To not want my sons to go to private school because of the culture?

[NimblePoster]

I know private schools have advantages, but I keep hearing horror stories about the culture - elitism, strange traditions, and boys being pressured into weird or degrading games (yes, including that one). I don’t want my sons exposed to that environment, even if the academics are good. AIBU to think private schools might not be worth it?

You shouldn’t believe everything you read in the Daily Mail.

There are lots of very normal independent schools with no weird sexual rituals. Most if not all in fact.

I think you’re talking about stories from a handful of private boarding schools, several decades ago.

Most private schools are day schools and there’s none of that there. It also has mostly disappeared at boarding schools.

Agreed. My husband did and I am absolutely against sending our son even though pushy GP will likely offer to pay for the school of their choice.

It helped my husband with networking but completely fucked up his mental health via anxiety and depression. He also has an air of entitlement and can be a completely arrogant twit who doesn’t think anything of bashing those less fortunate in early life

and yes there were weird things they all did to each other like pissing on boys while they were asleep

I don't have any experience of private school so this might be a one off but my son has just quit a hobby he loved because a large number in the group are from private school and their entitled behaviour and they way they spoke to the volunteers was shocking. They were vile to everyone who didn't go to their school, they totally ruined it for him.

I'd wager that the people sharing these "horror" stories have either never been to a private school themselves or are 107 years old...

Are you talking about boarding schools? Day schools there's not much time for strange customs. And you would soon know if anything you didn't approve of was going on. I think most of these tales are from years ago. Teaching good behaviour and good manners as well as academic achievement is all on the plus side.

There are good Private Schools, there are shit Private Schools. There are good State Schools, there a shit State Schools.

Do some research on specific ones, check your bank balance, make a choice.

My experience at Guides was the exact opposite - I was the only privately educated girl in the group and the other girls were horrible to me. Some people are arseholes and will be arseholes wherever they are schooled.

Are you talking about Eton or those sort of highly elite schools? You do know the vast majority of private schools are nothing like that?!

My ds school is a small day school with lots of kids on burseries and scholarships. Definitely no weird degrading games 😂

I can't speak for Eton specifically but there are no weird or degrading games st most public schools either. Just like you don't get your head flushed down the loo at most state schools!

I went to private school as did both my DC.

Not one of us ever experienced this in any way, shape or form.

There is a vast spectrum of different types of private schools. What you're talking about sounds like the example of the worst stereotypes of behaviour that you get at the super elite schools (Eton/Harrow/Winchester College etc). That's a very very small sample of what the "private school" universe encompasses. Even within that super elite fragment I very much doubt all of the kids in these schools are arseholes.

There are some entitled posho arseholes at some private schools. But there are some twats in the comprehensive system as well.

You have to take it school by school.

Depends on the school

Teens can be entitled & selfish at the best of the times obviously for some attending private school doesn't help.

So don’t send your child to private school? The overwhelming majority of children in the UK don’t. State education hardly some kid of wacky, out-there decision, like sending them to be raised by Siberian shamen or something.

There are some Private schools I wouldn't send my children to if you paid me. But there are some I would have happily sold a kidney to get my children into.

Just like there are some state schools - like the one near where I grew up - where I would do everything in my power not to send my child to and there are some I would do everything I could to get my child into the catchment area for.

Every school is different. Some private schools are awful, some state schools are awful.

This is the equivalent of me saying I don't want to send my children to a state school to avoid knives - they don't exist in every state school

You cannot paint the entire sector with one brush - go see the schools in question and weigh up which is better for your child. Unfortunately you will find a huge amount of reverse snobbery on MN based on some people deciding on entitlement based on meeting one privately educated individual

Last I heard private school wasn’t compulsory so do what you like.
This is an entirely pointless thread, which will go down the route of anecdata, defensiveness and generalisations both ways.

Some private schools aren't worth it. Some are (depending on what affect the amount of money would have on your family life). There's no point assuming they're all great because you pay for them. Plenty are bad, or bad in some ways, or ok but not really worth the price. If you have the money, it's worth looking at all the schools around you and then deciding.

I don't particularly think private schools should exist and couldn't afford one anyway, btw, so I really have no skin in the game.

My husband and his brother went to private school both for primary and secondary. As far as I can gather they had a very 'normal' school experience just smaller class sizes and more resources. Granted, it wasn't one of the big name ones so things might be different there.

I wouldn't want it for DD particularly, I'd like her to grow up with a more inclusive and balanced view of the world. On the other hand, that's incredibly easy for me to say as she currently attends a fantastic primary school ('outstanding' though she was there before they received that rating and it wasn't the be all and end all for me), and we're in catchment for an equally great secondary. Also of course, we couldn't afford it anyway, so I haven't actually had to make the decision in practice!

I've got a great idea OP and it's one you may not have thought of before.

Why not send your kid to a state school?

Just throwing that out there as a suggestion...

Good god what ridiculous double standards! My dc are at an independent. How would you react OP if I said I would not send them to state school’ because of the culture’!
My Dc have the loveliest group of friends at school, also at clubs like scouts where the majority are state educated.
Do you really think people pay upwards of 20k a year for their kids to be exposed to ‘ weird and degrading games’ ?

I went to state school and taught in several for almost 20 years. Family members went to private. They are all well rounded normal people. I now teach privately so i teach kids from both backgrounds. No issues from any private school in my area

I wouldn't send either a son or daughter to a single sex school. I think it's healthier for children to mix with each other socially. Also wouldn't send my child to any kind of boarding school even if I won the lottery.
Other than that I think private school is probably a good opportunity if you can afford it for your children.