3.5 year old in buggy

[S18]

I just took my 3yr 8month child to a GP appointment. She said to my child “do you still need a buggy?”. Child is autistic and has severe learning delays and no sense of danger/very physically aggressive. GP surgery is 2.6 miles walk along busy rural roads without proper pavements. Should I be making him walk this? I feel like no one would think it’s odd if I drove him there so why is a buggy any different?

I would genuinely make a complaint about that comment especially as they made it towards your child! Bloody ridiculous given that as you said if you'd driven him there there she wouldn't have given it a second thought.

She might have been asking that question to better understand his physical health?

Long pram user here and no shame, I agree people are weird about it as they drive their own kids short distances. But in this circumstance I'd brush it off.

“Do you still need a buggy”
“yes, due to X, Y and Z”

Simple question, simple answer … not sure why it needs hand-wringing and complaints

Sorry, but I disagree.

Why did GP ask child directly? Patronising to parent

There are many reasons a child may still need a buggy, I’m assuming OP did not take child to doctors for this reason so why is it their business.

Exactly it sounds like it was completely irrelevant to the actual purpose of the appointment being attended and the comment was made with the sole intention of making the OP feel like a shit parent. It was unnecessary and to direct it towards the child was passive aggressive.

What is wrong with people?

Your business.

Did she maybe not realise you’d walked so far or thought you’d drove and then put him in a pushchair? I think it’d be a pretty weird comment for anyone to make about any 3.5 year old having to go over 2 miles to the doctors and then back again. I’ve had 3 DC and all of them would have taken absolutely ages to get there at that age and I don’t drive so they’re all used to walking everywhere. My youngest is 3.5 and he’s only been walking the mile to and from nursery for the last 6 months or so, if we’re going to a shop or somewhere after nursery I still take the pushchair as he gets fed up.

My eldest has ASD and I can’t tell you the amount of comments we’ve had over the years when she’s had meltdowns or is wearing ear defenders. Unfortunately as a SEN parent you have to develop a bit of a thick skin or it’ll drive you mad, people love to comment on other peoples parenting even when they have no clue of the situation.

It’s like them people who say “is mummy starving you” or “does mummy not know how to dress you”

”oh, do you still need a buggy”

so patronising

I've only just stopped using ours with our 3.5 yr old anyway... little legs and I can't carry a tired 3 yr old very far!
Of course it's not unreasonable to be using a buggy still...and none of the GPs business.
However if asked again, I'd say yes, because of their autism and LDs and please can they be referred to OT services for a SN stroller. I work in a special school and a large number of children have Maclaren Major buggies for the exact same reason.. safety!
My DS2 has ASD and had a stroller until he was about 7, otherwise we would never have got anywhere!

I still have a buggy for my 3yr 5mth old. It's easier and quicker for the nursery run and means I'm on time for work.

Being a doctor she shouldn't have made that comment to your child at all. 😯

My son is still in a pushchair depending on the situation. He's 7 and also has low functioning autism. He has no awareness, lacks understanding and needs that pushchair when he gets overwhelmed or for his safety. You do what's right for you and your child. Ignore the snarky comments or stares. 😊

I'd ignore it.
My 8 year still uses a disability buggy. He's autistic.

He absconds and is a danger to himself and others. If he feels overwhelmed his behaviour can be challenging.

I'd rather him in the buggy than having to chase him or potentially be in a situation where he assaults someone.

It's his safe space and I'm ok with that

I don’t drive so I do rely on a buggy a fair bit. We also go on the bus, train, he bikes, walks. It depends on the situation. He is probably still more physical than a lot of his mates who are driven everywhere. The nursery is 1.5 miles away, he might be fine on the way but I’m not carrying a tired three year old who is refusing point blank to walk back across town in the dark on busy roads when we have a perfectly good set of wheels available.

The doctor had no right to say that to you.

Absolutely this. Mine was in a buggy up until the end of preschool given it was a mile away and too much five days a week, particularly as I had to be at my office desk on time.

As the mother of a child with similar needs to yours, I would advise you to not let people who unhelpful and judgemental comments like this make you second guess your parenting decisions. Very firmly stand your ground. In this instance, “we use a buggy as it’s appropriate for our needs”. Your child is still young and in my experience you have many years left of this shit unfortunately where people just say all kinds of unhelpful bollocks.

You should have replied extremely emphatically, ' I still need a buggy' and given the reasons you stated here. She probably drives everywhere and has no idea how other people live!

Very rude. I use a buggy for my 3yr old and have no intentions of stopping anytime soon he's way too fast I can't run after him and way too heavy to pick up during longish walks

It is an unusual question to ask an autistic child!

That said the dr has no idea whether you have walked from the car park or 3 miles I suppose. My dc1 (also autistic) regularly used a double buggy with her younger dsis until 4.5, and occasionally beyond that rode on the metal bar at the back of my heavy duty single pushchair or even sat in it with her sister on her lap (both girls were petite). Using a buggy kept them both safe

I used to get it too when my little boy was still in his (specialist) buggy "Surely he could walk for a bit?" "Erm, no. He can't sit unaided yet so he can't walk a bit (or at all)" I also get comments about him having a dummy, he uses it for pain relief and is written into his symptom management plan but it doesn't stop other HCPs commenting.

Have you had a referral to wheelchair services?

There was no intention of complaints. I was simply asking if I am wrong in thinking he’s not too old to use one. The question was also directed to my child who wouldn’t even be able to answer what his name is…

I regret stopping using a buggy when my LD son was 9.

He out grew it but I should have gone for a bigger chair.

People were forever asking me why he was in a buggy when his legs 'worked fine'

Just ignore people and continue doing what's best for your ds.

I really dislike seeing older kids in prams but I mean like 4.5 to 5 or older. 3 is still young!

My 10 year old is in a special needs buggy, when she was 3-6 I got loads of stares because people must think im bonkers pushing a giant child around past 3yo. A few less now but people always look. I used to pretend not to care but i hated it. Now i genuinally dont care. I put sunflower lanyards and autism and disability buggy signs on it which helps. My 10yo looks typical when she's calm, when she flaps she's 'obviously different'. She can't/wont walk anywhere anymore. She never gets out unless swimming. Everything she experiences is in a chair. I'd love her to walk for her benefit. She has working legs but clumsy stride but can barely look up sometimes for sensory overload.
YANBU but doctors get upset when kids/people might not be fulfilling their physical potential so have to ask. They should have asked you but they might assume your bonkers. It's tough being a mum of a SEN child.

I still used a buggy at times for my (non-disabled) child when they were 3.5 because we didn’t have a car!

I am find to walk two miles (and back again) but that much walking is a lot for a 3-year-old.

Nobody questions people who strap their children into a car (basically a giant pushchair) for every little journey 🤷‍♀️

My DD turns 3 next week and if she didn't have a buggy I'd be carrying her everywhere. Or going shopping would take about 50 times longer than necessary. Absurd comment.