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Original poster

In laws - help

49 replies

SpoonyMember · 27/02/2025 14:06

Ok - in laws mother & sister inlaw
am I being unreasonable?
Six months ago, me and my husband got married. In the run-up to the wedding my future mother-in-law continued to make hints and suggestions that his sister would be extremely disappointed if she wasn't a bridesmaid at the time I thought I was being kind inclusive and nice by asking her to be a bridesmaid, little did I know it would be the worst experience of my life. The mother-in-law then continued to make comments such as where am I going to stay? Have you booked any accommodation for me? How will I get to the church who's doing my hair and make up, extremely entitled. Now come to a few days before the wedding she was staying in the same house as me getting ready hair and make up all provided food drink, et cetera all provided And she contributed absolutely nothing other than a bad attitude, they both refused to help in the run-up to the wedding but made it very clear what they wanted telling their hair and make up people how they wanted all the bridesmaids to look my mother-in-law also took the best room wouldn't help the mother of the bride refused to help the morning of and let my mum miss all the getting ready time because there was extra wedding prep to do in the morning. She also pushed in for her makeup didn't stick to schedule was rude to the people that are driven and provided the cars in the morning. SIL made a huge scene about not being able to do a speech and started to cause trouble saying that it was me that didn't want it and not my husband to be (it was a joint decision!!) Neither of them spoke to me all day on the wedding day nor did they make any effort with my family at all.
Following the wedding, I decided to keep the peace. And not share with my husband, what they'd really been like however yesterday both mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at my house unannounced and unexpected the mother-in-law saying that she was staying for the whole of half term and the sister-in-law saying that she was staying the night now don't get me wrong if they would be nice and pleasant and genuine people i wouldnt mind & This probably wouldn't have bothered me, but I find it extremely unbelievably rude that they just turn up completely empty-handed and demand me to give them a hotel service.
My anger is boiling over. How do I approach the situation?

OP posts:
SingingSands · 27/02/2025 14:16

Ask them to leave. Today.

WheresFluffy · 27/02/2025 14:19

You don't. Your husband does.
His family, his problem.

UndermyShoeJoe · 27/02/2025 14:20

You get dh to tell them to leave.

Rainbow1901 · 27/02/2025 14:22

You tell them to leave and you bring your husband up to date with everything that went on in the run up to the wedding and admit that to him that you were foolish to have done so. The two of you are a partnership so need to present a united front - your DH can't do that if he is in the dark about things because you didn't tell him.

AnnaMagnani · 27/02/2025 14:22

You tell your husband that his family ruined your wedding day and they are about to ruin his marriage and he needs to sort them out immediately.

outerspacepotato · 27/02/2025 14:28

Tell your husband how they acted and ask him to make them leave. You're not keeping the peace, you're being a doormat and they're being rude assholes in your home. It's not like they were invited to stay.

You have taught them how badly they can treat you and it's not going to stop until you change that. Your husband needs to deal with his rude family but you need to step up and tell him how his family has acted and let them know this bullshit stops now. They don't get to tell you how long they are staying in your home.

SillySeal · 27/02/2025 14:31

Get your DH to tell them to leave. That kind of rudeness would infuriate me.

ItGhoul · 27/02/2025 14:34

however yesterday both mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at my house unannounced and unexpected the mother-in-law saying that she was staying for the whole of half term

Why hasn't your husband told these crazed harridans to fuck off? If my mum and sister turned up at my house uninvited and announced they were staying for a week, I'd tell them they were nuts and send them on their way. I wouldn't leave my partner to deal with them. Your DH needs to step up.

Endofyear · 27/02/2025 14:35

Stop trying to keep the peace and stand up for yourself. I would not have allowed them to behave the way they did at your wedding. I would have told MIL to sort out her own hair, make-up and accommodation and made sure SIL fitted in with what YOU wanted at the wedding! Where is your husband in all this? He needs to step up and sort his family out. You both should tell them they can't turn up uninvited and stay with you, they will have to go home.

MrsJHernandez · 27/02/2025 14:44

Your mistake was not telling your husband about what happened.

Explain it to him and let him know how upset you were, and due to this you're not happy about them turning up unannounced and uninvited, expecting you to look after them for a week and they need to leave. The bloody cheek of these people!

