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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on holiday with MIL

49 replies

Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:19

I'm worried I'm being unkind but also can't help how I feel.

DH has thrown me off today and mentioned his mum and sister had been looking at staycations for all of us this summer. It had been mentioned in passing a while back, which I never really gave comment to, as often things are discussed and never happen.

My problem is, I honestly can't think of anything worse. We don't not get on and we've never had a falling out, they're just not my kind of people. MIL is always passing comments and I find her very suffocating and snobby.

I'm also peeved that I've not been consulted, more of a 'we're going X at X'. The problem is I know he'll get so defensive and argumentative if I simply say 'I don't want to go.'

It'll be down to me to organise everything for DS and we'll be smack bang in the middle of house renovations.

It sounds pathetic but it's making me feel so anxious and really hanging over me tonight. Am I just being unfair to just say no and let the arguments ensue?

OP posts:
ByWildLimeCat · 02/03/2025 19:22

Have you done family holidays with your own parents and siblings?

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 19:22

Just say "no thanks", its what I said when MIL messaged me to ask if we wanted to go to France with her, SIL and her family.
If DH had wanted to go he could have (he didn't)

PurpleChrayn · 02/03/2025 19:22

Whose house will the staycation be taking place at? Sounds like a nightmare.

Original poster
Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:23

ByWildLimeCat · 02/03/2025 19:22

Have you done family holidays with your own parents and siblings?

No never, he gets on with them much better but I wouldn't expect him to do that! We get so little quality time just the three of us

OP posts:
Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 02/03/2025 19:24

Yeah I had this, it was a no thanks from me too.

Nip it in the bud.

curious79 · 02/03/2025 19:24

Just reading the title I thought 'YANBU'
Holiday is your time for rest, family time, and with the people you choose to live with. Anything else is not a holiday. You just need to be honest that this form of holiday won't work for you.
Is DH deluded or hopeful?

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/03/2025 19:24

Just tell your DH and DS to have a lovely time but that you'll be sitting it out.

I'm not sure you mean an actual staycation though, or do you?

Original poster
Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:25

PurpleChrayn · 02/03/2025 19:22

Whose house will the staycation be taking place at? Sounds like a nightmare.

They were looking at renting a holiday home in a very well to do area... with absolutely nothing nearby for a toddler to do 😫

OP posts:
LastMile · 02/03/2025 19:25

I have this exact situation with my MIL too.

Honestly couldn’t think of anything worse, like you, we are very different people and I would really, really struggle to spend a week with her. A holiday is meant to be relaxing and enjoyable, not an endurance test which is what mine would be if I holidayed with my MIL and what yours would be too by the sound of things.

And no, before anyone asks, we don’t holiday with my family either.

I’d be fuming OP and would tell him in no uncertain terms that you don’t want to go. If he wants to go on holiday with his mum and sister then let him!

ByWildLimeCat · 02/03/2025 19:27

Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:23

No never, he gets on with them much better but I wouldn't expect him to do that! We get so little quality time just the three of us

Show quote history

In that case you can definitely say no thanks. I’ve had to do the in laws holiday, we don’t really get along either (even DH doesn’t tolerate them for long!). But we’d done loads of family holidays with my family so just had to suck it up and be fair!

As one compromise, could you go somewhere at the same time but all stay in your own accommodation so you can decompress a bit evenings / mornings?

Original poster
Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:27

LastMile · 02/03/2025 19:25

I have this exact situation with my MIL too.

Honestly couldn’t think of anything worse, like you, we are very different people and I would really, really struggle to spend a week with her. A holiday is meant to be relaxing and enjoyable, not an endurance test which is what mine would be if I holidayed with my MIL and what yours would be too by the sound of things.

And no, before anyone asks, we don’t holiday with my family either.

I’d be fuming OP and would tell him in no uncertain terms that you don’t want to go. If he wants to go on holiday with his mum and sister then let him!

Glad it's not just me! When he inevitably asks 'why' I have no idea how to respond 🙃

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 02/03/2025 19:28

Can you have a chat with DH today before it’ll eat you out completely?

Original poster
Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:29

pizzaHeart · 02/03/2025 19:28

Can you have a chat with DH today before it’ll eat you out completely?

