Son had just squared up to me

[Jewel1234]

Advise my 15 year old son keeps getting angry out burst he’s just squared up to me and went to hit his older sister

I remember my friend having this with her older boys (she has four) and it was just a phase in the end, I guess too much testosterone? It never escalated beyond squaring up and she handled it by telling them it was unacceptable and making sure they could talk to her about anything bothering them. Being a teenager is hard!

I think you’re at a very important crossroads. At his age, if squaring up to women is tolerated, it may send a message that will influence how he treats future partners.

Obviously there’s very limited info on this but in general, I’d come down like a tonne of bricks. No devices, no pocket money, no lifts anywhere, no luxuries. I’d make sure he knew that he wasn’t the big man he wants to make himself out to be.

HE DID NOT HIT ANYONE
this is really important to remember. He was angry and intimidating but didn’t actually hurt anyone, he needs help with expressing anger in a healthier way

Jesus Christ… Op don’t listen to this ‘advice’. If you can decipher it of course..

Yes to this.

There are some ridiculous replies on this thread.

He's going to be an abuser forever because he's had threatening body language aged 15.

Some replies on here leave me at a loss for words, some people shouldn't be near children.

There's likely to be difficulties and lots of context that have led up to this. You need to look at all of that and work with him to help him learn to self-regulate and manage whatever circumstances are going on. Nobody on here knows his upbringing and your parenting up to this point, nor what triggered this, so you can't get good advice with no background from strangers on the internet.

This person needs to call the police on them "selfs". Username "offmynut" definitely checks out!

My DS did this just once to me at age 14 (and already much taller and wider than me!) DH read him the riot act but tbh I think he scared himself more than anything. He has never done it since. He still finds it difficult to control his emotions but when he gets in a rage he takes himself away from the situation. You will need to help him find strategies to calm down/regulate, if he can't do that himself.

He's a 15 year old trying to regulate his emotions. He has not touched anyone.

Stop overreacting.

I'm sorry OP this is happening. Do you have some support?

When my lad was about 12 and he was big by them, almost my size and I'm not tiny, he was in mid meltdown and squared up to me, raising his hand.

I stood tall and said calmly but firmly "Don't you even think about it!" He backed down and has never done anything of the sort since.

I actually think he remembered when he was 4 he hit me and I made him choose which of his toys he was going to throw in the bin for hitting me. He really didn't think I meant it but I made him put it in the outside bin. He then realised I was serious and burst into tears. It was actually some cheap, crappy toy that he never played with but it had the desired effect.

I then asked the rest of our extended family to express shock and disapproval when I mentioned to them in front of him that he'd hit me. Men that he looked up to like my Dad were very much "Oh no! He didn't hit his Mummy, did he? Oh, we never, ever hit our Mummy"

He's never forgotten it and I'm certain that's why he backed down.

However, when my son got like this, I knew that he was often feeling out of control so I avoided doing anything that would escalate things.

I would be having a chat with your son when he's calmed down and saying that there will be VERY serious consequences if you ever catch him raising a hand/squaring up to his sister or you ever again. Think.of the thing that would be the worst thing for him to lose and then tell him that's what WILL happen.

I'd suggest that if he ever felt that angry again, he can go to his room and punch his mattress or something.

Don't sweep this under the rug. Police, GP or therapist, your pick. I suspect that as this stage talking won't get you anywhere.

Christ on a bike

OP respect have sessions and other resources for boys like this please check them out, it's not too late! www.respect.org.uk/pages/115-rypp

Not true at all! That’s a ridiculous thing to say.

Boys of that age do lose their temper sometimes as they often can’t control their emotions due to surges of testosterone.

One of my sons lost his temper at around the same age but DH was there and calmed him down. He wouldn’t be any match for DH despite being much taller and he knew it.

I wouldn’t have been able to manage it alone OP. You need to explain to him whe he calms down that you need to look after each other and that sort of behaviour will get him in to trouble.

They are 17 & 19 now and neither is an abuser.

Exactly.

Both my DSs squared up to DH at this age. My usually very mild DH had to be very firm with them, and assert that he was the parent, they were the child. It's was almost like a stag fight. Once DH had laid down the law and made it clear he was still the boss, the DSs calmed down, and as far as I know have never actually punched anyone.

That is definitely a tough one.

My hard line has always been no violence or destruction in my house or you have to leave.

My oldest did try to square up to me once and then rammed me with her shoulder trying to get past. Fortunately (for me) she wasn't bigger than me, and hadn't thought it through so I was able to convey that it was a bad idea without anyone getting hurt.

Ultimately, you have to keep yourself and any other children safe, so if that means calling the police to de-escalate then you do it.

If a teen is allowed to rule through intimidation, sooner or later someone bigger than him will come along and he'll be hurt.

Well this has just unlocked a new fear about only having sons. I didn’t realise it’s a common thing for teenage boys to threaten their mums 😖

Wow. I see how you got your name. Do you really think that any woman is going to see that threat through and hit her son over the head with a heavy frying pan? What if she kills him? Just call the police, op.

Is that excessive? Or do you mean that they come and on his mums request give him a warning just to scare him?

Of course he’s a child. He’s 15

Typical of MN - when a toddler beats the shit out of his siblings it is just 'awww, he is testing boundaries' and then 'call the police'. Every time I suggest that when a toddler tests somebody else's boundaries that way, reciprocal actions should be taken by the testee, so to say, I get flamed on here. But those boundaries testers who had boundaries tested back on them, rarely hit anyone else afterwards, like their older sisters.

OP what a horrible experience for you and your DD.

There are charities that offer support for parents struggling with violent children.

Parent Talk by Action For Children is one. Their advice page has several resources you might find helpful and a walk through of how to handle things:
https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/feelings-behaviour/safety-wellbeing/my-child-is-being-violent/

Bravo

Its the threat of it fgs.
So any one can be threatened but we are not to threaten back.

After you've done that, see if you can access some English lessons.