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Original poster

Blind date - who pays if...?

38 replies

myslippersarepink · 26/02/2025 20:30

I've just watched First Dates on tv. I can't believe how many women let the guy pay for the date and then say they don't want to see them again.

The last couple, the waitress asked how they wanted to pay the bill, cue awkward silence as the woman took a sip of her drink, then half heartedly asked if he wanted her to split it with him so the guy felt he had to offer to pay it all. She then turned him down for a second date after he said he would see her again!!

How can woman like that be so rude and entitled. Surely if you told intend to see someone again, you shouldn't expect them to pay for you?

Is it just me that thinks that's unacceptable?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 26/02/2025 20:53

there was a post about this yesterday...

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

DorothyStorm · 26/02/2025 21:01

im sure this is word for word a post ive already read

CaptainFuture · 26/02/2025 21:01

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

😆 good one! And the woman shouldn't have to worry her pretty little head about finances now she'll have A MAN to take control! Boom boom!!

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:04

This is such a tricky one! I like 50/50 in theory but I do find the men who immediately offer and pay without fuss are generally better mannered/more 'gentlemanly' overall ~ so it's subconsciously become a green flag for me 😂

If I knew it wasn't working out I'd pay half though. And if we were going to see each other again and he did pay I'd make a point of paying the next time.

RawBloomers · 26/02/2025 21:13

I think the default should be whoever asked pays if there was a clear approach from one of the couple, or 50/50 if a more mutual OLD, type of arrangement. I do see why women see the man offering without hesitation as a green light. But, tbh, I can see why men would see women hesitating to pay half as a red light. Generosity/tightness works both ways.

And I think it's pretty cynical to let the guy pay even when he's offered up front if you know you aren't going to see him again.

Honeyroar · 26/02/2025 21:17

I just couldn’t let someone pay if I knew I wasn’t interested.
Unless it had been an absolute endurance sitting with them for the meal because they were rude/arrogant or something! Then I might let them just to be awful back.

LaceWingMother · 26/02/2025 21:19

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

Jesus Christ, which century are you living in?!

JenniferBooth · 26/02/2025 21:30

This is the second thread like this in 24 hours. Men posting with the "well they wanted feminism so they can have it" routine

Bloom15 · 26/02/2025 21:32

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

Why should he?!

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:32

LaceWingMother · 26/02/2025 21:19

Jesus Christ, which century are you living in?!

Edited
Show quote history

It's my current and past life experience and how some women live and date. Poor men want you to think it's unfeminist or doesn't exist because they fall short and can't afford to offer this.

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:40

Bloom15 · 26/02/2025 21:32

Why should he?!

Show quote history

Because that's the role of men, to provide and protect (with his money). Paying on a date is the least he could do to show me he can take care of me. He is auditioning to be my man, generousity and wealth are essential. This isn't a friend's meeting.

Newbie8918 · 26/02/2025 21:50

@Bunnyboot I totally disagree!

I earn my own money. He doesn't need to fund or provide for me. I want equality in every aspect of the relationship.

I'm also not naive enough to think that he's 'auditioning' for me 🤣 that's not the way to start any relationship IMO.

On my 1st Date my DH asked me out so he paid for dinner. We moved on and I paid for the cocktails in the next bar.

We did this for a few dates as he was quicker than me to ask/make arrangements but if he got the tickets, I'd get the refreshments etc.

When I arranged a date, I organised and paid (theme park entry).

My head falls off in a world where people still think a man should pay, for no other reason than 'he's a man'. Nah.

YourIcyReader · 26/02/2025 21:54

My default is to split. BUT if they offer to pay and I’m keen for a second date I accept, then I’d offer to pay the next one. It’s 2025 and I’m not a kept woman!

Otterhound · 26/02/2025 21:56

The woman should always pay in my book without the man owing her anything in return. If she resents this then she should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

ilovesooty · 26/02/2025 22:04

LaceWingMother · 26/02/2025 21:19

Jesus Christ, which century are you living in?!

