Page 2 | In laws - help

Poppyfun1 · 28/02/2025 10:55

You tell them to leave. Now,

MrsRagnarLothbrok · 28/02/2025 10:58

You absolutely need to establish boundaries now or you will have a lifetime of the pair of them treating you badly. As a couple you need to tell them that they cannot stay, you don’t have to give a reason, people get away with this behaviour by relying on people not wanting to be rude and tell them no

PacificAtlantic · 28/02/2025 11:00

You take the kids and yourself away for half term to your parents. In laws didn’t check if you had plans so you aren’t being rude. Your new husband can deal with his family and you are being kind by giving him space to do so.

LookItsMeAgain · 28/02/2025 11:10

How are you getting on today @SpoonyMember ?

Has your DH said anything to his relatives yet?

welshmercury · 28/02/2025 11:14

Tell your DH to sort asap. Book yourself somewhere nice to stay tonight and let them do childcare and feeding themselves etc. this will force DH to take action

DappledThings · 28/02/2025 11:30

All the wedding stuff sounds annoying but quite vague in your description. If you didn't want them getting ready with you then why didn't you just say that? What extra stuff did your mum need to do on the morning that meant she chose to do that and miss her own make-up slot? That's all just weird and makes you and your mum sound pretty apathetic.

Turning up unannounced to stay is crazy behaviour and you should tell them firmly it doesn't work for you and they will need to make alternative arrangements. I think all the wedding stuff is a red herring.

Sandiedoors · 28/02/2025 11:31

Stay elsewhere until they’ve gone!

EndlessTreadmill · 28/02/2025 11:48

I wouldn't bring up the wedding again, those wedding arguments always sound petty.
But I would set very clear boundaries that people don't turn up announced, and can only stay if they have been invited!!
Think of the future - you want to set the rules now, easier than later.

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/02/2025 13:01

SpoonyMember · 27/02/2025 14:06

Ok - in laws mother & sister inlaw
am I being unreasonable?
Six months ago, me and my husband got married. In the run-up to the wedding my future mother-in-law continued to make hints and suggestions that his sister would be extremely disappointed if she wasn't a bridesmaid at the time I thought I was being kind inclusive and nice by asking her to be a bridesmaid, little did I know it would be the worst experience of my life. The mother-in-law then continued to make comments such as where am I going to stay? Have you booked any accommodation for me? How will I get to the church who's doing my hair and make up, extremely entitled. Now come to a few days before the wedding she was staying in the same house as me getting ready hair and make up all provided food drink, et cetera all provided And she contributed absolutely nothing other than a bad attitude, they both refused to help in the run-up to the wedding but made it very clear what they wanted telling their hair and make up people how they wanted all the bridesmaids to look my mother-in-law also took the best room wouldn't help the mother of the bride refused to help the morning of and let my mum miss all the getting ready time because there was extra wedding prep to do in the morning. She also pushed in for her makeup didn't stick to schedule was rude to the people that are driven and provided the cars in the morning. SIL made a huge scene about not being able to do a speech and started to cause trouble saying that it was me that didn't want it and not my husband to be (it was a joint decision!!) Neither of them spoke to me all day on the wedding day nor did they make any effort with my family at all.
Following the wedding, I decided to keep the peace. And not share with my husband, what they'd really been like however yesterday both mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at my house unannounced and unexpected the mother-in-law saying that she was staying for the whole of half term and the sister-in-law saying that she was staying the night now don't get me wrong if they would be nice and pleasant and genuine people i wouldnt mind & This probably wouldn't have bothered me, but I find it extremely unbelievably rude that they just turn up completely empty-handed and demand me to give them a hotel service.
My anger is boiling over. How do I approach the situation?

Use paragraphs I beg

ChristmasLightsLover · 28/02/2025 13:28

@SpoonyMember I am 20 years down the road on this. It took me 14 years to get myself together. Don't leave it so long for your, or your mental health.

Take action now. Be clear on boundaries. And make sure you and DH are aligned. We moved because I said we had to, or we'd get divorced. That helped. But there's still more to do.

MN is a great place for helping to perspective. Keep going.

