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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A late birthday present

48 replies

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 10:21

Any ideas, I've just had the most awful birthday and would like to buy myself a little something to cheer myself up. I'm giving myself £200 what would you spend it on?

I had really been looking forward to it, first birthday with BF, we've been together for pretty much a year and he basically went round tesco the day before and grabbed a few bits. Nothing from my sister and her family; this always grates as there's 4 of them I always need to buy for over the year so it costs me a fortune and is never reciprocated. I am just so bitterly disappointed.

I'll decide on the BF situation later, but for now I just want something delivered that makes me smile, what is it?

OP posts:

Jollyhockeystickss · 03/03/2025 18:25

Huge bunch of red roses so when.boyfriend says who sent you those you can say 'dunno they were annonymous'

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 03/03/2025 18:35

After some particularly shit Christmas presents* I've decided to tell everyone to forget about buying me presents & I'll ignore their birthday /special occasion. I'll just buy myself some lovely stuff at the appropriate time of year.

My current want is an Elizabeth Scarlet open flat make up bag. I found this store online & bought several friends presents from there.

the worst was several packets of biscuits & individually wrapped tea bags. I I think they'd raided every hotel they'd stayed in over the last year & given it to me.

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 18:37

fourelementary · 03/03/2025 17:18

So he gave you decent valentines gifts or experience? Like two weeks ago… and now you’re all butt-hurt because he didn’t pull it out the bag for your birthday? How old are you?

and also you said “other birthdays” but in your first post you say this is the first one together. Which is it?

Edited

By "other birthdays" I meant his. I was talking about over 5 exchanges of gifts we've been pretty much even, and our outlay and expectation is pretty similar.

I paid for our valentines outing, knowing my birthday was soon around the corner. So no it isn't about wanting my dues, its about being disappointed that he was taking about a weekend away and I got a £5.50 bunch of tulips with the price left on and a zizzi's pizza meal deal (price unknown).

I will hold onto my disappointment, and regret that I didn't do as previous years and buy something that I wanted in advance.

OP posts:

fireworks345 · 03/03/2025 18:42

Hi Op, I'm so so sorry your birthday wasn't the best.
For the money you have you could order yourself beautiful bouquet of flowers and sparkly wine to be delivered to your home.
For the rest I would take myself out for a nice dinner and to the cinema to then watch a great movie.
You could get some nice jewellery too

I would also stop buying anything for your sister and her DH. A card will be more than enough.
It's so sad people are not reciprocating your effort.
As for your bf, is he otherwise good to you?
I would match his effort too I'm afraid.

MoominMai · 03/03/2025 18:56

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 13:19

I kind of agree on giving up on gifts for my sis and family but I just end up feeling so guilty at the time not buying them something, and then it comes to my turn and I'm left with nothing and it feels like shit. It was 8 presents for her unit plus easter eggs and things over a year, and 2 back to me, but for the last two years its been 8 and nothing back. I do need to give it up. My mum also makes me feel guilty about it saying "its just the way she is, but if I want to keep the relationship I need to put in the effort." I just don't know if I want to keep the relationship anymore when it makes me feel so low and lonely.

I do normally treat myself before, just this year BF had made noises about my birthday and things and I stupidly believed it might happen to me for once.

Show quote history

I really empathise with you. No one ever acknowledges my birthday either! Tbh the two years my BF was with me it was great but after we split its down to zero again. I have the same issue with my sister I spend lots throughout the year on her unit but never get even a card back. My mom holds the same opinion and even reminds me to send a card but never acknowledges mine 😅. It’s v tough as like you I wish I had the courage to just end it with my sister but I don’t want to lose all connection with my niece and nephew though. I’m glad you took time out to acknowledge your immediate needs though and hope you feel better and of course - happy belated birthday! ♥️🧁

Rosesanddaffs · 03/03/2025 19:20

@catinthetree Happy Birthday!

I was reading through your post and the bit about what your mum said really stood out to me.

Every relationship is a two way street, if family can’t be bothered to give you gifts then why should you bother.

I used to have this issue years ago, I could easily go out and buy whatever I liked but when I analysed why I felt deflated on my birthday it was because of the lack of effort and thought from others.

My ex-husband never used to bother with gifts but it was the thought I was after, a fiver on a bunch of flowers would have been appreciated as it would have shown I was thought about and cared for.

Stop wasting your money buying others gifts and save it for something for yourself xx

TheChosenTwo · 03/03/2025 19:21

A bunch of tulips and a supermarket meal deal are very low effort for sure.
Dh once forgot my birthday until the night before when his sister came round with a present for me, he did a mad dash to tescos and I was presented with a spendy bottle of vodka, the most luxury bouquet they had, a box of chocolates, a candle and a cookbook - a proper raid of the supermarket!! He then felt very guilty for forgetting and booked us a weekend away.
unnecessary because I hadn’t made him feel bad about it at all, we’d had a busy time with 3dc and some work stuff going on for him plus I think his dad had been ill at the time and been spending a lot of time at the hospital, his face when his sister called round - we did all laugh!
Tulips are my favourite but I’d have been disappointed if they and some cheap pizzas had been all I received for my birthday. That’s pretty shit in my book.

