A late birthday present

minipie · 03/03/2025 10:24

A lovely perfume would cheer me up but difficult to buy online. Massage likewise. How about a cashmere jumper or a necklace?

And happy belated birthday!

nzeire · 03/03/2025 10:25

Happy birthday!

a fab bag? Some gorgeous skin products? A hair treatment? Gig tickets? A gorgeous silver bangle?

CheesePlantBoxes · 03/03/2025 10:28

I have a wish list!

Pricey hair tools, an expensive SAD lamp/clock, a day out, spa day, stuff for my hobby, a trip to the plant shop, new cushions and throws, luxury linen bedding.

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 12:09

Thank you! I did Chanel no. 5 last year so still have a big bottle of that. I am not sure I want to do jewellery as every time I look at it it will just remind me of a shitty day.

I've booked a massage and facial, and am feeling a bit better.

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Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 12:21

Spend it on whatever makes you happy. New handbag or one “special” item of clothing or a few bits to add to your wardrobe. A night away at a spa. Appointment with super duper fancy celebrity hairdresser to make you feel fabulous. Meal at a fancy restaurant or trip to the theatre.

Stop giving presents to your sister and her family or just buy a small inexpensive token like a box of chocolates. If she dares to question “oh I thought we weren’t doing presents any more as I didn’t get anything from you on my birthday”.
Speak to your bf that you feel a bit hurt because it seems like he didn’t put much thought into your birthday- what did you do for his?

Millymoonshine · 03/03/2025 12:34

I have adult nieces and nephews who have dc themselves.
Other than one lovely dn who always sends a thank you I’ve stopped sending to the others. I don’t want effusive thank yous but a quick message to say the parcel arrived would be nice.

In your situation I would shove a £10 voucher in a card to family members.

What to buy?
For me it would be a new purse or a beautiful scarf.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 03/03/2025 12:40

Have a look for some nice summer clothing. It cheers me up when I think nice weather days are coming.
Reduce sis & family to cards only. Put the money saved in a "treat" account to then spend on yourself.
Happy belated birthday. Next year treat yourself beforehand & have a good one 🎁🥂

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 13:19

CoffeeBeansGalore · 03/03/2025 12:40

Have a look for some nice summer clothing. It cheers me up when I think nice weather days are coming.
Reduce sis & family to cards only. Put the money saved in a "treat" account to then spend on yourself.
Happy belated birthday. Next year treat yourself beforehand & have a good one 🎁🥂

I kind of agree on giving up on gifts for my sis and family but I just end up feeling so guilty at the time not buying them something, and then it comes to my turn and I'm left with nothing and it feels like shit. It was 8 presents for her unit plus easter eggs and things over a year, and 2 back to me, but for the last two years its been 8 and nothing back. I do need to give it up. My mum also makes me feel guilty about it saying "its just the way she is, but if I want to keep the relationship I need to put in the effort." I just don't know if I want to keep the relationship anymore when it makes me feel so low and lonely.

I do normally treat myself before, just this year BF had made noises about my birthday and things and I stupidly believed it might happen to me for once.

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OatFlatWhiteForMe · 03/03/2025 13:24

Are you sending gifts to your Dsis and get DH too? If so stop that now. Nieces and nephews I would continue but at a price cap I set myself, ie. £20 voucher on birthdays and Christmas and £5 worth of Easter eggs between them.

LilacSeal · 03/03/2025 13:25

I’d spend £50 on an item and £150 on a spa weekend or a hotel for myself to chill.

TheChosenTwo · 03/03/2025 13:26

Massage and facial sound lovely, good choices.
What did you get him for his birthday? Do you earn equalish amounts?
I tend to buy myself a dress every now and then as a little treat but I do enjoy a massage and facial too, in fact I got a voucher to a new place that offers them for my birthday which I haven’t used yet so I think I’ll book now I’ve remembered!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/03/2025 13:38

Unless they are your godchildren I'd stop right now with any gifts. No child needs more than one easter egg either. You need to find a way to feel not remotely guilty either. Did your sister even message you to say Happy Birthday?