Darkclothes · 27/02/2025 14:45

So you have just been married and they are coming to stay! This is your honeymoon time, whether you are away or not.
Tell your DH about the wedding issue and get him to kick them out. If he doesn't then you know where the problem is!

unbelieveable22 · 27/02/2025 14:48

How far have they travelled (not that it matters in the bigger picture) to get to you?
It is unfortunate that you hadn't shared what happened during the lead up to the wedding with your husband as he will now be blindsided by his family having arrived at your home.

Presumably your SIL has left now, leaving your MIL with you. Your husband should tell her she will have to go as you have planned to go away for the weekend. He should further tell her not to turn up your home unannounced in future.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 27/02/2025 15:01

Bloody hell. Grow a spine. You're a grown woman!

In the time it took you to type this you could've turned to them and said no.

You could've told your husband to remove them.

If they stay you leave.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/02/2025 15:11

@SpoonyMember where is your husband today? where was he last night? you need to come back. grow up and tell her that she has to leave now. you have things arranged for the weekend and remind her of her shitty behaviour in the run up and during the wedding!! you will not tolerate this or else she will be like this forever more!

mummytrex · 27/02/2025 15:19

Spell out EXACTLY what happened and make them leave now.

You being the bigger person by turning the other cheek in the run up to the wedding, on the day of the wedding, post wedding and allowing them into your home today is giving them the green light to continue being arseholes.

You need to:

  1. Spell out to your husband precisely what has happened;
  1. Set boundaries - they're out immediately and NOT staying over.

Your husband's response is importantbhere. Not because you need his permission / approval, but because it will signal whether he is also a problem. Specifically whether he will side with them at your expense. If so, I'd seriously reconsider the marriage before you have kids as you will otherwise run the risk of a lifetime of being undermined and pushed around.

upsetapplecard · 27/02/2025 18:31

You need to be honest with your husband about the wedding day and ask him to ask them to leave

TamborineGal · 27/02/2025 18:53

Excellent opportunity for you to establish some non negotiable boundaries.
The alternative more of the same FOREVER....
Well until your relationship fails for IL interference and antisocial behaviour.
Be. Firm.
Good luck

ThejoyofNC · 27/02/2025 19:13

Everything everyone else said.

But also if you don't want unannounced visits then now is the time to put that boundary in place, if you don't do it now then you never will.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/02/2025 19:18

I don't understand how this happens, no one comes to my house without an invitation and I don't answer my door to random knocks past delivery times.
Tell them to leave and that you haven't invited them so there will be no overnight stays unless you've asked for their company.

Tell them to fuck off.

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/02/2025 19:18

You tell them to piss off.

This is the consequence of being such a doormat.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/02/2025 19:22

First off you need to be completely honest with your DH about how his sister and mother behaved in the run up to your wedding and on your wedding day.
Tell him that you just wanted to keep the peace so you made a call at the time not to say anything to him about how they behaved.
Unfortunately though, based on their latest behaviour you feel compelled to tell him everything now.
You are doing this so that you can both be on the same page when it comes to how to treat them, both now and in the future.

Where is your DH, by the way, on dealing with them right now? Did he know they were coming or not?

I'd be quite happy in telling DH that as they are his family that he has to tell them to leave, they won't be staying for the half term break at all and most people check or ask before they would travel and stay with relations. If you can, I'd say to DH that if they stay, then you're booking into a hotel and he's to contact you when they are gone. It's really that simple. If you can't stay in a hotel, go to a relation of yours to stay (if you can).

They have to go and they also have to understand that now that their son/brother is married, things are different and they should never assume that they can just land at your doorstep and you'll put them up without complaint.

itsjustbiology · 27/02/2025 20:05

Get out of the chair open the door and throw them out. Unless of course DH has agreed this behind your back.If that is the case you have bigger problems,

Mrsgus · 28/02/2025 10:31

Most of the stuff about the wedding wasn't it discussed and arranged beforehand about what was to happen? Where who was staying, what was to happen regarding speeches, who was going to help out on the day etc etc?
As for your situation now that would be a definitely no way unless it had all been arranged and agreed beforehand. If hubby has said yes to them and not informed you, I would be off checking myself into a hotel or seeing if I could go and stay with family or friends for the remainder of the week. You need to start being firmer and saying NO.

diddl · 28/02/2025 10:34

They haven't been invited so they don't get to stay.

If your husband wants them to stay then he looks after them.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/02/2025 10:39

What has your dh said?

As they are unwelcome guests I’d do the bare minimum, if they advise they are hungry advise the kitchen is free, if they want a cuppa , advise you fancy one and give them your order.