NavyTurtle · 28/02/2025 13:42

SpoonyMember · 27/02/2025 14:06

Ok - in laws mother & sister inlaw
am I being unreasonable?
Six months ago, me and my husband got married. In the run-up to the wedding my future mother-in-law continued to make hints and suggestions that his sister would be extremely disappointed if she wasn't a bridesmaid at the time I thought I was being kind inclusive and nice by asking her to be a bridesmaid, little did I know it would be the worst experience of my life. The mother-in-law then continued to make comments such as where am I going to stay? Have you booked any accommodation for me? How will I get to the church who's doing my hair and make up, extremely entitled. Now come to a few days before the wedding she was staying in the same house as me getting ready hair and make up all provided food drink, et cetera all provided And she contributed absolutely nothing other than a bad attitude, they both refused to help in the run-up to the wedding but made it very clear what they wanted telling their hair and make up people how they wanted all the bridesmaids to look my mother-in-law also took the best room wouldn't help the mother of the bride refused to help the morning of and let my mum miss all the getting ready time because there was extra wedding prep to do in the morning. She also pushed in for her makeup didn't stick to schedule was rude to the people that are driven and provided the cars in the morning. SIL made a huge scene about not being able to do a speech and started to cause trouble saying that it was me that didn't want it and not my husband to be (it was a joint decision!!) Neither of them spoke to me all day on the wedding day nor did they make any effort with my family at all.
Following the wedding, I decided to keep the peace. And not share with my husband, what they'd really been like however yesterday both mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at my house unannounced and unexpected the mother-in-law saying that she was staying for the whole of half term and the sister-in-law saying that she was staying the night now don't get me wrong if they would be nice and pleasant and genuine people i wouldnt mind & This probably wouldn't have bothered me, but I find it extremely unbelievably rude that they just turn up completely empty-handed and demand me to give them a hotel service.
My anger is boiling over. How do I approach the situation?

You grow a pair, stand up for yourself and tell them in no uncertain terms to bugger off. You know what you have to do.

CosyLemur · 28/02/2025 14:22

You tell your husband what they were like and your husband deals with them.
In a marriage it's your job to manage your people and his job to manage his people.

FancyBear · 28/02/2025 14:23

If you haven't already done so you throw them out and if the husband isnt on board after you tell him everything that has happened he can leave with them too

We need an update pls

Julimia · 28/02/2025 14:51

Suspect we may have some cultural differences here. However whatever the case your husband needs telling and you both need to sing from the same hymn sheet..... immediately.

arcticpandas · 28/02/2025 15:04

Take the kids and go away. Tell your husband you'll be home when they're gone.

MummaMummaMumma · 28/02/2025 15:09

Just say no?

Sugargliderwombat · 28/02/2025 15:28

I'm so surprised you haven't spoken to your husband about this! It's not your job to just 'keep the peace' forevermore.

Say you need to speak to him there's a lot you never told him about the wedding and you want him to ask them to leave?

CatsWhiskerz · 28/02/2025 15:35

I'd leave them tonight and book into a hotel

Awittyandclevername · 28/02/2025 20:13

I’ll start by saying you sound much more level headed/ reasonable than me by not letting their antics spoil your wedding because honestly I would have been livid by their behaviour. I think you’re going to need to establish yourself now, and your unbreakable boundaries because let me tell you it will get worse if you allow it. Especially if you decide to have children- these in-laws will try and push you to the edge of insanity. I would keep it very short and to the point with this particular instance- even if it’s hard to say the words it needs to be said. ‘No, you can’t stay here I’m afraid that doesn’t work for us at all, you’ll need to find alternative arrangements.’ There is absolutely no need to engage any further with them on it. I would talk to your husband. DEFINITELY tell him about wedding, you guys are a team, he needs to know what’s up. Then discuss with him what boundaries you are both going to put in place to protect your peace and your relationship. The most important thing is that he’s on your side. Good luck!

Navyontop · 28/02/2025 20:55

I’d simply leave and get a hotel for the week, I wouldn’t even entertain it.
Upon return I’d tell my partner that if it happens again, I’m moving out. My Worst Nightmare

Phoenixfire1988 · 01/03/2025 09:15

Tell them to leave immediately! Grow a spine and shine it up otherwise they will trample all over you forever ! Ruining my wedding would of been the final straw and you need to fill your husband in on the extent of their behaviour

Coralsunset · 01/03/2025 09:19

Well all this peace keeping has done you no favours. The only way to deal with these people is to face them down.

Tell them to leave. If DH doesn’t back you, it’s a DH problem.

ConnieSlow · 01/03/2025 09:23

Snoopdoggydog123 · 27/02/2025 15:01

Bloody hell. Grow a spine. You're a grown woman!

In the time it took you to type this you could've turned to them and said no.

You could've told your husband to remove them.

If they stay you leave.

This. Why on earth you say mute about your wedding day. You need to talk up for yourself, you aren't a little child. They sound awful and your dh needs to sort them out.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 02/03/2025 17:10

Your husband needs to just say "Sorry, we have plans so you need to go home tomorrow. Next time please call as we are busy but would love to see you at an agreed time". This is his problem. Don't bother dragging the wedding things up, it'll cause a row and a rift and you won't get an apology from these types of people. They'll be a nightmare your whole marriage unfortunately, try and avoid seeing them, set firm boundaries and manage contact as best you can. You need to remember they are your husbands stakeholder, his job to manage them - it's a shame you don't have nice in laws, but you can't change or choose them sadly!