How does one enter “The Establishment” - Orders, decorations, and medals

[Classdistinction]

I would love any examples anyone can give. I am Canadian and after a vacation exploring the British isles, I’m well on my way to becoming an Anglophile

I have no interest in that scene but am fascinated by it as a pet project

To my question, how does one become accepted in those circles, rubbing shoulders with aristocracy, the elite old powerful influential international families, and the emerging young super rich who wield some power as new kids on the block due to immense wealth, how does one enter these circles without being a talented entertainer or athlete, basically without being the performing monkey singing for their supper

How significant are the secret societies in this

A lot of this in the UK framework will be rooted in class divides. I am not well versed, but I do acknowledge it’s important to understand that “entering the establishment” is a complex idea, and social mobility can manifest in various ways.

I’ll use an example everyone will hopefully recognise of a British working class woman who rose through the gatekeepers and was finally able to receive honours and appears to mix comfortably in these circles,

Dame Julie Walters
She came from a working-class background in Smethwick, near Birmingham.

She has become one of Britain's most beloved and respected actresses, with a long and successful career in film, television, and theatre.

She has received numerous awards, including BAFTAs, and was appointed a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire (DBE) for her services to drama.

This is a good example of someone who through her own talents, and hard work, has reached the highest levels of recognition in the British society.
It is important to say that the concept of "entering the Aristocracy" is very different from gaining honors. The Aristocracy is a very specific group within the upper class. However, Dame Julie Walters is a very good example of a person who has come from a working class back ground to reach the highest levels of British society.

Which types of hoops might she have needed to jump through, apart from charitable causes and remaining scandal free.

Is elocution important in current times. Margaret Thatcher famously had elocution classes, as did Julie Walters. It seems to me, that sort of accent is dated and disappearing possibly

There's a book called Watching the English by Kate Fox which might help to some extent

To continue with your example, Julie Walters has been rewarded for being entertaining and has not been accepted into the establishment, never mind the aristocracy. It smacks of a modern day court jester. ‘Performing monkey’ as you accurately put it!

She might be allowed to ‘rub shoulders’ but will she benefit from the ingrained nepotism that only exists when generations of your family went to the same schools, the same weddings, the same workplaces? Does she follow the unwritten rules around clothing, leisure activities, holiday locations that the upper classes and establishment ‘speak fluently’?

Here’s another example: Megan Markle. I don’t care what people’s views of her are but she does illustrate how closed that part of society is.

Beauty! Thanks hey, the kind of stuff I’m looking for definitely

Equally interested in British people’s lived experience on this subject

I don't think Julie Walter's would be considered to be part of the establishment, Dame or not.

She has been bestowed an honour based on her body of work and the money it will have bought into the country via her films, as well as to acknowledge her talent. She will not be being invited to country houses and events based on her being a Dame. Her life will continue as before she was honoured.

The establishment, in my eyes, are basically anyone whose family have been knocking about for years - country house, proper title (Duke etc) and wealth. They understand all the silly unwritten rules that make them old money. I'm not sure that you can actually become part of the establishment. It's like an old boys club based on whether or not you ever rode on a horse with a king in a fight.

There's new money (eg Elton John) but the old money wouldn't accept him as part of the establishment. That's how I see it anyway. It's an interesting question and I'll be interested to see how other people see it.

One of my younger relatives has married into it.

Working class, went to Uni and got great degree, got prestigious career in London, rubbed shoulders with very successful people, met and married into near aristocracy.

The path was Education, Career and Location.

Achievements in charity, business, or the arts are probably the most common reason for accepting a title. The "aristocracy" inherit their status. Most people probably regard them as a joke.

Admittedly Walters is an ill fit p, or more accurately non fit example of what I was trying to illustrate, but I couldn’t come up with my own examples of people who have actually done this

Megan is a tale as old as time of power having entertainers as side sex object, just diverting companions really, a bit like courtesans of old, who could occasionally wield a bit of influence or power due to being devastatingly cunning like Meg, brash American actress cum wiz royal puppet master, you can’t help but be fascinated with this stuff.
I’m less interested in Meg because obviously it was a combination of control through sexual bonds and that she presented herself as the maternal figure he never had, who could also free him from his gilded cage and allow them to access the American elite and entertainment industry thus earning wild amounts of money beyond the dreams of avarice.
Have to take your hat off to Megs. But she’s just another performing monkey singing for her supper.

Assuming your relative is female, I’m assuming she is beautiful, if so, not surprising.

Did she have to transform in anyway to fit into her new life, or did she remain as she always was?

she presented herself as the maternal figure he never had

Hmmm, scratching my head as to why Harry lost his maternal figure… Could it be, could it be, that his mother was not accepted into the establishment despite being born adjacent and groomed into the role, a role which she couldn’t then perform to an acceptable level?!

Kate Middleton understood the assignment.

Reckon you have it spot on. I would doff my cap to you but I don’t believe in it 🤣

Diana had a more aristocratic lineage than Charles, surely she was even more establishment than Charles. She was selected as a teenager to become brood mare, to secure the crown with a more direct lineage.
-But even Diana was sent to finishing school, I’m not sure why this would be necessary if you’ve attended an elite boarding school and rubbed shoulders with these people all your life.

Indeed, OP, and just goes to show how impossible it is to genuinely enter and be accepted by the true establishment.

Finishing school is less about ‘education’ and more part of the networking, just like the boarding schools before it and the sports clubs that follow.

(The only ‘education’ delivered is behavioural and, again, unique to women. Where are the finishing schools for young men?)

