Can’t stop cutting hair- now too short

[CyanDog]

Looking for advice please. When I’m stressed or wanting change I cut my hair. It’s gone from down my back and a bit messy to an extremely short bob. I started by cutting it to my shoulders which looked great, but obsessively kept “trimming” as it looked uneven and now it’s by my chin and does not look good at all.
any ideas how to salvage this please / tips for disguising a bad bob? How long to grow out?? I’m so frustrated with myself.

I’m another one who says- go to the hairdresser, find a good one.

They’ll sort the cut so it’s even and you’re not unhappy about it for the same reasons.

If anyone asks- I just fancied a change…..

As for the hairdresser, they are SO used to people doing all sorts of stuff to their hair, they won’t bat an eyelid!

There's nothing wrong with having a short hair cut- but get it done properly at a hairdresser. I have a short cut and find this thread a bit weird with women saying short hair looks horrendous.

Yep! I used to box dye my hair very dark brown as a teenager and then decided I wanted to go blonde. A girl I was in school with at the time was doing a hairdressing course and I entrusted her to bleach my hair. You can probably guess the damage. I looked ridiculous. Yellow roots, rust coloured ends and almost black mids. I was soooo embarrassed to even go to the hairdressers but they did help.

You need to find something else to channel your stresses in to. If you fancy a change, try experimenting with make up or do your nails differently. Take up alterations so you can experiment with different fashions, find another hobby.

Is there a reason you won't go to a hairdresser? you've ignored every suggestion l.

What's happening with you? It sounds like you're in distress and this is a symptom.

Some people cut their arms, you're cutting your hair.

I think you need help. Start by talking to your husband about how you're feeling.

geroshealth.com/is-cutting-your-own-hair-a-sign-of-mental-illness/

I find the MN aversion to short hair absolutely ridiculous. In many ways feminine stereotypes are way more entrenched than they were in the 60s/70s.

This.

I genuinely think it’ll be worse if they cut it shorter. I suppose I feel embarrassed!!

Why don't you go to a hairdresser and get a proper short haircut....

Short hair can look good on most people if cut properly...
But a really bad haircut is more noticeable...
Maybe tell them you will want to grow it and they can cut it in a style that will grow out better..
Ive hax long and short hair and most in between...

Your boyfriend is probably more concerned about your mental state/compulsion than not looking at you because he doesn't like your haircut...
Would also suggest finding some support about the compulsion

I‘m extremely stressed with work and general life issues. This felt like a relief.

I promise you, it will look better than what you have right now. They can blend it better by razoring instead of cutting it. Book an early appointment in the morning, so you're the first person in.

Can you get a lace front wig for while you're growing it back out? They blend with your natural hairline and are very realistic, so you could choose one similar to your pre-cut style?

@CyanDog
A hairdresser will be able to cut it into a style , it must be bad if your DH can't look, a hairdresser will stop it looking like a DIY hack job.

Nothing looks worse than self-hacked hair. A hairdresser will tidy and straighten it up.

I wouldn't worry about being embarrassed, it’s actually quite common and hairdressers are used to it. If you don’t want to go into a salon, find a local cutter to come to your house.

You need to stop. You need to seek therapy.

I grew out my dyed hair recently and the saying ‘a year to the ear’ is pretty spot on. At the two year mark I had a bob just below jaw length with no colour, so in my experience these estimates were pretty accurate.

Agree with others, get a hairdresser to tidy up any uneven ends and leave. I used wide material head bands to hide the fact my hair was two different colours during the grow out. Also mini claw clips to hold the front back so it looked longer than it was and hid the mess. I had almost black dye on the ends and light brown natural, with a few sprinkled greys so quite noticeable.

My hairdresser recently cut my hair too short, I wanted a shoulder length bob, and she did it above my jaw! It’s horrible when your hairs not comfortable and I keep looking at my just below shoulder length hair in photos from before and feeling sad. However that was two months ago and it is already growing back, so don’t give up hope. But definitely stop cutting it yourself.