This is the sensible thing to do, but he'll turn it into an argument and I just don't think I can be bothered on a Sunday evening!

OP posts:
valder · 02/03/2025 19:30

Is your DH a mummy's boy and afraid to say no to his mother and sister?

He should put you and your family first and look after you. If he is undecided then if it was me I would refuse to go (which I would anyway, but would expect my DH to say it to HIS mother!).

Stand your ground, get DH to tell mummy and arrange a nice little break for yourselves.

I feel if you suck it up, you will be seen as a pushover and will never be able to make your own decisions about holidays without mummy again, or other events either.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/03/2025 19:31

Just tell him you aren't going but he and DS can if he wants to.
He can't argue you into going, you are entitled to spend your holidays doing what you want op.

pizzaHeart · 02/03/2025 19:31

Why? As many’ve said holidays are precious time when you want to relax 100% and enjoy in a very specific circumstances ( sharing space) so people should be absolutely on the same page in their interests and views.
I would never go on a holiday with my parents and sister. I can visit them and stay for a bit or tolerate them visiting me but not going on a holiday together. It’s different.

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 02/03/2025 19:32

Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:27

Glad it's not just me! When he inevitably asks 'why' I have no idea how to respond 🙃

Show quote history

Why?

“Because it’s the polar opposite of a holiday for me. I’ll have to entertain DC in an unfamiliar environment and put up with interrupted sleep all while having to be on my a game with your family. Feel free to go and have a good time without me, but it’s not for me.”

Dolambslikemintsauce · 02/03/2025 19:32

Tell dh he is welcome of course to holiday with his family. You will be looking to take ds away with your family

..

WilfredsPies · 02/03/2025 19:33

We get so little quality time just the three of us

Then my response would be ‘No, I don’t fancy it. My priority would be going away as a family to a destination we’re all happy with and if we aren’t doing that, then I’d rather stay home and supervise the renovations. Tell your mum we’ll have the builders in and I can’t make it.’ You’re a grown adult, he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If he starts having a strop, ask him if he thinks reacting like that will make you more or less inclined to go on holiday with him and his family.

Coffeeishot · 02/03/2025 19:35

Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:25

They were looking at renting a holiday home in a very well to do area... with absolutely nothing nearby for a toddler to do 😫

Show quote history

So a holiday? I know I'm being arsey but it's a holiday !

Anyway if you really can't stand them and it wouldn't be any fun for you get your husband to take your child it be nice for him to spend time with his extended family

NeonGiraffe · 02/03/2025 19:36

"The problem is I know he'll get so defensive and argumentative if I simply say 'I don't want to go.''

Is he like this whenever you want to discuss something that means things might not go his way? If so, this seems to be something that needs addressing holiday or no holiday.

Pottedpalm · 02/03/2025 19:39

Yes a staycation is when you stay st home and have days out.
could you compromise, a few days with them and then time just your family?
When you say there is nothing for the toddler, do you mean beach, etc? Mostly toddlers are low key in terms of entertainment.

LastMile · 02/03/2025 19:47

Anonymous75 · 02/03/2025 19:27

Glad it's not just me! When he inevitably asks 'why' I have no idea how to respond 🙃

Show quote history

Honestly, I was just honest with my DH. Told him that although MIL and SIL are nice enough people, we have v little in common, completely different personalities and staying with them for a weekend is enough (which we do a few times a year, honestly by the end of the second day I’m ready to throttle my MIL and bored out of my mind and can’t wait to escape) and there’s no way I’d be able to do 7 days without coming to blows with someone. I said he’s more than welcome to go and he can take DC when they’re a bit older, but it’ll always be a no from me. He just said okay.

cocoromo · 02/03/2025 19:51

You need to have a clear conversation about your husband and tell him you don’t want to and don’t appreciate it being arranged without your input.
if you really feel you can’t talk to him then make an excuse and send him with the kids and have lovely week to yourself.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 02/03/2025 19:58

Well apart from the fact it won't be a staycation but a uk holiday.

If you don't want to go, nip it in the bud. Send husband and kids. I won't waste my annual leave on painful family holidays.