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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I do ? Is this a red flag ?

29 replies

Briannaivy · 05/03/2025 05:09

So I met this man at the club about a month ago. He’s 34 and I’m 24 anyways I’ve noticed that since I’ve been in contact with him, he’s been suggesting me to come over his home ? This was even before he even took me on an actual date? I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t do house visits, and I’m not the type of chick that’s going to go to a man’s home. He suggested me going over there after a rough day at work, said he would cook for me etc. I never went, I declined. He agreed and said he wasn’t trying to make me feel uncomfortable. How he was just trying to take my mind off of things.

I finally agreed to go on a date with him, he took me to this very lavish restaurant. Afterwards he suggested we continue our date with a movie…. I asked him where ? He said his house, and how he has all the movies over there. I keep telling him I’m not going to go over his house yet anytime soon…. He agreed and said he understood. He’s very infatuated with my looks.

He’s really sweet and has all his stuff together financially He’s respectful and consistent …. He’s not my type but I thought I’d try something different. Yet is this a man that just wants my body or something more ? He has been communicating with me after the first date… yet I noticed his replies have been slower.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 05/03/2025 05:12

Yes, it sounds as though he wants to sleep with you and now that you're not putting out he is losing interest. Why would you be interested in him?

Okthenguys · 05/03/2025 05:13

If your gut is telling you no, please listen. It’s strange that he keeps trying to pressure you to go specifically to his house when you e repeatedly said you’re not comfortable. Beyond the obvious (many perpetrators prefer to have victims at their home turf where they have full control and the victim less help) - it is a massive red flag that he consistently ignores you and keeps trying to pressure you. I would refuse to see him again.

Neveranynamesleft · 05/03/2025 05:17

Another vote for stay away.

JustJack2002 · 05/03/2025 05:27

Listen to your instinct. Given his persistence in you going to his home despite your repeatedly say no, it makes me think he might have cameras set up about the place.

Original poster
Briannaivy · 05/03/2025 05:38

after the date I asked him to drop me off to this restaurant. My family happened to be there… he wanted to get out the car and meet my family. I told him that it was to soon and he kind of got offended

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 05/03/2025 05:48

Throw this one back.

SauvignonBlonk · 05/03/2025 06:21

Don’t ignore your gut feeling. It exists for a reason. He sounds a bit intense and eager.
Dating should be fun, he’s putting a lot of pressure on you.

Hemlocked · 05/03/2025 06:27

You sound like you have your wits about you OP. Just keep listening to your gut and don't allow yourself to be manipulated or coerced into anything you don't feel 100% comfortable with.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 05/03/2025 06:32

When they try to get you to their home it indicates they want to put in very little effort anymore.

Let him get offended. Not your problem. Wise of you to stay away.

jeaux90 · 05/03/2025 06:35

Well he's clearly pushing your boundaries which is never a good sign.

CalicoPusscat · 05/03/2025 06:38

He sounds horrible 😬

Don't see him again. It would be more of the same, him just trying to get you to his place.

HelmholtzWatson · 05/03/2025 06:42

Make him wait. If he's interested, he will, and if he isn't, he wont.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 05/03/2025 06:47

If you are posting on the internet asking if it’s a red flag… 🚩 it’s s a red flag

And having done 3 years OLD i can confirm if you ever find yourself thinking “IS this a red flag?” The answer long term is always
Yes. Yes it was a red flag…

throw him back.
dump block delete

Justsayit123 · 05/03/2025 06:52

Get rid!!

Original poster
Briannaivy · 05/03/2025 06:57

My question is why was he wanting to meet my family after our first date ?

OP posts:
myplace · 05/03/2025 07:00

To charm them and embed himself so you find it harder to say no.

HoskinsChoice · 05/03/2025 08:42

'Chick'.

'He took me to a restaurant'.

Urgh.

CottageGoblin · 05/03/2025 08:43

listen to what your instincts are telling you!

KimberleyClark · 05/03/2025 08:47

YANBU to trust your instincts. However, YABVU to use the word “chick”.

8angle1 · 05/03/2025 08:49

do any women really refer to themselves as a "chick"??

NormasArse · 05/03/2025 08:51

He has an impressive house and he wants you to see it.

LostMyLanyard · 05/03/2025 08:52

He's NOT respectful though is he??

Lurkingandlearning · 05/03/2025 10:47

Briannaivy · 05/03/2025 05:38

after the date I asked him to drop me off to this restaurant. My family happened to be there… he wanted to get out the car and meet my family. I told him that it was to soon and he kind of got offended

That’s weird. Months and months too soon to be meeting family. Any normal person would know that

JHound · 05/03/2025 11:25

Please block him.

Learn to block men quickly. He has shown you who is and what he’s after. You are trying to establish a boundary when you should simply be holding.

JHound · 05/03/2025 11:26

Honestly these kinds of posts are beyond frustrating. He is not nice and respectful. He just wants to have sex with you and them ghost. I don’t understand why he has not been blocked already!