Baby + dog = need help!

[SereneOchreStork]

AIBU to expect a bit of help with the dog?

We have a cocker spaniel who has lots of energy and needs lots of walking. DH injured himself 18 months ago so it’s been up to me to do all the dog walking since then. Even if he’s helped, it’s just been a drive to the park, 10 minutes throwing a ball for her in a morning. I’ve then had to walk her in the evening. I’ve walked her whilst dragging a toddler through winter mud, whilst pregnant and constantly retching, with a debilitating pregnancy related vitamin deficiency that left me exhausted, and now I’m expected to walk her with a baby in tow

Today she covered me and DS in drool whilst shaking, then pulled me so hard that the pram was pulled onto the road. That was the final straw. I asked DH to ask PIL if they’d have her for a week to give me a break (they’re retired and have had her before) but he refused. He also refused to try walking her before work. Apparently, what I should do is set my alarm an hour early and walk the dog before he goes to work at 7, so it avoids the problem of walking her with the baby. If he was walking her, that’s what he’d have to do. The only other solution he offered was to get rid of her

AIBU to expect him to provide / arrange some help for me, just 1 day a week / a week off?

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it’s not surprising you are struggling and feeling resentful. Can you give a bit more context? Has your DH recovered now? Why is he not doing the walking? Did you both equally want to get the dog and split responsibility? It sounds like either your DH needs to step-up, or you need to get support from elsewhere be that friends/family or paid help such as a dog walker. There’s also apps where people can volunteer to look after other people’s dogs.

Can you afford or your DH afford a dog Walker-seems a better solution

He clearly doesn't want the dog, and I'd guess, never did. Was he on board with getting the dog in the first place, or did you come with the dog already? Sounds like it is your dog, not his.
I can't imagine wanting a dog who drools on my child around. That's utterly disgusting.

Do you want to keep the dog ? Because it sounds like your DH isn't bothered either way. If you love the dog and want to keep it then yeah, maybe a dog walker or asking family to help.

Yanbu to expect your DH to do it btw, but he won't, so you have to plan your next move knowing that.

You walk the dog, taking your coffee and earphones (only one ear in use though) with a podcast or music and enjoy some fresh air and he's left with baby to get ready. I give him a week until his miraculous recovery?

Why don't you walk dog when dh is home so he can have kids?

We have a boisterous lab who has 2x 45 min walks a day, I have a prolapsed disc and have been unable to walk him for past four months.

Previously I walked him Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday . Dog walker did Thursday and dh did Friday/Saturday/Sunday

Since my back issue we have altered it to dh dad does Mondays, dog walker Tuesdays and Thursdays and dh does Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We are considering asking dog walker to do Wednesday too.

It's not fair it's all on you , I'd look at getting a dog walker acouple of times a week and yes when you walk him don't take the kids . Develop a routine so you do same time every day when it's convenient for you.

Honestly, I think you need to consider rehoming the dog. And possibly your DH as well.

What's "wrong" with your DH exactly?

Yup. My thoughts exactly.

It’s not unreasonable to expect some help with the family dog and DH needs to do his share if recovered. If not & affordable get a dog walker to help for a while.
However, I have always had spaniels and babies and getting out for a walk with them kept me sane. I often used to take them out alone as suggested before DH left for work & went all over with my toddlers, but dogs are kind of my hobby.
If the dog isn’t wanted, find a reputable breed charity & rehome or source a dog walker, training so your not getting pulled & embrace walking her yourself. It doesn’t seem fair to the dog.

I don't think you should be palming the dog off one day a week.
Either commit to it wholly, or re-home.

I would get up early and walk her but I am an early bird, up at 5am. I appreciate other people aren't early birds and if you're not, then definitely don't agree to get up.

How bad is your DH exactly, an 8 - 12kg ish dog, if lead trained, shouldn't be too much for an able bodied person to walk.

Would it be insensitive to suggest you re-home your dh?!

What is wrong with your husband?

You either leave the kids with him and walk the dog, or seriously consider rehoming. Is it a working cocker?

We used to have a terrier when my kids wheee small. I couldn't walk him with a double buggy. My mum or mil came over every day so they could watch Dts while I walked him.

You have loads of options, but I'd suggest if your dog is pulling in the lead, the first option would be to train your dog.
As someone who is up at this hour to do a solo dog walk, with no children, in blissful peace and quiet, I'm also not sure what is wrong with DH suggestion that you do the same?
If he works out of the house all day and you're on mat leave it's entirely reasonable you need to walk the dog

Your DH clearly doesn't want the dog, hence why he isn't helping with it. It also sounds like your dog needs some training if it is that badly behaved you can't enjoy walking it. Personally I loved walking our dogs with our baby. I did all the dog waking whilst on mat leave and I didn't find it particularly problematic. As others say, alternatives if you don't feel able to do this and your husband isn't going to help are to get a dog walker or last resort rehome the dog.

