Incident has put me off the job

[CandidSnake]

Not really an AIBU but I am a swimming teacher, relatively new to teaching (2 years).

Just after Xmas a child went under in my stage 2 swimming lesson, learner pool, water less than a metre deep.

He wasn't a particularly confident swimmer, could follow instructions well but had no under water confidence, he probably should have still been at stage 1 for a little longer, however not the only stage 2 swimmer I have that lacks in under water confidence.

The class has a wide age range, some of the children around 7 and others as young as 4. Around 3 of them I would class as non swimmers with no under water confidence. I always keep those swimmers next to me in the water.

I set an activity for more advanced swimmers in the group.

The three swimmers who are not confident I set an easier and different task, however he possibly didn't hear or understand and began to swim across the pool on the harder task and ended up going under the water.

I saw him struggling and I was very close to him when it happened but not close enough to stop him momentarily going under, I pulled him up straight away but he was extremely shaken and burst into tears. I could see he would not have calmed down so I called the parent onto poolside and explained what had happened.

I reported the incident, no lifeguard intervention was necessary.

However after this he refused to get back in the pool and the lessons have been cancelled.

We did offer for him to drop back down to stage 1 but he still wouldn't get back in.

I feel awful about this whole thing and it's played on my mind ever since, I am worried that I have put him off swimming for life, I never became a swimming teacher to put anyone off swimming.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but work didn't seem to understand the depth of my feelings on the incident.

I don't think you did anything wrong, you were within easy reach, you pulled him back up straight away and he was ok, although it shook him up. He'll have lost confidence for now but I'm sure it won't stop him for long.

My daughter was playing in a large paddling pool when she was little and went under. I grabbed her straight away and she was shocked but it hasn't stopped her from loving the pool - she's 14 now and we go swimming every week.

In my opinion you did everything right, you reported it and got parent to poolside to let them know. I wouldn't let this spoil your enjoyment of your job.

It sounds like this was an upsetting incident for you, and that you keep going over it and the child's subsequent refusal to continue lessons will have added to the impact it has had on you. It really does sound like you did all the right things, so rather than let this put you off a job you otherwise seem to enjoy, why not book a couple of sessions with a counsellor to talk through your feelings about the incident, and to help you reframe it in your mind? Rather than thinking about the incident as a "near miss", you should start to think of it as a "good save" - I know if I were the child's parent, I would be grateful you had done what you did.

If that were my dc I definitely wouldn't have stopped lessons, I feel like that will cement his fear. I've watched hundreds of swimming lessons and definitely seen the kind of incident you describe with pretty much zero consequence. You need to shake it off, it wasn't your fault.

I know MN generally haaaates when posters say this sort of thing but I speak from experience here.
My DC is autistic and the tiniest, sometimes ridiculous things can put her off something for life (or the foreseeable). However it is always something that is not a given to occur every time. For example, when she began taking painkiller pills instead of Calpol she did great, no issues whatsoever. Then a year later, had one which didn't go down and that was it! No pills ever again.
Same with food, can try a new food type and like it for ages, years even. Then one time she'll have one which got a bit overcooked and that's it, never again. Despite the fact that she knows full well that it can be avoided, it's still written off.
So perhaps that was the case with the DC you were teaching? Was he Autistic?
I do realise that if he was and my theory is correct, that it would still mean he's not wanting to swim BUT it would mean that it was less about it being traumatising and more so about how he's processed it himself.
Anyway, regardless of neurodiversities, most if not all children at that age struggle to process their emotions & regulate their reactions to things that scare them. He'll likely have forgotten all about it by tomorrow....

Precious kid, precious parents.
Be thankful you're not his class teacher
It's human nature to dwell on the one bad thing, so think of all the children you're helping and don't take it personally

I think he's very likely to be young enough not remember anything about it once he's an adult.

What have the parents or the kid done to deserve this? OP didn't say they had a go at her or blamed her. He's not coming back to swimming, at least not currently, none of us know long term and none of us know enough about the child to know if this is an unreasonable decision or not.