BagelandEggs · 03/03/2025 19:43

Sorry it's been a disappointing birthday. Could you just say to BF to take you out to a nice restaurant or weekend away - maybe book something you want and get him to pay into it too! For yourself how about tickets to a show or band you like? Definitely just token small presents for family from now on too! Happy birthday!

gavisconismyfriend · 03/03/2025 19:47

Lego! Great big new Lego set and a bottle of Prosecco.

BlueSkies1981 · 03/03/2025 19:53

I would do some treatments or a new handbag/ new shoes. Or actually new tattoo but £200 won’t get much tattoo wise x Go spoil yourself x

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 19:54

BagelandEggs · 03/03/2025 19:43

I think for me the thing is I had got into the habit of just buying what I wanted or booking my own theatre tickets and having a nice day out by myself. I didn't
this time (for the first time in years) because he implied that's what he was doing. I don't care about the financial side (or getting him to pay into an outing), I care that on my birthday I was left doing nothing. If I'd known I would've organised something myself. It's too late now. He had told to bring a swimming costume FFS.

OP posts:

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 20:00

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 16:48

I like the idea of a coffee maker, I've spent my budget now, but might save that idea for when Sisters birthday rolls around and just buy myself an extra treat 😂

Show quote history

I got one for my son and daughter in law for Christmas. It’s the Nespresso one with frother, they love it. It’s just too much money right now for me.

MindfulAndDemure · 03/03/2025 20:00

That is rubbish. Is it at all possible that he has ordered something that has been delayed?

You aren't wrong for expecting your boyfriend to put in some effort for your birthday, and it's miles worse that he raised your expectations and failed to deliver.

Noodles1234 · 03/03/2025 20:02

Do post what you do buy!

I am sorry, that’s a bit rubbish.

scale back to cards for people that don’t make an effort or bother at all.

mom thinking taking yourself out for a right nice meal, maybe treat a decent friend or hey I don’t mind taking myself out!

Facial, nice dress, perfume, shoes, nice necklace - whatever you fancy!

OldChairMan · 03/03/2025 20:03

He had told to bring a swimming costume FFS.

He's absolutely taking the piss, OP. Has that kind of talking plans up and blatantly not following through happened before, in other situations with him? Or is this his nonverbal announcement that he no longer feels he has to make an effort in your relationship?

Kevinisnotacatname · 03/03/2025 20:11

Penhaligons perfume, a bag from The Bridge, a Protected Species coat or very sexy boots that made me feel amazing would be on my list

saveforthat · 03/03/2025 20:27

If you like flowers (I know not everyone does). You can buy a subscription to have them delivered weekly, fortnightly or monthly. My son bought me one a few years ago and they were always absolutely beautiful and lasted for ages.

BusyMum47 · 03/03/2025 20:32

@catinthetree

Your sister & boyfriend both sound like twats - ditch them both!

I'd stop buying gifts for your sister & her brood immediately - it's downright bloody rude that she doesn't give a shiny shit in return. And you should tell your mum that you're fed up with her taking the piss - why should YOU be the one making effort in the relationship when your sister does fuck all?

As for your boyfriend - what a dick - shitty supermarket flowers & a meal deal??!! Especially when he'd led you to believe he was making a special effort. I'd definitely call him out on it.

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 20:34

He told you to bring a swimming costume.

Why didn't you ask him what it was for when nothing seemed to be happening that day?

arcticpandas · 03/03/2025 20:35

Oh OP, please don't waste your time on getting your sister any presents. Get for kids though. And boyfriend I would scale down as well. Well done for treating yourself.

Ladyluck22 · 03/03/2025 20:59

What about a monthly delivery of flowers.

Original poster

catinthetree · 04/03/2025 08:57

arcticpandas · 03/03/2025 20:35

Oh OP, please don't waste your time on getting your sister any presents. Get for kids though. And boyfriend I would scale down as well. Well done for treating yourself.

Thanks. I'm not sure about scaling down on BF, but I'll decide what happens there in a week or two. It feels a bit of a mind fuck to be honest. Its only a short relationship and a bit early for playing games and you did this, so I'll do that.

OP posts:

lessglittermoremud · 04/03/2025 14:42

A lovely beautiful pair of new shoes, I have an addiction to boots, in vibrant colours, or a new dress/jumper etc
A trip to the hairdressers(on a different day to your facial etc) and then out for lunch, catch a film.

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