To cater the funeral myself? WWYD

[InALonelyWorld]

My DGM passed away recently and funeral discussions are under way.

The subject of catering a small buffet for the wake was mentioned and DGD wants to use the same one as we did last year for DU. However i recall that it was quite expensive and the amount of food was quite poor quality and some of it was inedible. Im considering doing it myself but don't know if it might be impractical.

I'm finding it easier to deal with the grief in a "keeping busy" type way, i have young DC at home and I'm a lone parent so the show has no choice but to go on here. Although I really struggle with rushing around and I'm a little bit concerned that if I do this that I'm going to be rushing around on the day and end up frazzled by sorting out food, getting myself and DC ready and getting to DGD for the cars leaving.

Maybe I'm overthinking but WWYD? Also any ideas on doing a minimal effort but decent standard buffet would be great?

I'd go to a local pub you know, usually cheaper and more relaxed.

Don't do anything that involves cutting it fine. It isn't worth it. I know you want to keep busy, but do this in other ways, and go with the path of least resistance that will not have you running yourself ragged on the morning trying to balance a cooked ham on the roof of your car while you strap your kids in. It will frazzle you.

Delegate, go with the M+S sandwiches, or the existing buffet provider, you're looking for function not form.

M&S - yes. Morrisons - God no!

You struggle with rushing around, are grieving, have young children, and don’t drive. Do not even think of doing this yourself. Pre order from M&S or similar, and ask a friend to take charge of making sure it’s ready when people arrive after the service.

Maybe your dad just doesn't want to have to worry about anything on the day. And you doing the food and cutting it fine would be a distraction. And he should come first.

@PicaK thats a good point, he wants/likes a simple life and is easily flustered as he masks a lot so he will likely need a great deal of support on the day, especially in the run up to the herse arriving and stuff.

I catered the wake for DMs funeral at home. Three of us prepared a selection of beigels with different toppings - tuna mayo, smoked salmon and cream cheese, egg mayo, hummus. We had crisps and dips and crudités. I bought biscuits and cakes. The table looked lovely and everyone commented on the food.

I would get sandwich platters and cakes from M&S, this is what the family did at a recent funeral where they self catered. It made it easy for them and the food was nice.

I catered my father in law's funeral (wake was at their house). It was a lot of work, took all of the two days before the funeral to make everything (large memorial book cake, cupcakes, pizza trays that I cooked at their house). If you don't have that sort of time and energy spare I really wouldn't. I only did it because my mother in law could in no way afford to pay for catering or even the shop bought things that most people are suggesting.

I think realistically the main complication with doing it myself is that I have 2 DC (youngest is 6m) in the mix and probably needing to be support for family members, especially my grandad. So I'm probably not going to have a lot of freedom to action my plan.

I spoke to my mum this afternoon who said as her friend works in ASDA, they will see what they can do/get. I might do a few traybakes or something the night before so I can do my bit to be useful and busy and if they don't get used for the wake then they can be there as a quick snack for people over a couple of days.

Because sometimes that's all people can afford. They can still look at photo's, chat and share a drink. I certainly won't be pursing my lips at them and telling them they are 'shameful.'

Sometimes they had a difficult relationship with that person and actually, they aren't celebrating their life; they are marking the occasion.

What's shameful is you going round passing judgement when there are lots of things that people do in this life that are genuinely shameful.

It seems that, at the moment, in my place of work, we are seeing more of these shorter type gatherings. I would suggest cost of living has a great deal to do with it. And that's fine; people shouldn't get into debt over a funeral wake. It sounds like the OP has some perfectly sensible suggestions on how to organise the food and I hope she manages to sort out out the practicalities of the day.

My condolences on your loss.

Don’t do this- far too much work with a funeral to go to as well. Depending on where the wake will be held order trays of sandwiches/buffet items from Morrisons or M&S - they can be picked up that morning. If you’re hosting at home get in extra milk for tea etc and soft drinks, otherwise outsource it all to the supermarkets.

But I’d be looking in to other venues with better reputations for food.

I catered a funeral in a village hall as we were unable to get caterers.
I did ploughman's lunch french bread, pickles and cheese and ham. Lots of grapes, sausage rolls bowls of crisps,crackers.
And then an assortment of super market desserts.
Everyone had plenty to eat and seemed happy with the choice.

I've used Morrisons and been really impressed before for daughter's christening.

What others do you recommend please?