To think that most people who call themselves “empaths” are actually just manipulative?

[ByFluentPombear]

The ones who always claim they “feel other people’s pain” seem to be the most emotionally draining and self-centred.

I often pick up on an edge in someone's mood or atmosphere in a room but this is because of years of being in a state of hyper awareness

I'm not an empath and would never describe myself as one just a learned behaviour that I now can't switch off. It's only with negative emotions though not positive.

Haha I'm probably going to get a little flamed for this but I had to Google it and I would say the term empath probably fits me pretty well, but this is why- growing up with a parent with complex mental health issues probably meant I developed skills to read people more closely than other children of my age had to for survival. I'd say I've channeled it pretty well into a career in the community and I have years of my own therapy etc behind me to try to ensure it's healthy- definitely wouldn't describe myself as manipulative, if anything I probably overthink too much about what I'm doing and why and if its the right thing or not! I think for me the key difference is I would definitely pick up straight away if something wasn't right for someone and I'd be very good at guessing what it might be and what I could do to try to either help or support them with it, but I would never say I feel someone's pain - I can see it and I can imagine what it might feel like but it's not my pain and I think if you can't process that personal boundary then yes you're probably in real danger of overstepping and not being self aware enough and you could do some real damage.

I think “empaths” are people with weak boundaries. Yes they maybe able to pick up that someone in the room is sad, but no that is not their sadness. They are internalising someone else’s emotions as their own, they need to develop stronger boundaries and separate themselves from others.

Anyone I ever met who declared themselves to be an empath was either a self absorbed attention seeker or a codependent with a saviour complex.

An empath can pick up if a person is upset even if they are the life and soul of the party . An empath can also read people and can sense if they are a good or a bad person no matter how nice they self . An empath has a strong gut feeling and is rarely wrong .

I know exactly what you mean

I don't trust anyone who says "I'm a bit of an empath"
I mean the phrase alone makes me want to grind my teeth. It's an Americanism and a teenaged invention.

People who are genuinely sympathetic or empathetic are just that way and you can tell. They don't go around labelling themselves.

I don't think they're manipulative but I do think they can be a bit attention-seeky.

Talking over and over about your own personality is always self centred.

empathy is a perfectly natural and common personality trait

the thing to remember is all 'empathy' is in that sense is having a really good read on body language/expression/tone of voice, and its often born of trauma.. from someone who grew up having to be 10/10 on reading someone around them for their own safety... and knowing how to handle/diffuse that person.

These empaths don't call themselves empaths though.

Empaths who use the term are wankers.

An empath can pick up if a person is upset even if they are the life and soul of the party . An empath can also read people and can sense if they are a good or a bad person no matter how nice they self . An empath has a strong gut feeling and is rarely wrong .

Maybe the "empath" just has an inflated opinion of themselves and massively projects and doesn't actually possess these rare, special gifts.

This is very much my experience. People wittering about being an "empath" are usually sociopathic narcissists experiencing a faint glimmer of the empathy everyone else regards as normal, and finding it weird and miraculous.

This

@RumpledSilkSkin No they can't and don't, because "empaths" don't exist, same as telepathy or mind reading doesn't.

Anyone who thinks 'empaths' are real has just been reading too much science fiction or watching too much Star Trek series.

Yes, some people can be hyper-vigilant to atmosphere and body language, often due to adverse childhood events, but that doesn't mean they have special powers. People claiming they're an empath are self deluded idiots trying to insert themselves into emotional situations for attention.

Yes, I came to say the same. If someone is going through something the self-declared empath has to make it about themselves. They are actually the one suffering the most because of their incredible special empathy.

One aquaintance who declared that she had just realised she was an empath described a very basic, normal experience of empathy she'd had that had led her to this conclusion. The fact she thought it was such a special experience maybe highlighted that she didn't usually feel much empathy at all...I don't know, I'm being harsh, but it's so frustrating if you're going through something horrible and someone uses your experience to mine people for attention.

