How do you navigate different love languages?

[Cubagoodeggjunior]

I know the love language thing isn’t actually science but I’m trying to muddle my way through a relationship after years of singleness!

I’m in a relationship with a really wonderful man. Truly.

It’s quite clear, however, that words are not his thing. His actions are so kind, he’s (mostly) thoughtful and he seems very dedicated to a long term relationship with me.

However, he’s just awful with words. He accidentally insults me and then cannot fathom why I’m insulted and he gives very minimal compliments.

I am very much a words person and I am finding it a bit tricky sometimes.

For example, last week he started talking about what songs he’d have at our wedding… and yet his actual words on his feelings about me amount to the occasional “I quite like you, you know, Cuba Goodegg”, and not much else.

Similarly, he can’t keep his hands off me but conversely, I can count on one hand the number of times he’s complimented my appearance, and those occasions have been mild “you looked nice in that dress yesterday”.

Any time I’ve raised it, he’s been quite baffled that I have any insecurities regarding his feelings for me, but I teally do struggle with it.

I realise this is probably more my issue than his, but interested to know how people
deal with this kind of difference in a long term
relationship.

Are men just from Mars and women from Venus?

Im in the same relationship. But im the one who isn't good with words. Dh is a talker and im the blunt, non speaker. I don't know how to respond to compliments and don't really compliment anybody really, it's just not in my nature to do so and I find it really awkward. I have bipolar, bpd and suspected adhd. Everything I say gets taken the wrong way because of the way I say it but I genuinely don't mean how it comes across.

How do you feel if/when someone tells
you they’re offended? Do you think less of them for it?

I'm your husband in this scenario @Cubagoodeggjunior . I'm crap at words, while DP really likes words. Luckily DP has over years learnt to translate me. The cup of coffee I bring her in bed in the morning means "I love you". So does the painstakingly thought out gift I bought for no reason. The fact I'm sat in a painting class with her, guess what that means. And because I know she needs it, I try to do the words too, and hope she understands when they say something completely different to my intention.

In return, I try to show appreciation when she shows me she loves me with words, even though "I love you" or the carefully picked message in a birthday card means nothing to me. And I understand that she struggles with the actions, that shes not naturally affectionate. It makes the hugs I do get mean more.

SA? I have several friends who grew up there, and they can be jaw-droppingly blunt at times!

I don't believe in 'love languages'. Either he means well but is blunt culturally (or just in terms of personality) or he's actually not very nice. Only you can decide which, and whether it's something you can get used to and accept.

Nailed it.

@Cubagoodeggjunior erm I wouldn't say I think less of them, but it's very frustrating when I've tried to explain that I didn't mean it the way they have taken it yet sulk for the rest of the day.