I do this unfortunately, it’s a form of self harm and relief for me and I’ve worked on it, but the last time I did it was 6 months ago when I took off 8 inches. My best advice is to go to the hair dresser and get a style cut in, honestly they won’t need to take much to make it into a decent style but at that length it has to be done professionally to look good, it shows all errors otherwise there’s no hiding it. Then spend money, if you can, on nice hair treatments to do at home. I bought things like Philip Kingsley elastisizer, k18, olaplex etc I found that having luxurious products makes it less appealing to hack away at my hair as I’d spent lots of money to look after it. I also have a trusted hairdresser who knows what I do and she books me in for my trims, if I cancel she checks in on me. Tbf when I did it 6 months ago everyone thought the bob looked amazing and I’ve enjoyed styling it with soft waves, once my hairdresser fixed it ofcourse.

Could you try to post a picture of your hair( with your face blurred/scribbled out) just to see the length and perhaps show you pictures of the kind of style that you could have cut into your hair. You may be pleasantly surprised and feel better about going!

This is exactly how my ocd manifests and it’s horrible. I had a particularly bad time a year ago and cut loads off, after being so proud to finally grow my hair out. So I remember being just where you are. I kept crying, I was so disappointed in myself. It was awful.

An important points to remember, which helped me

You cut your hair, not yourself. This may seem silly but in retrospect there are much worse things you can do during a breakdown or a stress when you become fixated on an issue. Cutting your hair, while it impacts self image and esteem, is the lessor of a lot of possible evils. The hair will grow back.

Now, go and get your hair cut by a good professional. Treat yourself with it. If possible, make regular (or semi regular?) visits. Have the next appointment lined up. Yes, even if you’re growing your hair out. It’s important. Then when you have the urge to cut you know “I have two weeks until my professional cut, they will make sure I’m happy with it at every stage of the grow out process”

I find that as soon as I delay my real cut I get twitchy with the scissors.

Next, get rid of any hair cutting scissors and if there are other scissors you might use get your partner to hide them. If you don’t feel this is necessary, it’s fine. But I found it helpful particularly when I was overwhelmed with the need to use them.

Lastly, take steps into looking after your hair. Regardless of it helps your grow back journey, it’s about helping you feel better about your hair in general. Get a bonnet to sleep in if you don’t have one already, get some oils and oil your hair (even once a week the night before a wash, it does wonders for hydration and does help promote growth) and that way you are taking action to your hair without cutting or damaging it. You’re healing it. and yourself. 💐

If you can get it into a short ponytail it's not that short, go to a hairdresser and get it trimmed to even, hide the scissors and it will grow fine .

Also in my experience going to any hairdresser and saying “I had a bit of a wobble/breakdown/episode and I cut my hair, please help me love it while it grows back” will be met with nothing but kindness and understanding. They want you to leave feeling good. Just find someone online (check local salons on Instagram) who’s work you really like, especially in short styles, or who works with your hair type (ie, someone good with curly hair and so on)

You’ll be surprised what a good hairdresser can to to style something you don’t think works at that length.

Try clipping parts up with some nice claw clips (half-ish up half down kind of thing) - anthro, Oliver bonas, H&M but do get a hairdresser to shape it up: I’ve had some very poor bobs and some fantastic bobs all at the same length so it is very possible to salvage this and it will be at your shoulders in no time.

As for the need for support, don’t be embarrassed about what you’ve done and take this point to get some support (and a fab haircut!)

I bought some fabric hair band / bandana type things, and some sparkly clips and just tried to own it. This was last year, I think it took about 6 months to get to a length I felt OK about. I am still sad it's not longer. And I tie it up a lot anyway! More so since I cut it. But I would have liked to go to a hairdresser to make it look better.

It sounds related to trichotilomania type behaviour. A poster said she did both. I pull out my top eye lashes when stressed and then have to try and cover it with makeup. I've been doing it since I was 9. My mum was mentally ill and I was her scapegoat so might be related.

It's not that short hair is in any way horrendous and no one is saying that - it's that an impulse hack job when anxious can have terrible results. As others have said, short hair is very hard to cut yourself. And on top of that it takes a while to grow out again.
It's also a visual shock and reminder of trauma if the person has had longer hair.