See many faults in others

[Blackleatherhandbags]

I have this vice that always seems to have been there, I can early on and without really any effort see the weaknesses in others, even those they try to hide. By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best.

It is making life hard for me because I have not been able to keep friends, I am quite sensitive and easily upset and find it easier to isolate away from others for my own emotional safety.

Is this something I need to do something about. It seems to be quite ingrained in my personality.

If you see their faults and their good points, weigh them up and always find them lacking, then you yourself are missing something, I think it might be humanity.

I understand op
I think people here are misinterpreting what you are saying. You don't think you are better than everyone else. It isn't about someone being a bit selfish or loud etc. It's seeing the horrible parts of certain people and being extra sensitive to it yes?

I am a recovering alcoholic and have learnt since I've been sober that my tolerance for people who are just not good people is very low. I now have a very small circle of people who are good for me and I'm good for them.

I don't tolerate bullshit. I would have been a big people pleaser desperate for people to like me. I've worked hard over the last couple of years to better my life and that means cutting out people I thought were good for me.

I absolutely have flaws I don't think I'm better than anyone else far from it.
I enjoy being by myself now. It's so much easier

Do you get jealous easily?

I know a couple people like you and they’re incredibly insecure about themselves and jealous of everyone, so they see their faults.

They obviously don’t realise they’re insecure or realise they’re doing it but I guess it’s like a protection thing - focus on everyone else’s faults, so you feel better about yourself.

In that case I think maybe this is something that might be worth pursuing with a therapist. I have trouble figuring people out too sometimes.

How soon, after meeting a person, can you find these traits?

It sounds like you have very high standards and in a way quite demanding to yourself and others. Are you a perfectionist? Do you have children by the way?

I'm not sure people are interpreting this as op saying they are superior or better. They said early on they feel inferior. It's about the assumption non of the rest of us see and therefore put up with faults. Op talks about themself as having a special ability to see faults in others. But it sounds like they just can't tolerate faults in others. Some absolutely rightly so from their examples. It's the exceptionalism the op seems to think they have which is probably getting people's backs up.

While I'm absolutely for not putting up with crap from people, I personally don't have loads of friends so don't do this either. However if you see faults constantly which you can't overlook by default you will struggle to maintain relationships. It's a choice to be made. Most people see faults and make a decision or draw a line in terms of what the will tolerate as few people are perfect.

The number of times you say 'I', 'me', 'myself' makes me think you're quite self-absorbed.

My thoughts here hinge on the type of faults you're judging people on OP.

Some of those that you've mentioned I'd class as 'red flags' in which case you're wise to steer clear.

Other things you've mentioned are iMO flaws that are part of being human. None of us are perfect, we all have flaws and faults and IMO that is ok. Harsh judgement on oneself and other people is (again IMO) unhelpful and damaging. It's also unrealistic given no one is without flaws, and to expect that of oneself or others is exhausting.

I've realised in the last few years that all my close friends and people I'm drawn to seem to accept me just as I am, flaws and all. That acceptance is so empowering.

Similarly I accept them as they are. They are imperfect and I wouldn't have them any other way.

@Lonelyscarecrow thank you very much for linking to that article. It was very very interesting and relatable.

Why? We all have weaknesses, it's part of being human. Why remove yourself? Just accept people for who they are, warts an' all

BTW, it's not unusual for people to see other people's strengths and weaknesses, most are relatively obvious! We all notice these things don't we? Though I'm not sure.most people would describe it as that. Most people just call these strengths and weaknesses a 'personality' and understand we r all.different.

...and what's a weakness to you, may be seen as a strength to others. You are not judge and jury. You maybe need to reframe all the 'weaknesses' you see as 'traits' or facets of someone's personality and start embracing the value of difference rather than judging others so harshly OP.