Son had just squared up to me

[Jewel1234]

Advise my 15 year old son keeps getting angry out burst he’s just squared up to me and went to hit his older sister

Thank you.

Some of you are being ridiculous with all of the ‘just a child’ bollocks! This is a big part of the reason why society is so fucked up these days. He’s 15 not 5 and presumably perfectly capable of knowing right from wrong. I think calling the police etc is extreme but he definitely needs a major bollocking and a serious consequence. He might not have actually hit OP or his sister but it sounds as if he came close and this is completely unacceptable. If it’s not dealt with now then it could end up actually hurting someone next time! If he hits someone outside of the home then he may well end up facing criminal charges. With some of the attitudes on here there’s no wonder the behaviour of teenagers is out of control!

You absolute idiot.

I'm trying g to put myself in your position and I think my immediate reaction - if not in a heightened escalated space myself, we don't know the circumstances- would actually be to sit down and say 'Oh no Michael', v calmly and sadly. I know this softer approach deflates my ds' anger if not immediately then with time. I don't return the heat and it cools him and an apology quickly follows and then once calm we talk it through and lay down v clear and firm boundaries. Awful as it was he's probably frightened himself also.

If things escalated for a particular reason, you can discuss a better plan for dealing with such difficulties in future but making clear that physical aggression won't be an option.

If he did this to your 15 year old daughter you wouldn't be so lenient.

I long for the days when out-of-control young men were sent to Borstal or military school or the army. At least they had an incentive to behave. Bring back National Service for the PITAs.

Well this has just unlocked a new fear about only having sons. I didn’t realise it’s a common thing for teenage boys to threaten their mums 😖

Not in the culture I grew up in it isn't.
I'll probably get shit for saying it, but there it is.

not all sons.
I only know two mum's who's sons have done this, and with an incredibly gentle and empathic 18 year old son myself, I know a fair number of boys

Well said i agree although im geting quoted alot even told to get english lessons.
But you are 100% right.

Fifteen year old boys, unchecked, can end up killing someone:

https://x.com/CrimeLdn/status/1896623148768129445

Sending a hug, I lived with a violent abusive brother who ruined my childhood, he used to beat me, my sister and my mother. She was too afraid of my father's response if she had told him, he too was violent and she thought he would kill my brother if Dad knew of brother's violent behaviour. We all lived with brother's beatings and father's horrible temper. Still affects me now and I'm 65.
Dear OP you deserve to be without this fear. Tell your son if he even once hits either of you he will be removed from your family home.
Please be safe.

I’m guessing that if you’re able to post, things have calmed down slightly. Are you and your dd safe? If not, then you have to protect yourself and call 999. Yes, he’s an angry teenager, and it’s a big step, but he’s not going to end up in prison or anything and you must make sure that you and your DD aren’t going to be hurt.

Do you have anyone he respects who would be able to take him in for tonight? To give you all a bit of space. Then maybe meet up in a day or two to talk it over and explain that it can never, ever happen again. Will he respond to you being upset? Or would it be better coming from someone else?

Also, what was the cause of the argument? Is there anything you can do to ease the tension between brother and sister?

FFS, OP’s daughter was nearly punched in her own home and people say calling the police would be an overreaction.

He’d well over the age of criminal responsibility. Attempting to hit someone is an assault. Call the police.

It isn't this is one thread

What is the GP going to do? Or the police? Medicate him? Hold him in custody? A clip round the ear and some stern words?

Personally I'd rather take charge and deal with it myself and show my ds I am the leader in his home and that I'm well able to deal with it. Certainly as a first time situation.

OTT. He is her child, he's under 16 a d he hasn't hurt her. OP needs to be clear that that will not be tolerated, they would not do it to a teacher.

In relation to how this kinda thing used to be dealt with, I know someone whose son done this years ago (back when things were different legally - it must be at least 30 years ago, long before me!). He was about 15 too, from what I’ve been told.

Anyway, when he squared up to her, she called his dad home from work, and he took the boy into the garden then beat him black and blue for daring to threaten his own mother, in full view of the neighbours and whoever else was around. Not an eyelid was batted, I believe.

Was clearly very different back then. No idea how that boy turned out in the end.

I would treat him like a child. Time out and consequences. He's 15. Take away all privileges All tech gone. Extra chores to do. No allowance/pocket money.

I say this with a now 18 year old son, 6 footer, built like a tank. Once given to temper outbursts now calm, about to sit Alevels with offers form top universities. They can learn to stay calm.

Police - This is what happens when you physically assault people. Strong deterrent.
GP - My son has anger issues. He can control his emotions. Can you help?

Probably traumatised and no contact with his ignorant, terrible parents. Or, a vile bully caveman himself that thinks you respond to anyone more vulnerable than you (like underdeveloped children who need teaching and guidance) with violence.

Omg this is properly mental. Why?!

Exactly! Teenage boys can do extremely stupid things, particularly during difficult times and testosterone surges. My own (extremely gentle) 18 year old did exactly the same thing a couple of years ago, and went through a phase of being extremely irritable and reactive. Walking away and letting the situation diffuse worked best for us - always followed by conversation later, and consequences such as loss of privileges. He’s grown up to be a very kind, loving and thoughtful young man.

You are minimising his behaviour. My boys would never have done that to me and it must be heart breaking. Do you not see how serious this is?