See many faults in others

[Blackleatherhandbags]

I have this vice that always seems to have been there, I can early on and without really any effort see the weaknesses in others, even those they try to hide. By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best.

It is making life hard for me because I have not been able to keep friends, I am quite sensitive and easily upset and find it easier to isolate away from others for my own emotional safety.

Is this something I need to do something about. It seems to be quite ingrained in my personality.

Why does you being able to understand people's weaknesses mean you can't keep friends? Do you then point out these weaknesses?

I'm the opposite and always see the good in people, which isn't always great as it made me very naive. It helps me to think about their behaviour and the evidence that shows them as the person they are. Could you try looking at their behaviour to find their strengths as well as their faults to form a more balanced view of them.

@Blackleatherhandbags "By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best."

Please could you give us an example?

I will say, though, I'm not sure how much of a close friendship you can form if you want everybody at their best all the time. I am not going to constantly act as if I am on the red carpet.

Well your weakness is that you can't see past other peoples'. What do you believe, only people without any character flaws should have friends? I mean you're not being hypocritical because you don't maintain them either, but it's a very high standard to hold people to.

Well hopefully your special talent means you can see your own

Do you see your own faults and weaknesses as easily? Or do you believe yourself to be perfect? Because from your post you rather sound like you’ve may have a superiority complex, which is likely to prevent people wanting to be your friend.

I’m very hard on myself.

I quietly remove myself.

In terms of their character not anything to do with how they dress or anything like that.

I line manage someone like this. He is very quick to find fault in others but rarely sees the weaknesses in himself that are so obvious to everyone else.

I see people's faults too, but I also see their strengths, and I choose to focus on them as far as possible. Not least because I know that I have weaknesses of my own, and I recognise that nobody is ever going to be perfect.

If you're losing friends or isolating yourself because of your tendency to focus in on other people's flaws, then I would say that the problem is primarily with you and not with the people around you.

Totally missed my point but let's try again

Okay, so what is a character flaw, in your book?

do you think everyone else keeps friendships because they can't see any flaws?

Well I'm the same OP. I see the faults in people straight away but I'm exceptionally critical of myself. And I'm very sensitive and and find friendship very hard.
OP I'm an older person who has very recently been diagnosed as Autistic. I'm still coming to terms with the diagnosis but it's helping me to understand that these traits are part of the Autism. So to describe them as a vice is not correct. They are personality traits.

Do you think you might be neurodivergent?

Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. If you’re waiting to find someone who hasn’t you’ll have a lonely time! Ignore the flaws (obviously within reason) focus on the good points of the person. There’s no perfect people out there waiting on you to befriend them

Lies, competitiveness, miserliness, superiority, ingratitude, harshness, greed, suspicious nature, exploitation, invading others space and privacy… a few examples

I’m like this. It drives me mad!

I believe others possibly keep people because they have much thicker skin, maybe

How else does the neurodivergence manifest itself in this way?

I see the finer traits just as easily, I just don’t find them enough of a compensation to deal with the faults which I find unsettling and somewhat disregulating, it takes me ages to get over it

Okay, those are pretty serious

sounds like you've been unlucky

that said, I have a couple of friends who are a bit superior maybe. I dropped a boyfriend who I felt was really harsh. Bothered by different things I guess. Invading personal space would drive me nuts.

I do think most of us tell lies though e.g. "yes I really like your dress" when someone is fishing for compliments. Is that unacceptable to you?

The opposite, I often feel inferior, part of the isolating is to spare others my faults

Do you think that the rest of us don't?

You accept people, warts and all, or you don't.

That's on you.

I mean lies on the level of big untrue self aggrandisement sort

Yeah this. I see so many posts here or social media posts where people say things like you have in your op. As if you're really exceptional in your insight into others and the rest of us are all just unaware fools. It's not that. It's just you can't control others or makthem different. So you accept people as th are, have line for what you'll tolerate and get in with it. Otherwise as you allude to, you end up with no one in your life.

I've actually just seen one of your updates about feeling inferior: that's me as well.

I actually feel out of kilter with people: as though they are part of a big club that I'm not a member of.
I have a terrible habit, which I make great efforts to curb, of staring at people. Sort of observing how they interact, their mannerisms etc . It's like watching a film.or a book. I'm somehow observing in them the social skills that I don't have. They seem at one with society, they know how to behave and I don't.

Just in case this might be helpful at all OP:
https://pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingOuterCritic.pdf

His book on Complex PTSD is very good. Not saying you even have that but what you're saying made me think of the chapter I've attached.