My brother fell off a jetty as a little kid when he couldn't swim properly and went under briefly before our dad grabbed him, it took him a long time, but he did learn to swim a couple years later and it had no long term consequences. He does remember it, but isn't bothered by it at all. I actually fell in fully clothed at 5 years old when my parents were at work, not sure where the babysitter was. I was a strong swimmer, but it was a real struggle with the weight of my clothes and no adult nearby. I was really scared but I managed to get myself out and it never stopped me getting back in the water.

It's unfortunate OP, but my major concern would be if the classes are structured in a way that makes this more likely or if it was just an unfortunate accident. In the end the child is ok, and may well come back to swimming at some stage and although it is an important skill it's not the end of the world if they don't.

It must have felt scary, but I don't expect it will be the first or the last time it's happened in the pool. It really is the reason it is so important to be able to swim. The best thing for the child would've been to get straight back in, otherwise the fear is going to continue to build up. Nothing you can do now, just continue to work and learn and try to enjoy what you do. There will always be ones that come and go in this sort of role.

You did nothing wrong.

I haven’t thought about swimming lessons for a long time and I’m surprised you are expected to manage confident, non confident and complete non swimmers alone. It’s a lot to expect you to be close to all the less able swimmers all the time.

What happened to parents teaching their children to swim? At least until they are able to swim a width. That used to be basic parenting.

It sounds like you have a relatively large class with a range of capabilities. If I was the parent I would have also probably cancelled, not down to you as an individual but due to realising that larger class sizes are not suitable for such early stages.

My daughter was one of 12 in her first swim sessions post Covid. It just wasn’t working after two terms and I cancelled. I taught her myself until we could get in with another company who has a maximum of 4 to a group at that stage, and rises to a maximum of 5 in later stages

Thanks everyone for your responses, I know I'm probably overthinking it. I just felt he ended up in a situation that he wasn't ready to deal with and therefore didn't feel safe with me.

I did speak to the parents on the phone a few weeks after the incident to ask how he was and they said he won't go near the pool, I offered to move him back to a stage 1 class with smaller numbers and more flotation equipment until his confidence was regained, but he hasn't returned.

I'm just feeling bad that as a result of one of my lessons a child was put off swimming. I did briefly have another chat with one of the head coaches about it and said that he hadn't returned. She said not to worry as sometimes children have a confidence knock and it puts them off for a couple of weeks but they usually come back fine

It's not uncommon for a child to fully submerge during a lesson it happens, most of them deal with it absolutely fine and although may looked shocked for a few seconds, they usually just carry on with the lesson. We are also told not to make a big thing of it when it does happen, instead to praise it especially if it's the first time in happens.

He is taller than the pool but didn't have the confidence to stand back up, the problem was he panicked.

To the poster who asked if he could be on the spectrum, nothing stood out whilst I was teaching him other than the lack of underwater confidence.

I know I'm probably overthinking the whole thing and I agree that I did everything I could after the incident, I got him back up, called the parents,, reported the incident and followed up on it.But I also know how real the fear of water is and hope he hasn't been put off for life.

Nah the parents are being ridiculous. Just compounding his slight dunking.

Forget it like he would have done if they had carried on with lessons.

I'd have thought it more important he did a swimming lesson afterwards. Maybe the parents are taking him. Don't take this personally. The child wasn't in any danger and shows how important swimming lessons are. Keep teaching this life skill x

No it's a reminder of why we need to teach our children to swim!. My son had a scary incident in his swimming lesson. The life guard had to throw a bouancy aid in. He was hysterical. Had to come put of the lesson. He has nightmares and refused to swim again.
But I calmly explained this is the exact reason why I insist he learns to swim!. He was dripped down a group ( back to the shallow end) I also took him swimming they weekend. It's the parents responsibility to help the child over come it. My sons now an amazing swimmer.

It's the sort of thing I would dwell on too but you did your job correctly. It's very hard when there are such little ones in Stage 1 and 2 - I think there should be a height limit for group lessons or else the really little ones are in a group together. My child started slightly later (as in nearly 6 rather than 4) and the lessons were frustrating to watch and pay for because the just turned 4 year olds needed an awful lot of 1:1 support. I wouldn't put a child in group lessons who couldn't properly stand up in the pool.

