.

Pootlemcsmootle · 06/03/2025 06:35

Lucia23 · 05/03/2025 23:13

@titchy he isn’t in the type of job that would generally require a work call at that time. That’s why it’s weird.

I thought 'Chinese meeting' was some kind of Gen Z code for a sex act or something given you were so outraged 😄.

Is the real worry that you think he's setting up meetings with Chinese companies to try to move out there?

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