Partner (step parent) push my 6 yo son

[Pinkie89]

Me and my partner were having a tiff over something trivial but I could see he was visibly annoyed. About a minute or 2 into the disagreement my 6 yo son hit him playfully but forcefully (they always play fight) and my partner (step parent) reacted and pushed him. It wasn’t a playful push, he was annoyed at me and this resulted in him pushing my son as a reaction to the punch. This took my son by surprise but I quickly reacted and went mad at my partner then took my son upto bed. My son was crying but I don’t know if that was because of my reaction or because he was genuinely upset. He said it was a forceful push, but it wasn’t strong enough to push him over/into something.

my partners initially response afterwards was “well he shouldn’t have hit me”. To me this is completely irrelevant. My son did it playfully, and he’s a child. My partner is an adult and should know that’s not ok. He has since been very apologetic and says he knows he shouldn’t have done it, it was a reaction to being punched and stopping it. We’ve been together 4 years but living together only 6 weeks. He’s otherwise been good with the kids and they’d be very sad to see him go.

I know this is absolutely not acceptable. It’s got me questioning everything. AIBU to think I need to end the relationship? I don’t trust my own judgement anymore, am I overreacting?

what happened in the end

I think you overreacted and probably upset your son in doing so. You should have been more mindful about arguing in front of your son, I don’t think that’s acceptable either.

I also wonder if your son was trying to diffuse your argument by inserting himself into the conversation in a playful way.

living together only 6 weeks

So 6 weeks in your partner has, in your words, taken his anger at you out on your 6 year old...

In no way is that acceptable. Stop going round the houses with debating how hard the push is and look at it bluntly.

If he took his anger at you out on your child physically, hard or soft, then he needs to go because that is unacceptable. Pure and simple.

If that is what happened your choice is simple because that lack of control is not acceptable around a child. And as your child gets bigger and more opinionated then that's a lack of control that's likely to lead to more issues.

He's only been there a few weeks and already you're arguing in front of the kids and then he's pushing your son - that is never going to end up anywhere good OP.

Your son probably punched him because he didn't like to see him arguing with you - this sort of thing is going to have an impact on him as he grows up - and then to be pushed himself.

I really don't think you should be asking the children if they think he should leave, that is totally inappropriate. You're the adult and you shouldn't be putting that decision onto a child. He's clearly not ready to live with a family and needs to move out IMO. You kids need to know that it is not their fault that he has moved out, it's due to his behaviour, not them.

I’m going against the grain here but if a six year old punched me I would probably push them too. Not behaviour to be encouraged and at six he should know better. No one should be hitting anyone, regardless if it’s ’playing’ or not.

So if a child was grabbing fistfuls of your hair and scratching your eyes out (I’ve seen this happen with a mother and her child in a supermarket) you would just sit there and not engage physical contact at all? 😂

I couldn't stay with this man

This is an old post. Me and my now ex partner broke up.

Well done.

"Play" fighting! Just why? Your son loving it isn't necessarily a good thing.

Because of the situation you posted about?

I hope life is going ok for you.

Glad to hear this.

I don’t believe he is a bad person, but once is once enough. I wasn’t happy in the relationship prior to this happening either.
A break up is never easy or nice, but I’m out the other side now, and have been for a few months ☺️

My DS always wanted to play fight with me when smaller - I’m a single parent so much as I didn’t enjoy that kind of play I sort of had to as no Dad at our house to do it. Apparently it’s very important for kids to have that kind of physical play - as long as it’s a responsible adult who will do it safely.

He’s too old to play fight with me now at 11 but I think he still does with his Dad at his house.

To answer the @Pinkie89 ‘s question- what your partner did was totally unacceptable. He pushed your child in anger, and that can never be ok. If this is happening after only six weeks, I would say that having him live with you is not working, and have him move back out again.

Even the fact the two of you were having a “tiff” with the kids around after such a short time suggests it’s not a good idea. Kids don’t want to live in a battleground.

Oh sorry just seen it’s a zombie - wish people wouldn’t revive them!!

The OP updated yesterday, and just now to say that, and that she had split from partner.

How are the kids finding the transition? Hope they are doing well

I told my partner to leave because he argued with my 18yo and in retaliation to her he called her a piece of shit in. He’s gone! Im glad. My adult kids are a bit stunned as they had liked him but im
not prepared to wait on a knife edge to see it was going to happen again. Consider really carefully if he really does love your children - not just ‘accept’, as anyone can do that. They will drive him nuts i to adulthood, as children do. Will he always push them ba ck when he’s angry. When will it escalate to a harder push and an injury, or hitting? Im much older and wiser than i once was, and I’d tell him to leave.