I'm sorry it's been a shit birthday and your BF is not much better but again, feel free to repay the energy you've received [and you should]

As for nice things. I would look for a lovely summer dress or some really gorgeous sandals / summer trainers as all the summer stock is starting to hit. I'm not usually one for spa type stuff but a good haircut and mani pedi is a real treat. Preferably somewhere that brings you a nice glass of something rather than makes you feel a bit ill from the fumes.

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 14:32

We earn similar amounts, him a bit more, but not by much. We're both pretty high earners though so money isn't the issue. I'm not into matching his energy TBH, if he's not into the relationship then its over, I'm not going to end up playing games. I'll wait until the dust has settled before making any rash decisions though.

Sister is a different issue. I did get a text from her- just said "Happy Birthday" nothing else. Totally shit really. I'm not sure why I put up with it TBH

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Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 14:35

If you are buying for nieces and nephews then I would stop buying for your sisters. That said, they should still gift you something.

What did the bf buy? It's not always about money...I am always surprised on here to sometimes read what people expect for their birthday. I think if he got you some chocolates and flowers then that is lovely.

OldChairMan · 03/03/2025 16:27

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 14:35

If you are buying for nieces and nephews then I would stop buying for your sisters. That said, they should still gift you something.

What did the bf buy? It's not always about money...I am always surprised on here to sometimes read what people expect for their birthday. I think if he got you some chocolates and flowers then that is lovely.

Tesco flowers and chocolates? ie just bunged in with the weekly shop? That's a low bar for "lovely".

OldChairMan · 03/03/2025 16:30

Sister is a different issue. I did get a text from her- just said "Happy Birthday" nothing else. Totally shit really. I'm not sure why I put up with it TBH

Because your mum has trained you and guilted you to appease your sister and expect nothing?

My mum also makes me feel guilty about it saying "it's just the way she is, but if I want to keep the relationship I need to put in the effort." I just don't know if I want to keep the relationship anymore when it makes me feel so low and lonely.

Jesus, that could have been my mum, OP. Absolutely look at stepping right back from your sister.

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 16:31

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 10:21

Any ideas, I've just had the most awful birthday and would like to buy myself a little something to cheer myself up. I'm giving myself £200 what would you spend it on?

I had really been looking forward to it, first birthday with BF, we've been together for pretty much a year and he basically went round tesco the day before and grabbed a few bits. Nothing from my sister and her family; this always grates as there's 4 of them I always need to buy for over the year so it costs me a fortune and is never reciprocated. I am just so bitterly disappointed.

I'll decide on the BF situation later, but for now I just want something delivered that makes me smile, what is it?

Luxurious silk men style pajamas and a good coffee maker with different syrups to liven them up and then pretend I’m rich..

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 16:41

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 14:35

If you are buying for nieces and nephews then I would stop buying for your sisters. That said, they should still gift you something.

What did the bf buy? It's not always about money...I am always surprised on here to sometimes read what people expect for their birthday. I think if he got you some chocolates and flowers then that is lovely.

There's florist flowers and then there's tesco tulips. I don't want to be too outing but it was very much a few items cobbled together with what the supermarket could provide...and not even the best of which the supermarket had to offer.

I suppose I was disappointed in him as he'd spoken about making it special and raised my expectation, which was why I'd not done my usual of buying myself something beforehand. On this one occasion I had thought someone wasn't going to do the bear minimum.

OP posts:

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 16:48

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 16:31

Luxurious silk men style pajamas and a good coffee maker with different syrups to liven them up and then pretend I’m rich..

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I like the idea of a coffee maker, I've spent my budget now, but might save that idea for when Sisters birthday rolls around and just buy myself an extra treat 😂

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fourelementary · 03/03/2025 16:55

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 16:41

There's florist flowers and then there's tesco tulips. I don't want to be too outing but it was very much a few items cobbled together with what the supermarket could provide...and not even the best of which the supermarket had to offer.

