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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortgage and starting over at 60..

46 replies

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 21:19

AIBU to wonder how the hell I’m meant to do this?!

Currently in the middle of a messy divorce - massively delayed as ex-H is refusing to play ball and has not supplied full financial documentation. Court date is planned for April and my solicitor thinks that the equity from the house is likely to be spilt 50/50. H paid the mortgage and the vast majority of the deposit, I paid all other household bills + expenses. H earns ~£100k per year, I earn ~£45k.

If things do go the way that my solicitor predicts I will get around £100k of the house funds. I’m in credit card debt due to having to rent for so long (we’ve been separated since 2022!) so £20k of that will have to go to paying off my debts before I even think about a house deposit. Any decent semi in our area is about £250k - at this rate I feel like I’m going to be stuck renting forever, how on earth am I meant to get a mortgage or afford this? All I want is to be able to settle down with a front door to call my own. I’ve got a young adult DD to support as well and all I can think about is how I’ve failed as a mother. So bloody depressing.

OP posts:
MiseryIn · 02/03/2025 21:22

Set your sights lower? You might have to consider something other than a decent semi.

A flat or a smaller house maybe? Assume you only need 2 bedrooms.

They do mortgages to at least 70 now so you might be ok.

Laralou999 · 02/03/2025 21:24

You can get a mortgage for around double your deposit once you’re at retirement age (IE if you have 100k you can buy a house for 200k), I believe it means you give the property to the bank when you eventually go, but least it means you have a roof over your head til then. How old is the adult DD? I’d probably be looking at flats if I were you

Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 21:30

MiseryIn · 02/03/2025 21:22

Set your sights lower? You might have to consider something other than a decent semi.

A flat or a smaller house maybe? Assume you only need 2 bedrooms.

They do mortgages to at least 70 now so you might be ok.

Have looked at flats and to be honest they’re shockingly not too different in price - averaging about £180k but that’s pre bidding war..!

I’ve got a dog and cats which would have to be rehomed. It’s an absolute last resort

OP posts:
Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 21:33

Laralou999 · 02/03/2025 21:24

You can get a mortgage for around double your deposit once you’re at retirement age (IE if you have 100k you can buy a house for 200k), I believe it means you give the property to the bank when you eventually go, but least it means you have a roof over your head til then. How old is the adult DD? I’d probably be looking at flats if I were you

DD is 21 soon, still living at home but has a good PT job - not as independent at this point as I would’ve imagined due to health struggles for the last few years. She’s heading to uni next year and it’s fairly likely that I will need to top her up, loan won’t cover everything and it’s a course where she won’t be able to work a huge amount.

OP posts:
Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 21:42

Have any MNers in a similar position ever looked at co-ownership?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/03/2025 21:52

Small 2 bed terrace?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 02/03/2025 22:04

If your credit card debt is due to housing needs, can you argue that it needs to be taken off the total pot before the remainder is split?

And then buy within your means? I raised a whole family in a flat - it was fine.

Livinghappy · 02/03/2025 22:12

What about pensions? Is the equity plus pensions £200k? What's the offer on the table now?

Is your ex the father of adult dd? Just asking if you can get him to pay for Uni top up costs.

Make sure your debts are on Form E as they could be taken off the figure, if they were reasonable expenses since divorce (not holidays, clothes and meals out).

I understand your reservation re flats as there are service charges to consider. Start speaking to a mortgage advisor and maybe explore housing associations.

Hazel665 · 02/03/2025 22:13

Part-ownership. I know of two people who've done that.

The other option is to move to a cheaper area.

NewsdeskJC · 02/03/2025 22:14

I'd look at shared ownership. You can use your equity to buy a share and just pay rent on the rest.
At least you have security of tenure. Rent is also taken into account should you ever need benefits.

Suzuki76 · 02/03/2025 22:18

Shared ownership is aimed at exactly this sort of situation. You can buy your share cash so won't need a mortgage and pay you pay rent and service charges on the rest.

Otherwise - realistically, it's renting.

Soonenough · 02/03/2025 22:19

Affordable housing loan , Help to Buy , Part Ownership? Find out what help your Council , bank , Credit Union can offer. What about the split in pensions , that might give you something towards deposit . Is ex her father? Surely he should contribute to her top up for uni .

MyKingdomforaNewUsername · 02/03/2025 22:22

Given your husband earns over double your salary, why are you only expecting 50% of the equity

1Strawberrycat · 02/03/2025 22:22

NewsdeskJC Regarding Shared Ownership. Are you certain the rent could be covered by Benefits? I'm in a very similar situation to the poster and have never heard of this.

Suzuki76 · 02/03/2025 22:24

1Strawberrycat · 02/03/2025 22:22

NewsdeskJC Regarding Shared Ownership. Are you certain the rent could be covered by Benefits? I'm in a very similar situation to the poster and have never heard of this.

This poster is correct!

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/get-support/information-for-your-situation/universal-credit-uc-housing-costs-element/universal-credit-uc-how-much-will-i-get-i-have-a-shared-ownership-property

Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 22:26

Livinghappy · 02/03/2025 22:12

What about pensions? Is the equity plus pensions £200k? What's the offer on the table now?

Is your ex the father of adult dd? Just asking if you can get him to pay for Uni top up costs.