You don't know if they're taking a break, they've gone somewhere else, they're taking him themselves for a bit until he's more confident, they're looking for 1-1 lessons. It's unlikely to have put him off forever.

I hope you're quite clear with the head coach and the stage 1 teacher about the need to ensure the children have fully passed all the requirements for stage 2. It sounds like he was put up early.

I don't think you did anything wrong, the fact that you are thinking this over so much suggests you are very conscientious. One of mine had to be hooked out by a lifeguard just after he moved up to stage 3. We took him swimming that same week in the little pool and had him going underwater and practicing flipping up the right way. He was really worried at first.

Parents need to be able to tolerate their children's distress and show them they can manage. Otherwise we are teaching them that when things go wrong we should stop trying. However none of that is under your control, you've done everything you can.

My DC was kicked in the head (accidentally!) by another child in his first swimming lesson. Massive egg-sized lump on his head and vomiting. He didn't go back because, to be honest, the lesson was chaotic and there were too many children for the lovely instructor, considering they were all non-swimmers.
I taught DC to swim myself. No harm done!

My dad mainly taught me to swim and I went under a few times for a second or two. No harm done. It was a split second. Please don’t beat yourself up about this.
my baby slipped in the bath last night and went under for 1 second. It happens. They cough splutter and are okay. If it’s longer obviously a concern but I don’t think you should beat yourself up about this

Is there a legal ratio for children under seven? Sounds like to me that there was too many and some quite tiny children.

I'm experienced swimming teacher and school swimming teacher. It sounds like half your group are in the wrong stage. I teach ducklings to independently stop themselves on their front and back. It's the first thing we cover so they know to put their foot down and movement work in the water so they wouldn't invehertaly submerge themselves. I'm guessing the water depth is 0.80 metres so he was able to stand but didn't know how to.

My stage 1 at the end they are already swimming with one float front and back and started with arms. My suggestion would be always set a stronger swimmer and a weaker one together and always be in front or to the side. Stage 2 there should be more water confidence and have a certain level of independence. Maybe dicuss the requirements with your duty manager.

My dd went to group lessons.
Someone splashed her in the face, not deliberately, but multiple times.
That was that, she refuses to swim.

I am non-negotiable about swimming so arranged for her to have private lessons.
She absolutely smashed it in not a great length of time. Her instructor wanted her to join her swimming team but she wasn't interested.

Some years later, as a young teen, she was diagnosed with ASD and swimming became one of those hmm 🤔 moments that made me think I should have realised earlier that she was possibly ND. That said, it was only when she was in year 8 that her mask slipped.

You did your job properly, the parents respect their child's feelings towards swimming now and aren't forcing him to continue- there's not anything else you can do OP, this will happen as a swimming teacher and he'll probably get back into it at some point.

I'd say though perhaps use it to encourage you to trust your gut more if it seems someone is in the wrong group.

I think you sound lovely and really caring, that’s what I would want from a swimming teacher!
My daughter started swimming lessons (it was during Covid parents had to drop off outside) she became more and more anxious about going in and I didn’t know why. She also wasn’t very verbal age 4/5, I contacted the teachers and they were very dismissive but said they would work with her, she then started to refuse to go and was really scared and when I contacted them again they were really rude so I pulled her out and lost a fair whack of money. I’ve no idea if she went under as nothing was explained to me and my child couldn’t either. Having a kind conversation, or an offer to move down a group would have made all the difference.

I ended up taking her swimming myself as much as I could (once pools reopened) to build her back up and she’s now in the local council lessons and doing really well.

Most phobias start due to a specific incident in childhood so it’s quite possible that he might be traumatised for life unless he gets the right support early enough.

Personally, I’m not a fan of group swimming lessons for very inexperienced swimmers and think many children would benefit far more with a few 1:1 lessons initially. Then when they can swim a little bit and are more confident in the water, they can join a group lesson.