Bullingdon Club and Garricks etc are the finishing schools for men. Where they go to perfect their posh twat misogyny and a nod and a wink.

The establishment keeps it's power with its institutions. For example:
DS is at Oxford University, and some people there ask him what school he went to as a way to find out if he's 'one of them'. He answers honestly with the name of his state school and is quite personable so gets on OK but will always be 'non-U'.
He has joined the rowing club as a novice and doesn't have access to the exclusive first team because he never rowed before, they all did it at school.
He doesn't attend the fancy balls, they are hundreds of pounds a ticket, excluding people they don't want.
DS is there for the world class education so all the distractions are barely on his radar most of the time but he's noticed some people are clearly there mainly to make connections, and the colleges facilitate that.

Catherine and Pippa Middleton were nicknamed the wisteria sisters because they were considered social climbers. ‘Catherine doors to manual’ was also a put down used as her mother was once an air hostess. However, Catherine is now probably the most popular royal and has a lot more class than the people who came up with the snobby put downs.

If you think being aristocratic is worth anything, then it follows that the aristocracy can’t take on too many people that are non aristocratic because then nothing will set them apart from ordinary people.

I think nowadays people are fascinated by the royals because, like popular celebrities, they have good PR and stylists. The rest of the aristocracy is completely dull.

I’d say money but the ‘poshest’ person I know, parents millionaires, started her own very successful business was considered a ‘gold digger’ by her DHs old money family! And never really accepted.
She had the right accent, went to ann expensive private school, lived in Mayfair and has plenty of cash, but her dad made his money himself ( how coarse!) as a builder from East End roots and her mum was a nurse ( puke!) who stayed on as one even after the kids were born and they had ££££ because she loved her work.

I’m not sure you would want one part of the ‘establishment’- I’ve rubbed shoulders with a lot of them via work, and money can’t buy brains or a decent personality- I’ll tell you that much!

I think there are two different sides. There is being born into it and there is being recognised.

DH holds a formal role which means we would go to state funerals, weddings coronations etc and have to attend numerous dinners, services, events, host on royal visits and senior judicial visits etc. He also has to open things like hospitals, schools etc. He has a uniform and a sword etc. it’s a royal appointment which he was put forward for as a result of voluntary work he does. The process was nomination and seconded (both without his knowledge), extensive research into him by a judicial committee, once approved his name was put forward to the monarch and he was selected in a very formal and ancient process. We both went to state schools, no society connections or anything like that. We are reasonably well off (both earn over six figures and work in the professions), have a nice house etc but no free mason old boys network type stuff.

It is sort of self selecting to an extent since you have to be able to afford to do it if appointed. It isn’t remunerated. There is a lot of travel and time involved. Lots of small talk with strangers.

This is so clearly written by AI it's laughable.

What is with the influx of ai on here lately

If so, this AI seems to have fundamentally confused getting something in the New Years Honours list with ‘entering the aristocracy’. OP, I assure you that (to take a couple of examples at random who got a gong this year),neither Gareth Southgate nor Gerald Davies have become aristocrats, or aristocrat-adjacent. 😀

Yes the honours list is very different. It is just a formal recognition and doesn't really mean anything. It isn't an automatic entry to the county set.

Female yes, but certainly not a trophy wife type! Very clever and well-read, many interests and extremely capable - the kind of person who would survive an apocalypse because they Can Do.

Certainly hasn't changed an iota, just adding more and more skills now there's more things to be managed.

Haha!!! Beckham and his wife seem to mix with royalty & the elite, and they definitely lack elocution 😂

I do think though, that the likes of Beckham will be viewed by the established 'old money' types as 'new money' and 'not one of us' even if they are liked and accepted... They just won't quite ever be seen as the same

She isn’t in the establishment. If you’re working class, no matter what you do, you’ll be middle class at best. Never do you enter the establishment from anywhere but birth.

I couldn’t come up with my own examples of people who have actually done this

That’s because they’re as rare as rocking horse shit. The Establishment and aristocracy are two completely different things. It’s much easier to become part of the Establishment through a career in politics, journalism, law, finance, etc. Aristocracy, forget it, you’re born an aristocrat and that’s the only way in.

Yes, this. An OBE or MBE is like winning an Emmy, more an award for work you’ve done. Anyone could get one, technically.

Sometimes it’s just luck and knowing the right people. I used to live in another big global city (not London, outside the UK). And I became friends with some folks who happened to belong to a charitable sort of society organisation, basically like a not-for-profit that fundraised through big galas and art auctions and society balls. I got invited to join this organisation and spent a lot of time with very old money, European aristocracy sorts. Met some viscounts and other minor Royals.

This was 20 years ago now, but still keep in touch with some of them. It wasn’t my scene but I definitely have some friends who aren’t Old Money who have married into that world or just stayed involved because of our social circle. The ones I knew I got the sense they were maybe a bit bored with the scene and enjoyed having us around because we were quite normal and refreshing. It was very same-y. Same people every party. Eventually you’ve shagged everyone or you get tired of being stuck with Henry every time because he’s always so coked up and that’s very 5 years ago. Or there is genuine charitable work to be done, but 90% of the room is just there for the free flowing champagne, and they liked people around who would actually do some graft. It was a really interesting world. I definitely got bored of it though eventually.

Interestingly, there were a few people who like me had no ties to any sort of aristocratic upbringing who had created almost like a new life for themselves. Cut ties with their very ordinary families, almost in character, pretending to be what they weren’t, very over the top caricatures, and had lived that way for decades. It was very interesting to watch when you knew the backstory.