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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That DH got drunk at DD's 7th brthday party today

44 replies

moonlightdrive · 10/05/2008 23:33

We had a lovely party today for DD's birthday and she had about 12 school friends round and some of their mothers stayed and a few of my relations.

DH did a lot of planning getting the garden ready for today and we had a lovely time .

Did say we would just have soft drinks during the party and get out wine etc after the childen and mothers had gone home but DH opened the wine about 2pm and some of the parents had a glass or two.

When everyone left at 5pm DH and my relations carried on drinking and by the time they went at 8pm DH could hardly stand and fell asleep asleep on the sofa .

Feeling a bit miffed he ended the day that way and a bit embarrassed he was obviously pissed n front of my relations.

Am aia being a tad over sensitive and should be happy the party was a success and DH enjoyed himself?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 10/05/2008 23:35

No he should not get drunk at your dd's birthday party- wait till the chn are in bed if he wants more than a couple.

Janni · 10/05/2008 23:36

OK it's not ideal but it sounds like your relatives were happily drinking too and he didn't get drunk in front of the kids or their parents.

I wouldn't make too big a deal of it and next year, you can be in charge of opening time!

SlartyBartFast · 10/05/2008 23:36

does he noramlly do this?

madamez · 10/05/2008 23:38

If you're worried that he has a drink problem, that's a different matter but today was really, really hot which means that most people who had a drink or two would find it hit them a bit harder than usual due to dehydration. SO if he's generally a good bloke, leave it be.

cadelaide · 10/05/2008 23:38

Hmmm. If it was a one-off I'd forgive him.

I think........yes.

YABU

SlartyBartFast · 10/05/2008 23:40

pelnty of parents use childrne's parties as an excuse for a drink!

lucky them - i prefer a cup of tea

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 10/05/2008 23:42

He started drinking about 1pm and had a few glasses of wine throughout the afternoon but was ok when the parents were here.

My relatives were drinking but not as muxh as they had to drive home.

It just got a bit uncomfortable towards the end as he was staggering and was glas when they left before he got worse.

He does drink a fair bit and my relatives are aware of this but felt a bit sad that the day ended this way or am I just a boring fart as I don'r drink and it is normal to have a glass or two at a child's party.

Do most people host childrens parties and not offer alcohol?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 10/05/2008 23:45

I offer alcohol if I invite adults. I like a drink. But you know if you're getting so pissed that you can't stand up - hot days included. I just think it's not good to get that pissed in front of kids especially when it's your child's party.

SlartyBartFast · 10/05/2008 23:46

i don't offer alcohol myself. but i am a boring fart.
sorry he was an embarrassment.

LittleBella · 10/05/2008 23:47

I think it sounds like you're not happy about his general drinking behaviour.

And if that is the case, then no YANBU, if one party in a partnership considers it a problem, then it's a problem.

"He does drink a fair bit". What does that mean? More than the recommended maximum? Appropriately? "and my relatives are aware of this" What does that mean? That he's always embarrassing you by getting drunk in front of them?

Sorry if I'm over-analysing or reading between the lines to find something that's not there.

pofaced · 10/05/2008 23:52

I think it sounds as if he may find kids parties quite an ordeal and used the wine too much too early to relieve the stress.. all a bit silly and certainly not a good idea but alcohol is used to ease social awkwardness. I'd talk gently to him about it and if he accepts it all got out of hand get a committment he won't drink during the day again (or at least in front of the kids and NEVER at a social event given for kids), If he can't see anything wrong with his behaviour, I'd push it and explain why it was so unacceptable etc...

UnquietDad · 10/05/2008 23:57

Are children's parties tolerable without drink?!

We had one today as well, and it would have driven me to distraction if I'd not had a glass or two of wine. Not least the.... no, I think I'll start a new thread.

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 10/05/2008 23:58

I can see the signs like he was starting to ask inapproiate questions and doing that funny drunk dance that people do and kept asking me to turn up the music.