I suppose I was disappointed in him as he'd spoken about making it special and raised my expectation, which was why I'd not done my usual of buying myself something beforehand. On this one occasion I had thought someone wasn't going to do the bear minimum.

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Have you spoken to him though? Asked why he said he’d make your birthday special and what happened?
Is it possible he did other things like made you breakfast in bed or something that he thinks is special? He needs to know the expectations I feel… your sister sound like a CF or maybe just a result of your mums upbringing as she sounds like a piece of work.
For some people though present buying is enjoyable and for others it’s not. Neither is wrong but it needs communication along the way.

and unless you’re 7 years old I think you’re a little bit dramatic to say it’s “the most awful” birthday… I was expecting you to say you’d been unwell or your dog had died or something.

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 17:05

OldChairMan · 03/03/2025 16:27

Tesco flowers and chocolates? ie just bunged in with the weekly shop? That's a low bar for "lovely".

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You can get decent bunches of flowers from Tesco and chocolates are chocolates...if you buy a box of dairy milk it will make no difference if Tesco or Waitrose and this just sounds snobby.

But as I said, everyone on here seems to expect massive declarations for their birthdays. Maybe he is more low key.

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 17:07

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 16:41

There's florist flowers and then there's tesco tulips. I don't want to be too outing but it was very much a few items cobbled together with what the supermarket could provide...and not even the best of which the supermarket had to offer.

I suppose I was disappointed in him as he'd spoken about making it special and raised my expectation, which was why I'd not done my usual of buying myself something beforehand. On this one occasion I had thought someone wasn't going to do the bear minimum.

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If he had taken them out the wrapper and used some different paper would you have even known they were just Tesco?

Why didn't you speak up at the time? Said thank you, what's the something special you said you had planned?
I understand you might feel disappointed if you had higher expectations but did he know what you wanted?

Original poster

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 17:16

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 17:07

If he had taken them out the wrapper and used some different paper would you have even known they were just Tesco?

Why didn't you speak up at the time? Said thank you, what's the something special you said you had planned?
I understand you might feel disappointed if you had higher expectations but did he know what you wanted?

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I think daffs from tesco are daffs from tesco whether he's put some paper round them or not? and just left the band and price on?

I kept on waiting for it to happen or for him to give me a voucher or something which is why I didn't question it at the time. But it was quite obviously not been what he was implying or at our normal level of gift giving for other birthdays, christmas, valentines, etc.

I'm perfectly prepared to be told I am being unreasonable, but I am not going to bend over backwards to appease shit behaviour. This was very much he'd talked a good game, but run out of time; or cant be fucked with the relationship but doesn't want to end it on my birthday.

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fourelementary · 03/03/2025 17:18

So he gave you decent valentines gifts or experience? Like two weeks ago… and now you’re all butt-hurt because he didn’t pull it out the bag for your birthday? How old are you?

and also you said “other birthdays” but in your first post you say this is the first one together. Which is it?

Moonnstars · 03/03/2025 18:07

catinthetree · 03/03/2025 17:16

I think daffs from tesco are daffs from tesco whether he's put some paper round them or not? and just left the band and price on?

I kept on waiting for it to happen or for him to give me a voucher or something which is why I didn't question it at the time. But it was quite obviously not been what he was implying or at our normal level of gift giving for other birthdays, christmas, valentines, etc.

I'm perfectly prepared to be told I am being unreasonable, but I am not going to bend over backwards to appease shit behaviour. This was very much he'd talked a good game, but run out of time; or cant be fucked with the relationship but doesn't want to end it on my birthday.

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Maybe he is more strapped for cash? If he bought you something pricey for valentine's day maybe he simply couldn't afford something else again. You sound quite grabby and that it's based on what he can give you.