I have known two people who would describe themselves as empaths, as previous posters have said they were among the most unkind least empathetic people I have ever met.

One is a man who veered on social media between posting stuff from a page called Empaths, Old Souls and Introverts and Britain First, Reform Party type stuff saying immigrants should be deported. He’s been divorced three times and all his exes are N/C with him.

The other was a woman, who basically used people as props for photo opportunities to show how caring she was on social media, including her DM with dementia, a neighbour’s child with a learning disability and worst of all someone she hardly knew who died tragically young. She didn’t have a photo of them together so she photoshopped one to say how heartbroken she was due to being an empath. Her own adult children and grandchildren were N/C though she claimed not to know why. She often shared the be kind stuff as well.

It’s a very odd thing.

I think the real ones are indeed able to notice that you are suffering, even if you are smiling and looking happy. They have a way to get you to talk to them. But, they care and they offer comfort.
Many gurus only want to manipulate situations.

I think people who label themselves as anything made up in a "I'm a/an..." way are best avoided generally, tbh.

It’s just another buzzword and I don’t take anyone who says they are one very seriously.

Most people who brag about being an empath are totally self obsessed and make everything about them.

On the flip side of it, I sense moods and feelings from everyone constantly. I don't brag about it, it exhausts me, and I find large groups and certain people totally overwhelming. After a childhood of being the victim of manipulative behaviour and then 25 years of a highly abusive marriage, my therapist explained that I zero boundaries and was people pleasing to survive, hence the need to read mood so that I was aware of danger.

Believe me, it's nothing to brag about.

I tend to roll my eyes a bit at the whole "empath" bandwagon. I have no issue if someone describes themselves as intuitive or sensitive, but empath just makes me feel grouchy.

Nearly everyone can empathise with people and read emotions. The difference with self proclaimed empaths is that they then make this all about themselves. So for example, a friend was telling me about the funeral of a child she had been to. I didn’t know the child but you would have had a heart of stone not to feel moved about the details of this funeral.

I felt tears coming and did everything I could to bite them back, because I could feel the emotion (because normal empathy) but it wasn’t about me, it was about her. An “Empath” would have allowed the tears to flow and made it about them instead so the person who actually went to the funeral ended up comforting the other person.

I do think some people are more sensitive than others but again, Empaths make this about them and make a big fuss about it, whereas normal people just avoid things that make them sad, or if they can’t, they just don’t make a big song and dance about it - because they’re not super self centred.

It is at best a very selfish way to be, and at worst a definite sign of narcissism.

I guess I'm an empath because I get sucked into people's problems easily and I tend to make them mine. I'm working on boundaries though for my own sanity. But I have never said I'm an empath, I would probably use the term people pleaser or just mug😄

IME they are traumatised people who have become very good at reading people.

Sadly traumatised people can also be “self centred and draining”, but probably need support and kindness.

This. It’s just another way for dull and socially awkward people without many friends to try to make themselves more interesting.

See also people who identify as “introverts” and tell anyone who will listen that it is a superpower.

I agree with others about some hyper vigilant people confusing themselves as empaths. I’m very good at picking up on people, my husband always jokes about it, but sadly it’s due to having grown up with a violent parent. It’s almost impossible to switch off hyper vigilance in adulthood when you’ve had to be on high alert your whole childhood. Hyper vigilance is a curse caused by abusive damage and certainly not a special Empath gift. I wish I could just accept people at face value and enjoy, I do try hard to recognise this for what it is.

Also I’ve seen a lot of people bragging on SM about how big social gatherings totally exhaust them because they’re an empath and reading everyone in the room which again seems a rather self centred precious thing to boast about. Whereas I think some people are simply tired out by social occasions because they have an introverted personality type, which isn’t uncommon. Extrovert personalities are recharged by social interactions/occasions, introverts are often depleted even if they enjoy their evening. People simply put are different, not special! So I agree that many of those that boast about being empaths like they’re some sort of special higher beings are usually quite self obsessed attention seekers and very tedious.