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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by DH's comment

50 replies

FleursDeFilles · 26/02/2025 03:13

Probably irrationally annoyed. Need to write it out to vent and to be told I'm wrong. Just DH. DH was about to sleep on bed with a whole load of clothes just shoved to the foot of the bed. I asked why he didn't tidy it up before getting in the bed. To which he replied that it didn't bother him... And why didn't I tidy it given it's been there for days. DH sleeps in spare bedroom on days he needs to be up very early work the next day as DD is still in our bed and if she wakes up in the night it disturbs him. But it means I don't often go into the spare room and if I had remembered there were clothes in a heap I would have sorted it out. He then fell asleep whilst I went on a grumbling passive aggressive tour of the house putting away all the bits that have been left out for days. AIBU for getting annoyed with DH and his "why don't you put it away" comment. I'm a SAHM and I feel like I am FOREVER putting things away all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 26/02/2025 03:18

I want to now go into the room and put away all the other stuff that's been sat out but he is sleeping.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 26/02/2025 03:19

I would personally say, if there's been a pile of (presumably your husband's) clothes on the foot of his bed in the spare room for days, and he hasn't been arsed to put them away and he says they don't bother him, sod him. Leave them for him to sort out. Don't be a martyr. You've got enough on your plate without parenting him as well.

Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 26/02/2025 03:22

The clothes were mostly DD's - it was a few items from her nappy bag that didn't end up getting tidied away into her wardrobe (DD is 2).

OP posts:
movinghouse12 · 26/02/2025 03:27

If you're a SAHM and he sleeps in the spare room a lot and you bed share, I don't see why you can't keep the spare room free? If you can't get stuff put away leave it in the washing basket or stack it in a pile in the right room. Else let him get on with sleeping around it if he isn't bothered.

FetchezLaVache · 26/02/2025 03:29

Well, either it was a "whole load of clothes" or it was a "few items" of DD's.

Now it comes down to who emptied the contents of her nappy bag onto the bed. Surely it's the responsibility of whoever did it to put the stuff away?

Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 26/02/2025 03:34

Yes admittedly "whole load of clothes" was an exaggeration. It was maybe about 8 items and DD's towel. DH emptied it I'm sure as my most recent recollection is putting things away in her wardrobe. I feel like he never checks what is on the bed and he will go to bed at the point of exhaustion (from watching TV late into the night) and then not be bothered enough with what is on the bed etc

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 26/02/2025 03:38

So, don't be bothered with it either. His sleeping in the spare room gives you the perfect excuse not to give a shit about what happened to the contents of DD's nappy bag if he took the initiative to empty it. Enjoy the feeling of liberation as it becomes his sole feckin' problem!

ImustLearn2Cook · 26/02/2025 03:54

I voted yanbu because even though it doesn’t bother him to put his dirty feet on his dd’s nice clean clothes, or shove them to the edge of the bed so they could easily fall on the floor, it should. It’s about showing consideration and respect for others and their belongings.

And just because you are a sahm doesn’t mean that you never get to clock off, take a break or that you have to do everything. It doesn’t mean that other members of the household no longer have to pitch in, tidy up after themselves or be considerate. Oh, and being a sahm is NOT synonymous with being a house elf! (If he does treat you like a house elf ask him to hand you a sock 😉).

Endofyear · 26/02/2025 08:33

Just go to bed and sort them out in the morning! It's just a few clothes 🤷‍♀️

Archive · 26/02/2025 08:36

If you’re a stay at home parent and they were your daughters clothes then I wouldn’t personally have got worked up about it.

Samesame47 · 26/02/2025 08:41

Your a SAHM your DH works, why aren’t you taking care of putting your DD’s stuff away?

Phresh · 26/02/2025 08:50

He is being lazy to not move them, and his attitude is shitty. But don't let it bother you, its him who has to sleep with random clothes on him, not you.

Phresh · 26/02/2025 08:51

I'd also ignore the daft comments saying you're a SAHM so why aren't you sorting it....that's just ridiculous if people think you have to do literally every single thing at home and he can't take care of a simple task. You're a SAHM to a child, not a grown arse man who can't put a few items in a wardrobe.

