To wonder if 15 is too soon to have the relationship future talk?

[PrueD]

Partner and I together 15 months, both early 30s. He is previously married and divorced after marrying his childhood sweetheart.

He has a career that often means moving around over the years is necessary. Currently we live 2.5 hours away and see each other for several days for every 2 weeks are each others homes. He spends time with my family and they love him too.

He said early on he’s open to kids or no kids. I felt the same. In a way I still feel like this, but leaning more towards to yes if I need to decide soon and at my age it does need to be decided soon.

Now I am at a life transition where I am looking for a new job. The last job was nearly 100% remote so I was at his home for weeks at a time but I don’t know what the next job will be (hybrid etc). I could take a job and then I’ll be 35 still in the same location not living together. He has never suggested moving in together.

He talks about in 10 or twenty years when together etc. In my heart I feel he’s the one but the fact he never raises the big issues makes me wonder. I also know 15 months isn’t long.

He has a career that often means moving around over the years is necessary.

Would It not make sense that he moves to you?

Yes. I’m in a very fortunate position there.

Thank you so much! 🐈

Best of luck and please rememeber that 33 is SO young... You do have loads more time to be a mum and find someone if that is what you desire.

My grandma used to ask a very simple question, but it always hit home:

"How much of your youth are you going to give this person".

Because essentially that is what it is.
You being in this relationship is gifting him years of your life. I don't subscribe to them necessarily being the "best years" and women don't expire like milk...

But from a practical angle, if motherhood and settling down is important to you, then these are the years to do it.

If he strings you along and one day you wake up and unable to be a mother, that would be tragic.

I missed that he has never mentioned moving in together. After 15 months together and in early thirties, that is telling

So you and him are in a very different financial position

do you know anything about his financial position?

Earlier this year we discussed buying a place together.

but you say he has “never” mentioned moving in together?

So you own your home outright, you’ve lived there for years near all your freinds and family? you’d be mad to give that up for a bloke who you are in a long term casual long distance relationship with !

Look for a job where you live . Plan your life as if he doesn’t exist. Stop listening to his words and listen to his actions. He doesn’t want anything serious.

In the unlikely event he is desperate to move in with you, get married and have a baby soon, then he can move to your town.

Before he moves in, get legal advice and have him sign a cohabitation agreement.

Before you decide to marry him or Have his baby, get more legal advice.

@FeministUnderTheCatriarchy all true and I’ve really realised how precious my time is. I did a eulogy for a relative recently and thinking about her life made me realise I need to firm up my future.

I told him I want this resolved one way or the other in the next couple of months as I don’t want to be getting to another year later with no plan in place. He said he doesn’t want that either but let’s see what happens in two weeks!

I would like children. I have a good life regardless, so it wouldn’t destroy my happiness not to or if im not able, but to have the chance taken away by someone running down my clock isn’t something I want for myself.

Op I can’t understand how he has not once ever mentioned moving in together

but also has spoken about buying together and your future in two decades time! (What has he said?)

You’ve missed out that he’s already been married and divorced for 5 years!!

@0ctavia thats correct yes. Sounds good when you put it like that!

I used to love living alone. But in recent months I’ve been lonely and missing the companionship of having my partner with me. Lately he’s been doing almost all the travelling to me but it’s every 2 weeks because he has to be near his job the rest of the time.

I do view my home as a great asset so yes I will take legal advice when needed - thanks.

Sorry posted too soon

you’ve missed the detail around this. Did it end badly? It’s relevant to how he may be viewing a big move

They were childhood sweethearts who grew apart apparently. For the last two years she was unemployed and he had to take on everything, work plus house etc. Then she said she wanted a divorce.

however they remained friends. The first year we were dating they met for lunch, but they haven’t met since, naturally faded out.

Ok so he’s experienced living with someone unemployed for 2 years so he’s going to be very cautious at a time when you are unemployed and don’t have a job lined up.

but op he honestly has never once mentioned moving in together?

Just wanted to say OP @PrueD Well Done for being decisive about what you need and want in your life and not being afraid to face this.

Wishing you all the best and hope that this talk will be the catalyst to get him thinking and also to get things moving in the best direction for you, whatever that might be once he has clarified what his state of mind is and you have decided yours. Best Wishes.