Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking on most of the responsibility in the house but partner thinks I’ve given up my life?

31 replies

supposedtobehere · 03/03/2025 10:08

Me and my partner moved in together a year ago after a year of dating. He has three kids from a previous marriage and I have a little boy. We all live together now, and I have enjoyed it but it has been difficult. My little boy was only 21 months so we moved cities to live with my partner (his dad has never been in the picture, moved countries when he found out I was pregnant despite being in a relationship with me for years). I treat all the kids the same, make sure they all have what they need.

I work full time, partner works part time. I do most of the house management - cooking, shopping and cleaning. Partner likes to go to the gym a lot and spend time at football. I make most of the money and it feels like I have to contribute more to keep us afloat.

Anyway, I have been diagnosed with a health condition recently which has led me to feeling really down and depressed, and struggling at work. I have confided in my partner that i feel really down and anxious. He has responded saying that “women always do this, get into relationships and neglect their hobbies and friendships. That’s why you’re depressed”. When I said “what do you mean?” He said he didn’t mean me, just women generally (wtf?) but that my work and home was my whole life and I wait for him to get home (I really don’t).

I see my friends regularly (when I can with work and looking after kids). I have tried to build up friendship groups in my partners city.

I’m really upset about what he said. Should I be? I feel unsupported and feel like he thinks I’m a loser.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 03/03/2025 12:36

Agree with all the PP’s. He’s taking you for a ride.

YellowRoom · 03/03/2025 12:38

You're paying to skivvy for this man.

ShamrockShenanigans · 03/03/2025 12:41

So after only 12 months of dating, you uproot your child and yourself to move in with this guy and his 3 kids, you do most of the house management - cooking, shopping and cleaning, on top of your full time job while he works part time and enjoys regular trips to the gym and football?

Where did you meet him? www dot I am a complete mug dot com?

Lavender14 · 03/03/2025 12:41

Op... you need to do some work on knowing your worth. This arsehole shouldn't have taken advantage of you the way that he has but op, a year of dating and you've uprooted your child and moved in with him to be the breadwinner, work the most hours, mother his children and take on the house duties while he works part time and heads to the gym or out with friends?! Come on.

Your child is going to look to his man as a male role model in his life and as an example of relationships and what a man is... is this seriously what you want to be showing him??

You're probably burnt out from juggling a full time job, and your boyfriends job on top. And he's no intention of supporting you by stepping up to HIS responsibilities so he's gaslighting you with his misogynistic values instead.

I'd be taking myself and my child back home, getting my own place and doing some therapy to try to protect myself from idiots like this in future. Run a mile op.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 03/03/2025 12:42

He's a parasite. How do you and your child benefit from living with this man and all his kids?

The only reason to have a boyfriend is for him to hugely enhance your life and make it easier and fun.
If he's failing at such a basic thing, prioritise your child and dump the man.

everychildmatters · 03/03/2025 12:44

Absolutely OK for him to work p/t, but providing he steps up with everything else. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread