Husband disrespecting me infront of friends and children

[Anonymous23458d]

Imagine you have just made tea for you spouse after being with your 3 year old and 6 month old all day and 6 month old is over tired, you've struggled to make tea with them both screaming and you finally get it on the table. Ur husband comes down huffing after u shouting him 3 times to say its ready and the baby is still screaming so u go to feed the baby whilst ur husband and toddler eat. Ur exhausted and hungry too but want him to eat while he relaxes and doesn't have to hearthe baby screaming so u take the baby away while he eats. He then rings his friend whilst he's eating. No thought to me. Hes talking to him saying he will bring my DS to meet him tonight at 6.30. (This is my sons bedtime) I called from the living room that that's too late for DS as it's his bedtime ( he's been up since 6am) he then got very angry while still on the phone to his friend and his friends wife saying 'why do you always have to ruin everuthing' 'why can't you be a relaxed woman' and shouting at me whilst on the phone so they can over hear. I am very upset about this as he is clearly disrespecting me infront of his friends and it happens alot. Also the effect it is going to have on my sons hearing their father be so disrespectful towards me after I had made his tea and gave him peace to eat. There is never any thanks it is always expected and I feel like it's the last straw him talking to me like I'm annoying and pathetic infront of his friends. We've had many arguments about this in the past too. Am I in the wrong for getting upset and really hurt by this? He has taken my 3 year old out irregardless of what I said FYI.

Stop making his dinner, if he’s going to be that rude then he can bloody well do it himself Xx

And when he gets back he can put the 3 year old to bed and deal with an overtired child, let him get on with it and do not intervene xx

This won’t get better. Save up and get out. Men seem to have very short fuses and they don’t get longer, ever.

Let him put him to bed and deal with any tiredness/crying. Men are selfish bs . They often don’t change after children. He’s putting himself first before his child so he needs to deal with consequences. Let him see what happens when he’s back in…

Some people say respect should be earned. That's tripe. I believe respect should be given, its the bare minimum.

However some people have to be taught to show basic respect. So from now pay him no attention, show no consideration to him, make demands on him and be prepared to walk away if he doesn't get with the new program.

That sounds really rubbish, I'm not surprised you're exhausted. Out of curiosity, where is he going with your three year old? Are they meeting at this friends house or restaurant or something?

I feel the friends must have found the whole thing incredibly awkward to be on on a call with your husband earlier and caught in a domestic.

I mean this is the nicest possible way but your partner sounds really lame, like a 17 year old boy whose playing silly games with his mates trying to embarrass his girlfriend. It doesn't sound like the actions of a socially aware, loving, intelligent adult. Just sounds weird quite honestly, like who calls instead of texts at dinner time, are his friends not busy? Do they not have families? I can't even comprehend this 😂 the fact he's not even helping you, but being so antisocial and passive aggressive and juvenile...it's really mind boggling.

Also, I can't think of anything worse than taking either of my sons out 30 mins+ after their bedtime. The screaming, whining, moaning- no way, not a fun time! So good luck to him. What a selfish thing for him to do also.

You're better off without (easier said than done but maybe something to work to!)

He’s not a keeper. Start making plans and keep them to yourself.

I’m sorry but why is he not rolling up his sleeves and pitching in? Why are you the only one cooking and looking after children? I know why. He’s a cunt and you just enable it. Sorry but unless you assert yourself or kick him out, nothing will change. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for all your responses. I feel awful coming on here to seek reassurance but I do not have much of a support circle and his behaviour is really hurtful and alot of the time he makes me believe its me who's too sensitive or that there is something wrong with me for getting annoyed.
I should have mentioned I am a sahm now still on maternity leave though as I used to be self employed. My youngest is 6 months.
Sorry I should have mentioned he said he was taking my 3 year old to the park at 6.30 to sight the moon with his friend who is Muslim. None of his friends have children we were the first to have them (we're both 28). But this is not the first time he has disrespected me infront of them it's a regular occurance actually. Normally he goes out once a week and doesn't tell me when he's coming home. Or if he does he does not respect the time he gave me and comes home hours later in the early hours of the morning. This is a massive issue in our relationship where he cannot communicate well or at all.
Last week his friend had his 3rd wedding event as he is Muslim. He left at 10am and said he'd be back at 3pm to help with the boys and give me abit of a break. He rang at 3 saying he won't be back he's going to his friends house. I said you've promised me again ud be back at that time and he told me to F* off. And said its because I have no friends I am like this and I am a loser. He then never replied to my messages about when he'd be back. I then text his friends wife and asked if she was with him. He obviously found out about this and sent me loads of abusive messages saying I am embarrassing, they all think I'm a loser and why can't I just be a chilled wife with no issues etc.
This is all because he told me he'd be back at 3pm and I'd set my day up for that and just wanted to know when he'd be back. But no I'm wrong for not just letting him stay longer. (He didn't get back until about 12am in the end). I find it hard I'm with a baby and toddler all day every day. It was the weekend and instead of being a family most weekends he's with his friends. I also can't trust his word anymore whenever he goes out he doesn't respect the time he gives me and doesn't feel he needs to give me a time. Yes obviously before kids he could do what he wanted but now I have both of them I do feel like I rely on him and I'm sick of having to justify why I need to know when he'd be back.
Sorry for the rant dont think I've ever typed it all out before