Edited
Show quote history

The 1950s are calling. We still see women who think this kind of sponging is acceptable.

ilovesooty · 26/02/2025 22:06

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:40

Because that's the role of men, to provide and protect (with his money). Paying on a date is the least he could do to show me he can take care of me. He is auditioning to be my man, generousity and wealth are essential. This isn't a friend's meeting.

Show quote history

If he doesn't go along with this kind of behaviour he's dodged a bullet. If he does, he's a mug.

Chunkilumptious · 26/02/2025 22:09

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:04

This is such a tricky one! I like 50/50 in theory but I do find the men who immediately offer and pay without fuss are generally better mannered/more 'gentlemanly' overall ~ so it's subconsciously become a green flag for me 😂

If I knew it wasn't working out I'd pay half though. And if we were going to see each other again and he did pay I'd make a point of paying the next time.

I agree with this overall.

healthybychristmas · 26/02/2025 23:22

I think you should just go for drinks on a first date. The person who asked for the date should buy the first round. If the second person wants to continue with the date then they should buy the second round and just keep going like that.

On first dates on TV then neither has asked so the bill should be split particularly as they are on the television!

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 26/02/2025 23:29

If I know there's not going to be a second date, I would insist on splitting the bill.

If I liked him then I would offer to split and then if he insisted I would gratefully accept.

If he didn't offer and insist on paying for the first date, I wouldn't go out with him again.

But I would be happy to split future dates with someone I liked.

There's been a direct correlation between those who insist on paying for the first date and a general vibe of gentlemanly / generosity / valuing my time.

I've found those that assume the bill is going to be split (and don't offer) are those who go on several dates a week and are essentially wanting to add you to their roster.

They also have never seemed to think spending time with me was something to be appreciative of.

JenniferBooth · 26/02/2025 23:29

I really want a woman to turn up with a skirt on with unshaven legs on First Dates Lets see if her date REALLY believes in feminism or just the part that suits him financially.
Lets see if their Twitter fans follow through on their beliefs too

WilfredsPies · 26/02/2025 23:38

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:40

Because that's the role of men, to provide and protect (with his money). Paying on a date is the least he could do to show me he can take care of me. He is auditioning to be my man, generousity and wealth are essential. This isn't a friend's meeting.

Show quote history

Out of curiosity, what are you bringing to the table?

healthybychristmas · 26/02/2025 23:38

I think age has to come into it as well. I'm older and wouldn't be interested in someone who wanted to split the cost of a cup of coffee. If I was 21 and going on several dates a week things might be different.

namechangedforthisquestion1 · 26/02/2025 23:46

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:04

This is such a tricky one! I like 50/50 in theory but I do find the men who immediately offer and pay without fuss are generally better mannered/more 'gentlemanly' overall ~ so it's subconsciously become a green flag for me 😂

If I knew it wasn't working out I'd pay half though. And if we were going to see each other again and he did pay I'd make a point of paying the next time.

I agree with LRRH completely and I've found the same, men who pay on a first date are always more gentlemanly....however I do always suggest a cheap date kind of a coffee and walk as a first date so if we don't get on the poor chap hasn't paid for a 3 course meal.

SprinkleOfSunak · 26/02/2025 23:58

I agree OP.

I love watching First Dates but I’m always shocked about how many women seem to expect the man to pay, especially when they have no intention of going on a second date. I find it very disrespectful.

When I was younger and single I was always uncomfortable with the concept of the man paying on dates that had been drummed into me by family. I always used to say, ‘but once he has paid won’t he expect something in return?’ Obviously a true gentleman wouldn’t, but I am of the impression that some men may think ‘I’ve spent £100 on dinner and now I expect a shag,’ and on a first date how am I to know which are the true gentlemen and which only expect one thing or are potential rapists?