Shall I move back home but lose life Iove?

[Wondering222]

Trying to keep this short, I'm European, moved to UK for uni, have a husband, son and a lovely life with good jobs. The idea was always to move back before DS starts school but a job offer we had lined up fell through spectacularly literally weeks before we were supposed to move to my home country. My husband is very specialised in his field so job opportunities over there are few and far between. So we thought we'd stay for reception and then try again. However DS school is so lovely and he's been thriving so much that we put it off again. I visit my parents at home all the time - the longest we're apart is 3 months, but often it's ever 2 months I go- and we spend the entire summer holidays there. (I can make it work with work) My parents are fit and well thank goodness but thinking ahead I feel terrible that I'm not physically closer and cannot help them more. Would you in these circumstances throw everything in and take the risk and move (with potentially worse jobs and definitely less money, plus my son having to change school- he speaks both languages but loves where we live now)? Or shall I just wait a few more years?

Yabu- stay where you are
Yanbu-- try and move quickly

Your parents are fit and can take care of themselves. Looking at the future, are there services in place that can help them?

I doubt they would want you to uproot your family from where they are happy and thriving.

I think you need to look at if you are using them as an excuse to move home.

This is really interesting...there are things I like /prefer in my home country and things I prefer over here, I think on the grand scheme of things I kind of want to stay here though, but especially I think that my son and husband really would like to stay in the UK more than me. And of course especially my sons happiness is the highest priority. We also definitely get to spend more time as a family when we live in the UK just due to the fact that we both work from home and have no lengthy commute (and the commute would always be long if we moved to my home country, just because everything is a bit remote!)

Yes there are great services in place I think I'd just have preferred to help them myself, but yeah there's definitely excellent services for the elderly in my home country.

Sounds like on balance you want to stay

The other thing is it may be decades before your parents need real help - you are lucky you can travel home so often in the meantime

Stay.

What are your ages and your parents’ ages? I mean, your DC could be grown up before your parents actually need any help. Also, if it came to it, could you parents move here? I take it you don’t have any siblings so I understand you wanting to be close and be able to help out.

We're late 30s,.my mum is 69 and my dad 77, they are (knock on wood) very fit and healthy thankfully..that is true - you never know and some people don't need much help until much later!

Forgot to say, no they won't be moving here. They're sun lovers and wouldn't be happy with the weather over here and also care for the elderly is better in my home country. I have a sister who we all get on well with but she won't be of much help in planning for my parents care...

Hi OP
This may out me but I am due a name change soon anyway as Spring is nearly here!
You need to consider all the following:

1. How you met/what promises were made/who was going to be the "trailing spouse" and for how long
2. Your child's secondary school. It may only be six years away now but if you are facing Uebertritt or similar, you need to account for second language proficiency
3. Your child as a teen will put the kibosh on moving then you are, for want of a better word, stuck here. Similarly, if you do move to Europe your teen may end up there for life - will you be happy with that?
4. Pensions/tax agreements/ordinarily resident tests on return. What if you move there and your DH or DC cannot cope with the language/culture shock? Will you come back with them?
5. Housing. Will you sell or rent out? Being an accidental landlord isn't something to be taken lightly, even if outsourced, bearing in mind tax returns, CGT etc
6. Your parents. Do not have childcare or support as part of your decision. They may well be unable to do much more than now and you may find yourself feeling guilty if you cannot do the opposite, i.e. support for them.
7. Your husband. He needs to be on board for the stresses of new culture, new language, parental load and finding an actual job where he doesn't resent the move.
8. You need to weigh up pros and cons. I think education and health here compared with, say Germany, are poorer long-term, unless you have £ for private.
9. Longing/homesickness. How "British" do you all feel? How "European" or insert country here, do you all feel? Can you imagine dying and bring buried here?

10. How long would you return to EU for? An experiment/for long-term/retirement? I would uproot now if you cannot imagine growing old here. I would stay if you are content as your set-up seems good. But you have to shit or get off the pot by the time your child is year 5/year 6. It's all yo play for secondary as your choices will be more limited - likewise sixth form/Uni pathways. They won't cope with a complete change of school system post 16 or 18 unless they are wholly bilingual sadly.

Hi all, I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your opinions. It's been really helpful and has given me a different perspective because I think I have been going down a rabbit hole of worry! I also realised that every time someone said "you are okay to stay here", I felt really relieved so that's telling something isn't it!