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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Interview question

34 replies

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:00

Today I had a second interview for a job that I am more than (if not, over qualified for). It is a part time role and not very well paid but the hours work for me with my ds. Todays interview involved meeting the CEO along with another member of the team during the interview I was a little thrown when the CEO asked me how I would handle school holidays as I have a child and how do my mornings work (childcare wise). AIBU to think this would never have come up as a question if I were a man. I should probably mention I am a single parent and I did mention this in my first interview. Maybe I am being unreasonable and this I just a normal question so please feel free to tell me I'm being silly!

OP posts:
Muffinbakery · 26/02/2025 18:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:15

(Sorry for the typos!)

OP posts:
KIlliePieMyOhMy · 26/02/2025 18:16

He is not allowed to ask a question based on your home circumstances.
So thread carefully. Maybe an arse in the future.

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:17

I did wonder about the legalities. It makes me think the job would be given to a person without children over me purely for that reason.

OP posts:
Muffinbakery · 26/02/2025 18:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HaggardyOldSkin · 26/02/2025 18:29

I think if a man applied and said he was a single parent in the previous interview just like you did, the exact same questions would be asked. A man who said he had a wife at home or a man who didn’t mention kids at all probably wouldn’t though.

HaggardyOldSkin · 26/02/2025 18:31

I have actually put in job covering letters that my children are of an age where I don’t need to worry about school holidays and drop offs now as I know they are not supposed to ask but I do think it gives an advantage as it makes life easier for the employer.

AnSolas · 26/02/2025 18:32

He should not have asked but you appeared to have opened the door.

How did you end up saying you were a parent and a single one at that?

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:39

It was a woman who asked the question. It came up in the first interview as the hours of the role are school hours (although not a school job). The subject came up about children and how 'family friendly' the company is. It was a brief chat and then we moved on from that. The first interviewer also mentioned that the role would be perfect for a parent because of the hours.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/02/2025 18:39

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:17

I did wonder about the legalities. It makes me think the job would be given to a person without children over me purely for that reason.

In practice, and all else seems equal, many employers will choose the child-free, though not many will admit it

As for the questions, it depends if they already knew you have DCs. They're not supposed to ask whether you do, and certainly not if you plan any more, but if they're already aware questions based on business need are permissible

The kicker is that, in order to avoid discriminating, they'd also need to ask a male candidate the same questions, and opinions on whether they're likely to do that will differ

TappyGilmore · 26/02/2025 18:46

I don’t think it’s illegal to ask. They cannot ask if you have children but you had already volunteered that information.

It’s also probably safe for them to assume that anyone applying for a job that is school hours will have children (unless it’s an obviously older person who might be looking to wind down to retirement).

And for that reason … I don’t think you are being reasonable to assume that the question wouldn’t have been asked of a man. If a man were applying for a school hours job, it’s quite possible that he is the main parent (either a single parent or with a wife who works much longer hours).

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 19:15

Ok so should I be hiding the fact that I have a child from now on? I have worked since my ds was a baby and never take sick leave, I'm never late and childcare has never been an issue for me. I wouldn't apply for a role if I didn't feel I could put my all into it but I also don't see what my childcare situation has to do with any employer as long as I am capable and reliable.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 26/02/2025 20:28

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 19:15

Ok so should I be hiding the fact that I have a child from now on? I have worked since my ds was a baby and never take sick leave, I'm never late and childcare has never been an issue for me. I wouldn't apply for a role if I didn't feel I could put my all into it but I also don't see what my childcare situation has to do with any employer as long as I am capable and reliable.

You shouldn't have to, but I wouldn't mention about children in the future. It has no relevance to a job anyway (unless in certain sectors).

InSpainTheRain · 26/02/2025 20:33

They can ask - perfectly within their rights to. However they have to show they have treated every candidate the same whether male or female. So provided they ask everyone it's fine.

FeathersMcFeather · 26/02/2025 20:44

Yes. Your children or lack of them is an irrelevance in a job interview (I mean, it isn't but you know what I mean)

Just don't mention kids again in potential future interviews as there's no need. You have it covered anyway

blowingbubbles1 · 27/02/2025 09:20

I have slept on this and have woken up angry. Mothers are expected to work as are single mothers (all trying our best and it's hard work) yet I am supposed to hide my situation from a future employer? Why? Some of the replies on here have actually shocked me. At what point am I supposed to admit I have a child and (god forbid) I'm a single parent? After the probation period? After the 2 year mark? Never?

OP posts:
AnSolas · 27/02/2025 12:18

Why do you think your employer needs to know?

You have a work life and a home life.

The basic expectation for the employee is that they will have arranged their personal life such that they can turn up and do the job and go home.

You are not a mother in work you are a worker.

Prior to mothers going into paid employment their job was unpaid child care provider.

Then the expectation was that you will have located and paid a child care provider to take over your old "job" and an employer has no need to become involved in your domestic arrangements.