Haveyouanyjam · 26/02/2025 09:32

Is this a wider issue? Does he pull his weight at home generally?

Otherwise it’s quite a small thing to get worked up about so maybe you’re a bit burned out? I think he asked you why you didn’t put it away because that’s what you asked him. Either of you could have done it and he wasn’t fussed enough to do it, whereas you were bothered by it.

Haveyouanyjam · 26/02/2025 09:40

.

Bearbookagainandagain · 26/02/2025 09:43

Sorry it wouldn't bother me either. Clean piles of clothes often end up on the floor too if we want to go to bed and can't be arsed to tidy.

The rule in our house is whoever abandoned the pile of clothes on the bed (or the dining table, the tumble drier, the kids' bed...) is responsible to put them away (although we obviously do it for each other at times).
Also tbh if I was not working and my husband was, I would probably feel like it's my job to do it.

gannett · 26/02/2025 09:59

Was this the spare room bed? The one he was sleeping in but you were not? I couldn't care less about the state of a bed I'm not planning to sleep in tbh.

BlondiePortz · 26/02/2025 10:02

You weren't sleeping there so why does it matter to you?

Namechangetheyarewatching · 26/02/2025 10:05

TBF your the stay at home parent, your job is to keep the house tidy.

🤷🏼‍♀️

FreeWave · 26/02/2025 10:23

I hate things left in a mess. If it’s mine, I will clean it up, but if it’s someone else’s, I won’t touch it and let them clean it up themselves.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 26/02/2025 10:27

I don't really understand why you would do half the job in the first place, people saying he could have easily moved them to the wardrobe is less efficient than you or him taking them upstairs and putting them in the wardrobe right away instead of taking them up and dumping them somewhere you forget about to create another job for later.

If you're forever putting things away it sounds like your processes are inefficient and creating more work than necessary, like in this example.

You remind me of my DH, I ask him to do the washing up and he'll wash two forks and a plate and leave everything else and say he's done the washing up. It's easier to just do the whole job once you've started.

Simplynotsimple · 26/02/2025 10:29

Namechangetheyarewatching · 26/02/2025 10:05

TBF your the stay at home parent, your job is to keep the house tidy.

🤷🏼‍♀️

No, the job of a stay at home parent is to parent as the priority, clue is in the name. It’s not stay at home housekeeper. Keeping a tidy house will fall mainly to the SAHP but it doesn’t mean it’s wholly their job. If the other parent is home and sees a ‘job’ that needs doing, they do it. Having a wage slip doesn’t mean switching your brain off and doing nothing at home.

Phresh · 26/02/2025 10:36

Namechangetheyarewatching · 26/02/2025 10:05

TBF your the stay at home parent, your job is to keep the house tidy.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Earning a wage = being an ignorant fuck and it takes away all of your responsibily? Since when?

Simplynotsimple · 26/02/2025 10:36

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 26/02/2025 10:27

I don't really understand why you would do half the job in the first place, people saying he could have easily moved them to the wardrobe is less efficient than you or him taking them upstairs and putting them in the wardrobe right away instead of taking them up and dumping them somewhere you forget about to create another job for later.

If you're forever putting things away it sounds like your processes are inefficient and creating more work than necessary, like in this example.

You remind me of my DH, I ask him to do the washing up and he'll wash two forks and a plate and leave everything else and say he's done the washing up. It's easier to just do the whole job once you've started.

Edited

The fact you have to ask your husband to wash up and he only does half a job anyway is absolutely classic weaponised incompetence. It’s not the same as the op, when you’re doing multiple chores at home (especially laundry which is a multitask in itself) it’s very easy to walk out of a room and forget you meant to go back to put that pile away. It’s essentially her husband’s room, so much like a teen or another adult in the house, what’s in your room needs to be put away by you.

justanotherimperfectmum2025 · 26/02/2025 10:40

Arrrgh! I have this problem with my DH! He leaves all HIS clothes on the floor of his side of the bed and doesn't sort them out. I never know whether they're clean or need washing!

I would outright refuse to do it as he's old enough to do it himself and you are NOT HIS MOTHER so why should you have to if he cannot be bothered?! I say to mine, "if it ain't in the basket, it ain't getting washed!"