Husband disrespecting me infront of friends and children

[Anonymous23458d]

Imagine you have just made tea for you spouse after being with your 3 year old and 6 month old all day and 6 month old is over tired, you've struggled to make tea with them both screaming and you finally get it on the table. Ur husband comes down huffing after u shouting him 3 times to say its ready and the baby is still screaming so u go to feed the baby whilst ur husband and toddler eat. Ur exhausted and hungry too but want him to eat while he relaxes and doesn't have to hearthe baby screaming so u take the baby away while he eats. He then rings his friend whilst he's eating. No thought to me. Hes talking to him saying he will bring my DS to meet him tonight at 6.30. (This is my sons bedtime) I called from the living room that that's too late for DS as it's his bedtime ( he's been up since 6am) he then got very angry while still on the phone to his friend and his friends wife saying 'why do you always have to ruin everuthing' 'why can't you be a relaxed woman' and shouting at me whilst on the phone so they can over hear. I am very upset about this as he is clearly disrespecting me infront of his friends and it happens alot. Also the effect it is going to have on my sons hearing their father be so disrespectful towards me after I had made his tea and gave him peace to eat. There is never any thanks it is always expected and I feel like it's the last straw him talking to me like I'm annoying and pathetic infront of his friends. We've had many arguments about this in the past too. Am I in the wrong for getting upset and really hurt by this? He has taken my 3 year old out irregardless of what I said FYI.

I actually think your post is also unhelpful. It suggests that abuse just happens like a switch going off in some men who were ‘sweetness and light’. No. That ugly dark side was always there. It’s just that some girls and women who were not raised around healthy relationships fail to see the red flags. This is why like the op, they spend their time trying to ‘fix’ things and trying to be a ‘perfect wife’.

The sisterhood needs to help these women (and the offspring brought into these situations) by reassuring them that it’s not their fault. These men are fucked up. And that women have agency and choices.

I'm not going to derail this post so this will be my first and last reply to you.

You think my post is unhelpful because 'It suggests that abuse just happens like a switch going off in some men who were ‘sweetness and light’.' Well, that's how it feels for some women.

We're actually on the same side here and we need to be aware that everyone's experience of abuse is different. However victim blaming of any description is unacceptable which is why I posted.