Hotel costs - is dsis a cf?

[AreYouTheFarmer7]

A short break, expensive-ish hotel…

Our group are:
1 family of 5 (us)
1 family of 4 (dsis)
1 single grandmother

Dsis has booked 3 family rooms - expected occupancy was dsis family in 1 room, us minus 1 dd in another, grandmother and dd in another.

We’ve paid for 1 room plus 50% of the room grandmother and dd are staying in… All fine…

Now the suggestion has been made by dsis that her dd (19) may stay in the room with grandma and dd ‘to help grandma’ (dd is 8 and very independent, dm absolutely does not need help to look after her - they will literally just be going to the room to sleep, activities planned for the whole trip)

AIBU to think that if she wants her dd to sleep in the room we should split the cost of that room 3 ways?

So what did she say when you said “great, we’ll split the cost of that room 3 ways” ?

Does it really make a massive difference? Who is paying the other 50% got grandmother's room? Grandmother?

We’ve already paid for the half the room - there was no mention of her paying me/mum her share for her dd - as she’s framed it as her her dd ‘helping’ she won’t expect to pay I don’t think.

(I’m also obvs a conflict avoider!)

What beds/rooms are in these family rooms?

Yes 50/50 us and grandmother

What does grandmother think?

If she is happy with the plan, just tell sister what her share of the extra room will be.

Sorry, 2 double beds in 1 room.

What is the £ difference between half and one third? Are you staying at the savoy?

I guess it's up to grandma if she wants the 19 staying in her room too?

Would be unfair if your daughter is now expected to share the bed with grandma, but I can also see why the 19 year old would find it preferable to sleep with them 2 than her parents and sibling.

Never understand why families go away together if they can't get on well enough to not care about silly things like this. It's family. Don't make an issue. Just go and enjoy the break.

So essentially you'd be paying for a double bed for the 19yr old? I'd say nope

I don’t really see it makes that much difference 🤷‍♀️

Just say no as that means your daughter would have to share a bed, unless granny is happy to share a bed with the 19 yr old in which case split the room cost 3 ways

Depends on your relationship. I’d suck it up as my sister often hosts all our get togethers so I ignore the odd extra costs she incurs me. Although I feel aggrieved when she doesn’t notice! But that’s just me.

Do you love your sister? I can’t imagine being as petty with my sister. Her dd can fit in her room, so it doesn’t really matter which one she sleeps in as there’s beds in both. I think you’re making this unnecessarily a big deal.

She’s happy, I just feel awkward bringing up the issue of dsis paying up! But equally don’t think it’s fair for her paying 50% of an expensive hotel bill when she’s only had 1/3 share of the room.

‘You’d better check that Sarah and Mum are happy sharing a bed. Sophie is looking forward to having a double to herself.’

What does Grandmother think? Does she want to share at all?

So who will get a double bed to themselves if this happens?

I agree.
We do big family holidays every year (20plus people)

Sometimes we spend more than our share, sometimes less. The kids all move beds/rooms. Or someone buys an extra round of ice creams. Etc. we actually like each other though.

I'm surprised that people are saying it makes no difference. Assuming you're staying a couple of nights and It's approx 200 pounds a night, it's around 70. And it's likely more as you said it was expensive.

I probably wouldn't be too bothered but I've seen Mumsnet threads where people are urging OP to send bank details and demand 5 pounds back.

I think she's a CF in addition to the money part as she's obviously trying to get more space in her room. Why should your DD share a bed unless DD actually wants to?

The eight year old isn't going to care if she has to share a double bed with her cousin. But do you think this was always your sister's plan but wasn't mentioned before so she didn't have to pay her share? It just seems a bit silly to be quibbling about it, but it does depend on everyone's financial situation, if money is tight and it makes a big difference between half and a third of the room cost.

I think the issue is less the cost and more who is sleeping in which bed. Is the 19yr old getting in with Grandma or is the 8yr old being kicked out of her bed? If the latter then it's hardly "helping" is it!? If 19yr old is bringing a camp bed then I don't think they need pay the extra as she's not taking up a bed.

Instead of calling her a CF you need to actually be brave and ask your Sis some questions, check you're both on the same page and then maybe suggest you adjust costs.

Don’t be awkward- frame it as it not being fair for your grandmother to pay 50% of a room occupied by 3