He drinks most days after work and at celebrations he always seems to go overboard.

I was starting to worry he would fall over or say something he should'nt and was glad when the final family members went home.

DD had a fab day and it did'nt spoil her party bit i just feel a bit let down as he collapsed on the sofa and i would have liked to have sat with hin tonight and talked about the lovely day we had.

Instead he is snoring and mumbling on the sofa and I wanted today to be our daughters party and not a drinking session for the adults.

OP posts:
fairyfly · 10/05/2008 23:59

It sounds like a celebration, it's what millions of people do, open wine, drink more with guests and relatives and then think, oh shit, why did we drink, lets do it again next year. It wasn't like he was solely incharge of kids.

If he is an alcoholic i apologise, completely different matter/.

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 11/05/2008 00:08

I agree pofaced he does find any social gathering an ordeal and he does lack confidence in talking to people so the drinking made him feel more at ease.

the plan was to get the alcohol out after the parents had gone but as it was such a lovely day and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves he offred the alcohol.

I am worring now that some of the mothers may think it was inapproriate to have alcohol at the party.

unquietdad-you may have a point there,although I don't drink I got through it.

DH's family gatherings always involve a glass or two of good wine and they see it as hospitable (sp) to offer.

OP posts:
Original poster
moonlightdrive · 11/05/2008 00:12

fairyfly-that's it really.

He was brought up with parents who always held dinner /buisness parties and still do with wine flowing freely and G&T's at 6 where as my parents hardly drinked at all.

There lies the difference between our up bringings and maybe my hang ups on drinking.

OP posts:
fairyfly · 11/05/2008 00:17

Well moonlight, if he knows you don't like it and he was messy, it is more about his respect for you. He should know how you feel and getting drunk was completely innapropriate behaviour towards your feelings.

I think the fact Parents drank with him and relatives did, means they were just enjoying themselves and relaxing.

I would never ever have a glass of wine at a house i didn't feel comfortable in and want to stay in, you did a good job.

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 11/05/2008 00:27

DH does know my thought on his drinking but as you say everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and it was a lovely sunny afternoon all sat in the garden relaxed and talking.

DH did complement me more than once on what a good job I had done orgainising the food etc and the parents said they had had a good time.

We had 20 children and 16 adults so should be plesed the day went well and the children enjoyed themselves.

OP posts:
soapbox · 11/05/2008 00:34

I obviously missed the day in etiquette school which says it is a hanging offense to get pissed in front of relations!

Where else are you supposed to get pissed then?

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 11/05/2008 00:38

soapbox-It was more to do with the fact that it was my DD's birthday party and not a piss up for the adults.

Time and place and all that.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 11/05/2008 00:38

if the relations had been bothered they would have made excuses and left surely

he probably did start drinking too early in the day and because it was aparty there wasnt an obvious cut off point to stop and then he had had too much to realise he had enough

it happens at daytime barbeque/party things

he will probably be sorry

fairyfly · 11/05/2008 00:38

Oh moon, i don't know what you want me to say, it just sounds like a good party, if he got far too drunk and he does that all the time, then yes bad...... i am a bit lost on this thread.

I think coming from a huge family where we would all just drink ( i wouldn't if it was my house and i had 16 kids) but i would certainly let others.

I hope you sort it all out

soapbox · 11/05/2008 00:46

But it was at that bit in the party, when all the 'guests' have gone home and it is just family left - which is exactly the point where getting pissed is permissible - surely?

Original poster
moonlightdrive · 11/05/2008 00:52

I think there was high expectations on my part to get this right as was DD's first school party and wanted it to be a success,which it was.

DH was a good host throught the party and just got carried away the last cople of hours but as it was just relations left all be it my relations as his family live abroad was probably why I was more senstive to the whole thing.

OP posts:
fairyfly · 11/05/2008 00:54

It was a success!