I've just done a course on domestic violence and so many of the things you mention are red flags. His behaviour is not normal. You and your children deserve better.

He sounds like an abusive arsehole 😠 do you really want to stay with someone who treats you like this?

I really hate to say this to you but this man either has no respect for woman or no respect for you. The sooner you get out the better your mental health will be. Being treated like crap wears you down..

I would be throwing the frying pan, etc with everything in it straight into the sink. I would put the kids in the car and get everyone McDonald’s (or whatever) and drive to a close friend or family member’s place. Ignore his calls and start contacting CMS in the morning.

Seeing your update, you need to get yourself and your DCs away from this creep. Do you have family you can go to?

I’m just going to leave this here …..

All of this is abuse.

He feels contempt for you.

You need to start planning to end the relationship.

Call Women's Aid
0808 2000 247
Leave a message. They will call you back at a time that's good for you.

You might as well be a single mum

This is truly not just directed at you OP.
But some women on here will truly just get with/marry/have kids with/stay with any bloody arsehole

Ask yourself honestly "what does this man bring to my life"

If the answers aren't good enough- leave

Please, please start making plans to leave. Start looking for jobs and childcare. You deserve so much better than living with an abusive piece of shit who seems to only make your life harder.

Honestly respect for you is a red herring in this case. It's not about you, it's not about respect, it's about being a dad, putting his kids' welfare first.

Then it's about being a husband and family and making decisions together.

Respect these days seems to be like 'face' and pride- something that's shared out between two people and you demanding some means he has less. That's not what matters. The welfare of your DC matters.

Your DC will do best if you two collaborate on family expectations, rather than arguing over who is in charge.

As it happens I think going out to see the sky last night would have been great- special stars and planets. But you both saw it as an argument about who was in charge.

Why did you marry him. Surely this is not new and his character has always been the same. People don't change over night.

That sounds awful I could never put up with it. YANBU. You need to stop making his tea and aerving it and calling him. He is not a toddler who needs to be summond are we in the 1800s?

I also have a 3 yr old amd 6 month old. DH gets back from work. He take both children upstairs while he changes and he plays with them calls his parents. So I can finish off dinner and serving it. We do not have phones at the table.

He needs and attitude adjustment and a wake up call.

Be in bed and think about only your baby this night.
The three year old is his father's problem.

Alternatively, Take the baby to your family to stay the night and text your H to say you are tired out and being cared for by family and that 3 year old needs to be at childcare at XX in the morning.

He sounds absolutely awful. I couldn't stay with someone who treats me with such disrespect. It would make me physically recoil.

@Anonymous23458d just read your update, it sounds like he doesn’t want to be part of raising kids/spending time with you all.

He clearly has no idea how hard it is spending every day with small children, it is relentless and maybe he needs a few hours alone with them so that he can appreciate how hard it is for you.

Unless he is willing to seek help/communicate etc then I can’t see how you can get through to him.

The fact he swears at you and is disrespectful is the first stage of abuse, unfortunately it only gets worse (unless he gets help) he might eventually start using his fists - this is how it started for me with ex-husband.

If he doesn’t change his ways have you decided what you want from the future? X

Why did you marry him. Surely this is not new and his character has always been the same. People don't change over night

Why are you asking this? It's not helpful and is victim blaming at its best 🙄 and yes, people like OPs husband do change overnight. They're all sweetness and light to begin with. He's an abusive piece of shit.

Please think before you post on threads where women are being abused by their partners.