Make sure your debts are on Form E as they could be taken off the figure, if they were reasonable expenses since divorce (not holidays, clothes and meals out).

I understand your reservation re flats as there are service charges to consider. Start speaking to a mortgage advisor and maybe explore housing associations.

To be honest pensions haven’t even been spoken about, purely just the funds from the house sale. I have a good NHS one alongside a private one, he likely has quite little due to working abroad and being self employed for many years before that. It’s unclear exactly what he has in terms of pensions as he has failed to submit so much documentation (to the point that he is now under court order to do so)

We did not have any children together, DD was born out of my previous marriage. She has no contact whatsoever with her dad as he was abusive - I’m her sole parent.

Will do re: debts, thank you for this. I wouldn’t be stuck paying £1k per month in rent for the past 3 years if H would just cooperate with the divorce proceedings.

OP posts:
Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 22:29

MyKingdomforaNewUsername · 02/03/2025 22:22

Given your husband earns over double your salary, why are you only expecting 50% of the equity

This is just what I’ve been told to expect! Obviously I am hoping for more but have a feeling I won’t get it as I have far more in terms of pension funds than he does.

OP posts:
stanleypops66 · 02/03/2025 23:06

It sounds fair. You didn't have children together so you didn't sacrifice a career to help raise his children. You will have a good NhS plus private pension. If you're only getting 100k then assuming you bought later in life or live in a cheaper area? Though you can wait and see what other money he has, but you might lose out if your pensions are good.

I think you need to downgrade your expectations. A one bed price equivalent home, as he doesn't have to house your adult child (neither do you but I understand why you would want to).

Have you also been contributing to the mortgage for the past 2 years?

giggly · 02/03/2025 23:27

I feel your pain. I separated at 50 with sole care of 2DC and had to buy a new house with a very small deposit. Unfortunately I had to buy a small 3 bed in an area that I wouldn’t normally have looked at . All while exdh lives mortgage free in his inherited house.
i am mortgaged until I am 67 currently paying just over £800 a month with no way to over pay .
I am also NHS and could take partial retirement in 2 years but now can’t afford to. I did however move trusts to be nearer to the cheaper area. I figured that I had to make the best choice that I could
I can say however that although the area I live in is good it’s not where I expected to be but it is mine and mine alone.

Barney16 · 02/03/2025 23:35

I'm just like you but less far forward. Ex lives in marital home, I rent. He has consistently refused to discuss money, failed to disclose etc etc. He has paid the mortgage since we bought, but both names on deeds and evidence of my very considerable contribution. I have given up tbh. I'm over sixty and will inherit a reasonable sum at some point. Going to use it to buy somewhere outright and he can go stuff himself.

Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 23:40

stanleypops66 · 02/03/2025 23:06

It sounds fair. You didn't have children together so you didn't sacrifice a career to help raise his children. You will have a good NhS plus private pension. If you're only getting 100k then assuming you bought later in life or live in a cheaper area? Though you can wait and see what other money he has, but you might lose out if your pensions are good.

I think you need to downgrade your expectations. A one bed price equivalent home, as he doesn't have to house your adult child (neither do you but I understand why you would want to).

Have you also been contributing to the mortgage for the past 2 years?

It was a 4 bed house in a pretty modest suburban area - sold for £350k shortly after we separated. Since we bought later in life the mortgage wasn’t yet fully paid off.

The house was in my name however he paid the mortgage. I paid everything else - food, insurance, electric, gas, holidays, pet costs, expenses related to DD etc. I also housed him in my rental for the 3 years before we bought the house. Although technically we contributed a similar amount each month to the household I earned less and therefore paid a far higher % of my income out than he did, hence he had savings hidden away in 6 figures when we separated.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 23:43

Is your husband living in the house currently? Surely the amount you have had to pay and rent will be taken into account? How come it's 50-50 if you have been married a long time and he is on twice your income? Is your child his child too? Why is it not his responsibility to fund her university as well?

Original poster
SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 02/03/2025 23:48

healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 23:43

Is your husband living in the house currently? Surely the amount you have had to pay and rent will be taken into account? How come it's 50-50 if you have been married a long time and he is on twice your income? Is your child his child too? Why is it not his responsibility to fund her university as well?

The house was sold shortly after we seperated - it was too big for just DD and I, plus the mortgage was crippling me when he stopped paying it. Currently he is living and working abroad whilst I’m renting.

No, DD is not his child. He has adult (all in their 30s) DC of his own.

I think it will be 50/50 due to the pension situation, plus we were only married for about 8 years. To be honest I have no idea what way it will go, I can only wait but I do hope that the judge will take his failure to cooperate with the divorce proceedings for years on end into account. I’m financially paralysed at the moment and he knows it!

OP posts:
madamweb · 02/03/2025 23:50

You don't need a decent semi , just spend it on what you can afford (but ideally a house not a flat so you don't have to worry about service charges)

Mortgage company will take into account your decent pension and that will make them more inclined to lend (but do just get something modest).

I wouldn't necessarily look to spend a chunk paying off the cc debt - speak to some mortgage brokers etc before deciding whether that is better or having a bigger deposit is better

CherubEarrings · 03/03/2025 02:26

MyKingdomforaNewUsername · 02/03/2025 22:22

Given your husband earns over double your salary, why are you only expecting 50% of the equity

This. Have you spoken to another solicitor?