I loved walking the dog when mine were babies/toddlers!

Toddler pootles around the park while dog gets walked.

Or, if napping, toddler has nap in pram, while you listen to a podcast with a cup of coffee and dog gets a walk.

A week away from you isn’t the solution.

Dog sounds miserable if it’s behaving like that over a walk. She deserves the best possible life and, right now, living with someone who clearly doesn’t like her and someone who can’t cope isn’t that.

Sorry, OP.

In your situation I would get a dog walker booked in daily to do a long walk in the middle of the day - then if all you can manage is around the block morning/evening, it isn’t the end of the world. You could directly ask your PIL - if DH won’t and you think they would want to help. You could try borrow my doggy - it will match you with someone who can’t have a dog but wants to hang out with one - one of my friends used it and her ‘borrowers’ even looked after her dog when she went on holiday. If there’s any agility or fly ball clubs in your area, this is great for burning off spaniel energy and is usually in an enclosed space.

For the times you do need to walk the dog, you need to make sure she can’t pull you around. Spaniels are pretty trainable, but it does take time, and with a baby and a toddler you may not have lots of it - in the short term, a halti or lead attached at the front of the harness will stop her being able to pull you into the road, and baby in a sling might be easier than a pram. If your DH doesn’t want to walk her, could you agree he baths the children or does bedtime while you do her evening walk?

I see a lot of ‘rehome’ suggestions - your situation is potentially very temporary, and this may all be a lot easier once the kids are in preschool / you are off mat leave and can throw money at doggy daycare - but if that isn’t the case and it’s always going to be a struggle (my kids are 4 and 6 and I wouldn’t be able to walk a spaniel daily with them in tow!) then rehoming might be in all of your best interests.

You definitely need to rehome the dog. A cocker needs a lot of exercise and stimulation, you are not offering either of that. You will drive this dog to despair if you keep it, and in turn the dog will drive you to despair.

Poor dog.

Shoving the dog off onto inlaws for a week is not the answer.

You and dh need to both take responsibility for the dog.

What exactly is his injury and how does it affect him walking her?

I'd say you should walk her in the morning whilst dh has baby, then pay for a dog walker to do a proper walk midday and you do brain games in the garden/house with her at times in the day.

Dh then takes her to the park and throw ball when he gets in from work if his injury prevents him from properly walking her.

That way you both take responsibility for one exercise a day and pay someone to do a decent walk.

I feel you OP. I've got a cocker and a baby (and a now 5 year old) and it is tough juggling dog and baby. How old is your dog? Mine is starting to get on a bit now so is happy with just one walk a day but he's also never been a crazy cocker which helps. He is however dog reactive and we had to put so much work in to training and walking and doing that with a pram is hard. If he's a puller then definitely work on that (in the meantime a harness with a chest clip works well, I've also got a head collar I walk him on for extra control incase he does react as like you I've had the pram pulled into the road).

Does your DHs injury genuinely mean he can't walk the dog? What's the money situation like - can he pay for a dog walker at least a couple of days a week to give you a rest? Any secure dog fields about he can take the dog to that he doesn't have to walk around.

It doesn't sound like he's on board with the dog

Sounds like nobody really likes the dog. Can you rehome it?

For more context, DH hurt his knee so has been unable to walk. He’s now had surgery but not yet fully recovered. And I think he’s just got out of the habit of walking the dog so he’s not doing much yet

I’m more just looking for a circuit break so I can get back to enjoying walking the dog. I’m not sure getting up at 5.30 after breastfeeding all night is going to give me that break!!

That's madness!
Get DH to arrange a dog walker 2-3 times a week.

I have a Labrador and a 10 month old and I’d say you need to look for a dog walker, or if you just need a break then find a local home boarder who can take the dog even just for a few nights. I do think dog walker is the answer long term though, even just 2 days a week to give you a regular break

I would imagine the problem with waking up earlier is OP isn’t getting a lot of sleep as it is and losing an hour a night won’t help.
Definitely agree with the training though, she shouldn’t be pulling so much.
Have you looked on sites like “borrow my doggy”? Or at local dog walkers/ dog day cares? We use a daycare for the dog who takes home for four hours a day a week so I have that day free with my one and three year old.