So just like the new job has no need to hear about how you did your last job unless its relevant to the new role, they dont need to hear about your unpaid jobs, your hobbies or your holidays etc. So is single motherhood relevant if you can turn up and do your job and go home just like any other employee?

Due to the fact that women now fully participate in the paid workforce and that some of them have babies society have adjusted the expectation of how employers should deal with that domestic matter. But a employee with no family or hobbies or non-work life is a more flexable one that a single parent.

We recognise that babies and well adjusted children are a social good and workplaces which are able to adjust to the needs are generally better workplaces.

End of the day the employer needs to treat all candidates the same and you took offence at the CEO bringing it up. (And you dont know if existing workers are allowed adust work days over the school holidays.)

Cosyblankets · 27/02/2025 13:02

You weren't asked because you are a woman
You were asked because you told them you were a single parent. You must have thought it was relevant so why is it OK for you to think it's relevant but not them

Loveduppenguin · 27/02/2025 13:06

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 18:00

Today I had a second interview for a job that I am more than (if not, over qualified for). It is a part time role and not very well paid but the hours work for me with my ds. Todays interview involved meeting the CEO along with another member of the team during the interview I was a little thrown when the CEO asked me how I would handle school holidays as I have a child and how do my mornings work (childcare wise). AIBU to think this would never have come up as a question if I were a man. I should probably mention I am a single parent and I did mention this in my first interview. Maybe I am being unreasonable and this I just a normal question so please feel free to tell me I'm being silly!

Your mistake was mentioning that you were a single parent that has nothing to do with job. So you let them to think that it was up for discussion…

Frazzled2108 · 27/02/2025 13:10

No you're not silly. I would be annoyed at this question and it would put me off working for the company!

Loveduppenguin · 27/02/2025 13:15

blowingbubbles1 · 27/02/2025 09:20

I have slept on this and have woken up angry. Mothers are expected to work as are single mothers (all trying our best and it's hard work) yet I am supposed to hide my situation from a future employer? Why? Some of the replies on here have actually shocked me. At what point am I supposed to admit I have a child and (god forbid) I'm a single parent? After the probation period? After the 2 year mark? Never?

it’s not something you should hide. I’m not saying it’s anything you should hide as a fellow single mother. I totally understand but it’s not something that’s worth mentioning in an interview. It has absolutely no bearing on the job. You mention it when you start work and people start getting to know you. It’s a matter of fact you’re a single mother it has no bearing whatsoever you’re right, but you made it a topic of conversation by mentioning it in your interview.

B1indEye · 27/02/2025 13:23

No reason not to mention it once you've started the job, why wouldnt you if it comes up in conversation. Ime thats a pretty basic getting to know you subject although I have reads threads on here where posters think it's inappropriate to bring it up

DollydaydreamTheThird · 27/02/2025 13:31

blowingbubbles1 · 27/02/2025 09:20

I have slept on this and have woken up angry. Mothers are expected to work as are single mothers (all trying our best and it's hard work) yet I am supposed to hide my situation from a future employer? Why? Some of the replies on here have actually shocked me. At what point am I supposed to admit I have a child and (god forbid) I'm a single parent? After the probation period? After the 2 year mark? Never?

You should be angry about it. We all should but these things still go on all the time. Pregnant then screwed happens to most of us at some point. How many of us have dumbed down our jobs in order to go part time so we can juggle being a mum and earning money? How many of us have been sacked when telling a company we are pregnant? How many of us have been made redundant on maternity leave after having part time hours refused? If you are angry enough, report the company. There are laws about discrimination against women. If they promoted the job as suitable for a parent they shouldn't be asking you about school holidays. It has fuck all to do with them how you are going to cover childcare.

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 13:40

HaggardyOldSkin · 26/02/2025 18:29

I think if a man applied and said he was a single parent in the previous interview just like you did, the exact same questions would be asked. A man who said he had a wife at home or a man who didn’t mention kids at all probably wouldn’t though.

ah you sweet summer child.

I was at a panel interview once. 9 candidates, 9 people of various seniority from the company. I was the only woman. I had 2 DC and my DH was going to take paternity leave as soon as i got a job. All this made clear in my application.

Other people there included 3 men (I know because we chatted during a coffee break, and one mentioned it to the panel) with children of similar age. And how many times do you think any of them were asked about that? Every 2nd question that came my way, despite me telling the first one my DH was taking over, was about my childcare arrangements and what I'd do if one got sick.

After about 90 minutes of this i just stood up and told them they were wasting my time with their sexist and illegal questions and left them spluttering in my wake.

Good luck OP. It still goes on.

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 13:42

blowingbubbles1 · 26/02/2025 19:15

Ok so should I be hiding the fact that I have a child from now on? I have worked since my ds was a baby and never take sick leave, I'm never late and childcare has never been an issue for me. I wouldn't apply for a role if I didn't feel I could put my all into it but I also don't see what my childcare situation has to do with any employer as long as I am capable and reliable.

frankly? yes. Don't mention it, don't bring it up and if they ask you why you want those hours obfuscate.

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