To tell my family about pregnancy so close to SIL due date?

[PregnancyEtiquette]

Name changed so not accidentally outed!

I found out a few weeks ago that I’m pregnant with our first child - total surprise, we were planning to start trying in a few months but erm…whoops? 😂

We’ve been given a dating scan date of 18 March - obviously really excited! Planning to tell my side of the family that weekend on the 23rd/24th.

We don’t want to tell them beforehand because there are several factors in the birth that might not make it too straightforward - I’m early 40s, my other half is on medication known to cause neurological defects (which we were transitioning off before starting TTC), family history on both sides of some serious congenital conditions that would have an impact on whether we could take to term etc.

While the scan won’t answer everything, we basically want a little reassurance that things are proceeding mostly ok before we get parents excited etc.

However, my younger brother and his wife are also expecting their first child in the first week of April. This is long-planned and they’re obviously really excited too!

I don’t want to come across like I’m trying to steal their thunder or draw attention onto me at what should be their time. I want all eyes on them as the first grandkid on our side of the family and I desperately don’t want to ruin that for them.

So, what are your thoughts?

YABU - 23/24 is WAY too close to their due date, they could drop early so either tell family now or hold off until their baby is at least a few weeks old.

YANBU - 1-2 weeks earlier is fine and you won’t give off main character energy by sharing your news with family then. Stop overthinking this shizz!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts!

Maybe say something like "I've found out I'm pregnant but I don't want to say too much more or get too excited until I know baby is definitely ok, so that's it for now. I want all focus to be on DB/SIL and their new baby, because this is their time". You can say similar to DB. Thereafter, try to only chat with your parents in private for the following few months, unless DB/SIL bring it up themselves.

I'd wait until the 12 week scan given given your age and medication issues. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Tell people whenever you want to. If your brother and SIL are likely to feel their thunder has been stolen then they're being silly and need to get over it. If they aren't and you're just projecting how you might feel then you're the one being silly and need to get over it.

It's family having babies. It's nice. That's all. It's not thunder and it's not being stolen.

It might be better to announce before they give birth. Some people might think it’s worse to announce when they have a newborn.

If you take this approach and say what you’ve said surely it’s better to not say anything, people will just worry that approach. No one should have to chat in private about a pregnancy, everyone has wonderful news so yes whilst its considerate to find the best time to announce it, the pregnancy shouldn’t be talked about only his in corners like some dirty secret