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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s reasonable that I misunderstood what he meant?

32 replies

Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:06

My DP has man flu. We don’t live together so he’s been feeling sorry for himself and barely communicative for days.

He speaks fluent English but is not from here.

Last night after my shift at 11pm, he suddenly text me saying “I want to be intimate with you right now”.

Now I was very confused. Firstly, why was he being so blunt about wanting sex, particularly having been so quiet? Kind of offensive, really. And also, wasn’t he feeling too unwell for sex? He also put some very uncharacteristic hug emojis at the end which made no sense.

As it happened, I did go over (what can I say…I have needs), and while we did have sex, he kept saying he was surprised he’d managed it as he’d felt so unwell.

This baffled me a bit because why invite me over for sex, if you don’t feel up to it?

Today I asked him if he thought he’d be recovered to catch up on Friday. He said he really didn’t know, he was feeling dreadful.

At this point I got a little annoyed. I asked why he was well enough for a very blatant late night booty call yesterday, but suddenly was too ill to meet Friday.

He was completely confused and insisted he hadn’t booty called me and the last thing on his mind last night had been sex, he just really wanted a see me.

After much back and forth, turns out his interpretation of “I want to be intimate with you” meant he wanted a hug and some quality time. He had never heard the phrase used to mean sex.

I actually thought it was rather funny in retrospect but sadly he didn’t and is rather annoyed at my assumption! I feel quite sad about this, firstly because I missed his good intentions but also because he’s genuinely really cross now.

I don’t think IWBU to think that though, based on how a native English speaker would use the word “intimate”.

OP posts:
5128gap · 05/03/2025 17:13

I'm surprised he's annoyed. I'd have thought most people would see the funny side of the misunderstanding. What's he annoyed about?

BlueSlate · 05/03/2025 17:15

I wouldn't use the word 'intimate' to mean sex and it really irritates me when other people do.

BeforeWinter · 05/03/2025 17:15

5128gap · 05/03/2025 17:13

I'm surprised he's annoyed. I'd have thought most people would see the funny side of the misunderstanding. What's he annoyed about?

This. (Though I have to say I have never, before it started to become the favourite sex euphemism on here, come across 'intimacy' used to mean 'sex'.)

BlueSlate · 05/03/2025 17:16

Perhaps he was annoyed because the OP wasnt the intended recipient of the uncharacteristic message and he was uncomfortable trying to explain his way out of it?

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:17

BlueSlate · 05/03/2025 17:16

Perhaps he was annoyed because the OP wasnt the intended recipient of the uncharacteristic message and he was uncomfortable trying to explain his way out of it?

It had my name at the beginning of it so it certainly was meant for me!

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/03/2025 17:18

You're offended that your partner was blunt about sex?? 😳

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:18

BlueSlate · 05/03/2025 17:15

I wouldn't use the word 'intimate' to mean sex and it really irritates me when other people do.

I wouldn’t either but that’s still how I’d interpret someone saying it!

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 17:21

I think this calls for a huge hug rather than annoyance and some reflection on how bad your people skills are that you showed up and in a fit of absentmindedness had sex with him when he just wanted tea and sympathy.

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:21

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/03/2025 17:18

You're offended that your partner was blunt about sex?? 😳

Far from it. Hence I was round there like a shot. But in the context of everything else, it was strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:23

pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 17:21

I think this calls for a huge hug rather than annoyance and some reflection on how bad your people skills are that you showed up and in a fit of absentmindedness had sex with him when he just wanted tea and sympathy.

We’re very very open about sex so it isn’t unusual at all that one of us would be forward about it and the other would oblige so apart from being a bit confused by the abruptness and the phrasing, I had no reason to question it!

OP posts:
CheesePlantBoxes · 05/03/2025 17:23

Doesn't change the fact of the matter that he was well enough for sex but can't predict he will be well enough fit a cuddle 3 days later.

BlueSlate · 05/03/2025 17:24

Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:17

It had my name at the beginning of it so it certainly was meant for me!

Show quote history

Well that's something! 😁

Honestly, I don't know how I'd interpret a message like that.

I'd be really put off any man who used it to mean sex but I'd be equally confused if someone said it to mean they wanted to see me!

In future, it's probably safer to ask, "What do you mean?" Rather than assume.

Even when someone is fluent in another language, there will be moments when they don't get it quite right.

BeforeWinter · 05/03/2025 17:24

But why was he cross?

NovemberMorn · 05/03/2025 17:24

Has he not got a sense of humour?
He should be appreciative that you went round with romance on your mind...even if it was a misunderstanding.😏

OtterlyMad · 05/03/2025 17:24

He doesn’t have the right to be annoyed (and I say that as someone who speaks other languages and knows what it is likely to make embarrassing mistakes!) he just needs to own it and see the funny side like you do. Is he always so uptight?

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:26

BeforeWinter · 05/03/2025 17:24

But why was he cross?

He seems to feel discredited, I suppose? Because I accused him of calling me for sex and then claiming to be ill.

OP posts:
Bourbonbonbon · 05/03/2025 17:26

You'll have to tell him that phrase only has one meaning between a man and a woman. You couldn't have known he didn't know.

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:27

CheesePlantBoxes · 05/03/2025 17:23

Doesn't change the fact of the matter that he was well enough for sex but can't predict he will be well enough fit a cuddle 3 days later.

This has crossed my mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:27

Bourbonbonbon · 05/03/2025 17:26

You'll have to tell him that phrase only has one meaning between a man and a woman. You couldn't have known he didn't know.

I did! He just didn’t seem to think that was a good enough excuse for my earlier annoyance.

OP posts:
Stripytablecloth · 05/03/2025 17:28

I don’t get why he was cross. I mean, he messaged, you went round, you both wanted to have sex presumably, so what’s the problem?

Original poster
Creedible · 05/03/2025 17:29

Stripytablecloth · 05/03/2025 17:28

I don’t get why he was cross. I mean, he messaged, you went round, you both wanted to have sex presumably, so what’s the problem?

Because I called him out for being well enough to bluntly invite me over for sex when he fancied it, but suddenly really unwell again when I asked if he’d expect to be recovered by Friday.

OP posts:
Quinlan · 05/03/2025 17:30

Why did you have sex with someone with the flu? Or even a bad cold?
Nothing more sexy than dripping nose sex? And now you’re going to end up just as unwell. Just… ugh.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 05/03/2025 17:32

Everybody is reasonable here apart from the bit where he's sulking over your misunderstanding.

MotherTuckinGenius · 05/03/2025 17:37

Quinlan · 05/03/2025 17:30

Why did you have sex with someone with the flu? Or even a bad cold?
Nothing more sexy than dripping nose sex? And now you’re going to end up just as unwell. Just… ugh.

👆this

DoYouReally · 05/03/2025 19:01

You can be intimate without sex and have sex where there is little intimacy (it's fairly shit sex but it is possible).

I wouldn't necessarily have assumed sex but understand why you could take it that way.

There seems to be limited go with the flow in this relationship. You both need to relax and calm down - this isn't a big deal either way. It's definitely not worth any of the disagreements.